schewter Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Reading the threads from Prettymarie and Lostincosmos and seeing how people are reacting it got me wondering what people consider an affair to be. In PMs case she, at worst, had a one-night stand involving some guy she never knew and has absolutely zero feelings for. Cosmos, on the other hand, did not go all the way with his boss but certainly appears to be more emotionally invested in the relationship. One poster was telling Cosmos that "he didn't have an affair because he didn't have sex"...just curious what people consider an affair to be. I personally believe the emotional investment to be more neccessary than outright sex or any physical behavior...what do others think? Is there any cut & dry definition?
seibert253 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 In my mind, (as warped as it is), an affair is any continued contact; physical or emotional, that the person's spouse would consider inappropriate and not approve of. You may also want to add a certain element of secrecy.
Owl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 An affair is ANY physical or emotional relationship in which you are somehow replacing your spouse, or getting emotional/physical needs by someone else that SHOULD only be met by your spouse. If you hide/desire to hide any aspect of a relationship from your spouse...assuming this relationship is with someone who you can be/are/would be emotionally/physically/romantically attracted to...and you're hiding this information because you know that your actions would be devestating for your spouse to learn...it's a good bet it's an affair. Yes, I'm positive that people could pick all kinds of crazy relationship circumstances to try to poke holes in my definition, but I think it's a decent "litmus test" description.
Author schewter Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks for the responses... <<There are two types of "affairs", the physical ones and the emotional ones. What you describe above is a physical affair. Believe it or not, physical affairs are much less damaging to the relationship than emotional ones.>> For me that is the case but I think some people are more disturbed by the physical nature...men tend to be that way and women more bothered by the emotional betrayal. <<In my mind, (as warped as it is), an affair is any continued contact; physical or emotional, that the person's spouse would consider inappropriate and not approve of. You may also want to add a certain element of secrecy.>> That works...if you're hiding it from your spouse then YOU must think it's wrong. <<Ask your spouse. There's your answer.>> Not so sure there...my wife tried to call her EA everything but for a while; i.e. a "romantic interest" "just a fantasy thing"...MC had to set her straight. But I think I get your point jwi...gotta know where the lines are drawn. " An affair is ANY physical or emotional relationship in which you are somehow replacing your spouse, or getting emotional/physical needs by someone else that SHOULD only be met by your spouse. If you hide/desire to hide any aspect of a relationship from your spouse...assuming this relationship is with someone who you can be/are/would be emotionally/physically/romantically attracted to...and you're hiding this information because you know that your actions would be devestating for your spouse to learn...it's a good bet it's an affair. Yes, I'm positive that people could pick all kinds of crazy relationship circumstances to try to poke holes in my definition, but I think it's a decent "litmus test" description." It's a good definition...some will find it rigid for sure...might also make them ask themselves if that flirty thing you got going with so and so is something your spouse would be comfortable with.
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