A list of what my ex did to me

[RosyDay]

This is what my ex did to me during our relationship. This is what I must keep in mind so that I don't initiate contact:

 

-On our second date, he stood me up and got back with his old girl friend

 

-After he did that, he was very nice to me, as far as me letting me vent about how hurt I was and helping through my pain. After he broke up with his ex again, he came back to me. At first, the relationship was wonderful..I thought that I had been waiting for him all my life. Then, he never made time for me. He said he was busy with his son, busy with activities that involved his son's school and working.

 

-He lost his apartment, his car got repossessed, he had health problems and all of that added into why he only saw me every 4 to 6 weeks.

 

-He claimed he loved me, but never took the time to email me or snail me me in between times he saw me. When his time finally freed up, he put it into his athletic hobby and not me.

 

-When I came to see him, by bus because his car wasn't working well, he drove me around town and the car stopped working. He immediately wanted to ditch me for 10 hours until me friend was going to come to pick me up, so he could think about how the car not working would effect his life. At midnight, we were parked in an alley behind his job because his car still wasn't working. He got out of the car and left me alone with no word and walked away from the car, down to the end of the alley to look for my friend, even though he knew there had been some thefts in that alley. Before, the alley, the car was in a different place near a lot of trees- pitched black outside. He was very concerned about the car and although it was pitched black and deserted, when the car came into view, he walked very fast and just left me so he could get to his car.

 

-When he was having a bad day, like car trouble, he would just stand me up with no explanation until the end of the day even though he had a cell phone.

 

-When we were making out, but I did not want sex, he would get very snotty, very obnoxious, roll his eyes at me and get an attitude.

 

-During my birthday, he had money and health problems. He nevercame to see me. He never made my birthday up to me....never...no card, nothing. He left me the next year, 10 days before my birthday. When I told him I was devastated and he had ruined another birthday of mine, he cockily said "You'll be over me in two weeks."

 

 

-For the year plus we were together, he never gave me anything, not even a flower. I kept cutting him slack because even though he had a job, he was homeless and sleeping at friends' houses.

 

-He told me that I examined my feelings so much, that my feelings were sterile and didn't mean anything. I loved him more than anyone I had ever loved in my whole entire life.

 

-He would snap at me out of the blue because I said something that reminded him of his ex wife.

 

-After sex, he didn't hold me. He just went to sleep.

 

-I felt alone in the relationship. I carried us because he was homeless. The last time we were supposed to see each other if the car was working, he did not call. I was confused and didn't know what was going on. I called and called, he just ignored my calls. Didn't call me until 9pm. I got mad, left terrible messages. I was hurt. He made fun of me. I called him an ass and he left me and 7 days later told me he didn't love me any more and went to another woman.

 

-After he left me, he treated me like a stranger, as if we had never ever been together.

 

-The relationship was all about him...his wants, his needs, his health problems, his problems with his ex girlfriend and ex wife, his lack of money, his lack of time, his car repossession, his car functioning problems,

his son, his job.

 

-I was so worried for him throughout the whole relationship, because of his health problems, his homelessness. He was also accused of embezzelment. He said he didn't do it.

 

-When I was sick, he never called me to check up on me to see how I was feeling.

-He was a terrible boyfriend. I bet he is a wonderful boyfriend to this new girl, as now his life is finally together...then again, his ex wife hates him, and his ex girlfriend implied she was going to have him killed. He had to speak to the police about her.

[CaliGuy]

Print that out and post it somewhere you can read it often.

 

It's a good reminder of why we should walk away from bad people. These are what are known as "RED FLAGS".

 

Funny but love often makes us blind to them....

[Thornton]

Oo good thread! I think everyone who still has feelings for an ex should post on this. I have a new bf, but I still sometimes have regretful thoughts about my nasty ex, so I'll post too:

 

*We met when he worked in my office temporarily. Neither of us was particularly busy, so I would tell him to drop by my office and say hi, but he never did. Other guys who were more busy than him could find time to talk to me, but he couldn't - he obviously didn't care to see me.

 

*He arranged to meet me at a party the day after we met but didn't show up on time. When he finally arrived he said he couldn't have a drink with me cos he didn't know what his buddies wanted to do. He left with his buddies shortly afterwards and ditched me.

 

*When I would contact him about our LDR he would always be pretty cool - he would say stuff like "it should be possible for us to keep in touch" but was never very enthusiastic. I'd send him a long email and get two lines in response two days later. I sometimes sent soppy emails which he completely ignored, I never got a soppy reply.

 

*I know he was busy with work, but he didn't make any time for me at all - he couldn't even be bothered to send a text or a quick email for days on end, despite having received messages from me.

 

*He would spend time having beers with his buddies, or going for food with them, but he didn't have time to call me and say hi. He never prioritised me in his life. Then he would tell me what he'd been doing, and I'd feel bad cos everything else in his life was more important than me.

 

*He would call me for phone sex and then hang up without even asking me how I was doing.

 

*He wasn't affectionate at all, I tried to hold his hand in public and he looked uncomfortable, he wouldn't even walk close to me in the street, and didn't much kiss me or anything except for during sex.

 

*When I visited him, he wouldn't even let me stay at his house, he got a hotel room. He never introduced me to any of his friends at home. This should have been a HUGE red flag, but at the time it just made me feel sad and rejected.

 

*When I visited he said he couldn't take any time off work, so I was alone in the hotel room all day - but he had plenty of time to take off work when his buddies visited, or when his parents visited. He even went to a football game with his buddies while I was visiting, and left me in the hotel room.When he was with me, he didn't take me out, he just wanted to stay in the hotel room watching tv and having sex.

 

*He dumped me at the airport about seven hours before my flight was due, saying he had to get back to work. We had very little time together as it is, but he just seemed to want rid of me.

 

*I found out he had a girlfriend! He told me they were LDR and the relationship was over but he hadn't told her yet, and like a fool I believed him. What's worse, he said he spoke to her on the phone every day - he didn't speak to ME on the phone every day.

 

*He refused to accept me on Facebook, saying he lost his password. He didn't lose it - he didn't want to add me so I couldn't find out about his gf! After we split up he added me, and I checked his history - she was posting stuff on his page and he had been spending weekends with her etc while he was supposedly with me and he said his relationship with her was over.

 

*The last time I saw him, he told me he would definitely see me again in a few weeks time, but he was lying. I even asked him if he was lying, and he said no.

 

*He never actually dumped me, he just ignored me. I would email and say "what's up?", and he would say "everything is fine, I'm just too busy to talk/email". Eventually contact petered out over a period of three months - he never dumped me yet! It really hurt that he didn't even have the decency to dump me and give me an explanation.

 

Gosh, now I've written this out I wonder why I even liked this loser! I think I was smitten with his looks, his charisma, but he wasn't very nice at all, and I deserved better.

[RosyDay]

actually this list wasn't my idea. I got it from someone else in one of the forums. Thanks to the person who suggested it. It made me feel better. The most precious thing somone can give you is their time. If they refuse to, no matter how busy their life is...if they choose cars, friends and everything else over the sun over you, then they don't deserve you.

[desertsun09]

OMG! Those lists are crazy....

 

Here's mine:

 

1. Started dating my ex after I had already decided to move to another city for another job opportunity. I was so in love with him by that point, I decided to blow off my opportunity to stay in the town with him b/c I believed in us. 6 months later, out of the clear blue, he announces that he was moving to another continent in 2 months time (and did not ask me to come with him)....well, he made a half-hearted attempt of saying something like "well you can come over if you want, but just let me get set up here first, etc. Knowing full well I didn't have a work visa to live there). Realization: It's never a good thing when your bf leaves the country! LOL ---What a fool I was!

 

2. So like a little puppy dog, I followed him to Europe, but not the same country he was in....one that was 2 hours away because that's the only place I had a visa. He made another half-hearted attempt to get me to come to his country, but never offered a viable solution to my work visa problem. I told him that the only way I could be with him in his country was if I was completely financially dependent on him without my work visa. He said that freaked him out, even though he makes a crap load of money. Later on in the relationship, he turns around and blamed me for not moving to his country....WTF? So I stayed in our hometown to be with him, then he bails for another country, I move to Europe to be closer to him, and I messed up because I didn't want to go to his country without a work visa and live a life of destitution cause it freaked him out. What a fool I was!

 

3.My sex drive was always higher than his. And I'm the girl! He never wanted to have skype or phone sex.....Again, red flag!

 

4. Could not communicate at all. Possibly the world's worst communicator and was socially akward. All of my friends/his friends wondered why I was with him.

 

5. He broke up with me 5 times in a year and a half! Was always walking on eggshells around him.

 

6. Found out I was taking pills for depression and used my illness against me and called me crazy. Didn't support me in my pursuit of overcoming my illness, told me I didn't to be on meds. Ass-wipe!

 

7. Consistently wake up in the mornings crying for his mommy. Just plain scary!

 

8. I had problems finding a job in the city I'm in due to economy. I told him I was probably going to have to go back home (hoping this is where he'd jump in and ask me to move to his country with him). He said i was "welcome to hang out for a couple of months with him before I left Europe"

 

9. Drinks like a fish.

 

10. We got in a huge fight one night...he pushed me, called me a bitch and a headcase, and kicked me out of his house at 1am. Mind you, I was in a European city where I did not speak the language. He denies any of this ever happened because he was wasted.

 

11. He broke up with me 30 minutes after we had sex! It happened very quick and he had to be at the train station in one hour to go back home, so there wasn't even any time to get my head around what happened. I was begging him to take a later train at the station, but he clearly didn't want to talk. I tried to hug him, he grabbed my wrists and said he was going to call the police! WTF?

 

12. A week later I found out I was pregnant, I tried to contact him but he'd deleted me off every way there was to contact him. I finally managed to get through with an email telling him I'm pregnant. HE called me up and said I was lying, it wasn't his, and being so ugly to me on the phone, telling me I was crazy.

 

13. While pregnant, he didn't call to check on me...I had to initiate every contact with him. He had the balls to get mad at me for not calling to wish him a happy birthday. I'm sorry, but where was he when he left me in pieces at the train station that day after he dumped me, and I'm supposed to give a crap about his birthday. I was pregnant and he pulled a disappearing act.

 

Man, after writing this I can clearly see how I was a puppy dog blinded by love and it sickens me. It's clear that he's not the person I thought he was and I just need to focus on that to get over him.

[Thornton]

Gosh, how shocking! So have you ended up returning to your country and being a single mum, desert sun? It seems like you made a LOT of sacrifices for him and he wasn't bothered about you at all. My ex did a similar thing to your #11 - he had sex with me then dumped me straight at the airport (7 hrs before my flight) and then never spoke to me again. Also when I wanted to move to his city he told me it wasn't a sensible thing to do and I couldn't move there just for him. Wtf? If you're in an LDR, of course you move to a certain city to be with your SO! He really was a d1ck Looking at these posts, they have a lot in common... him spending time on everything but you, lack of affection, lack of contact... we all really should have noticed those red flags sooner. I guess you live and learn, and we'll all have more sense and self respect next time.

[rosboy]

I thought i had bad time- you are better off without him.Stay well away for your own good- reading this made me feel better about the troubles I am going through!

[desertsun09]

Thornton: Well the jury's still out as to what I'm going to do as far as moving, but will keep LS-ers posted. ---Our ex's do have a lot in common. The sex right before breaking up with us is a killer, huh? I will never understand it. The day before the breakup, everything was perfect. I even remember saying to myself that day that I was truly happy. That night he held me in his arms as we slept and said he loved me. The next morning, we had sex, then I took my dog out for a walk and by the time I came back, he was crying for his mom and said he wanted to break up.

 

I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky to be rid of these fools, and use it as a way to gauge our next relationships. The second the balance of power seems out of whack or he starts showing the slightest sign of craziness, selfishness, or commitment-phobia, I'm out the door. The next guy is really going to have to work hard to win my heart!!