dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 So ... girl 'A says, "I'm in the 50% possibility category" girl 'B' says, "I have herpes, are you sure you wanna do this?" you'd see no difference? I'd see a doubling of the risk with girl B. But twice a low risk is still a low risk. From a medical paper by Wald, I saw that the risk of female to male transmission, assuming the girl has it, is 1.6 per 10,000 sex acts. So we are talking the following risks to me: with girl A 0.8 per 10,000 and with girl B 1.6 per 10,000.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 See ... that's where I guess maybe I'm a little more cautious than you. Sounds like you are more risk averse than me. That's fine, it's your prerogative to be as cautious as you want.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Sure but you seemed to think in earlier posts you could eliminate the risk? By all means improve the odds, but be realistic and realize that the residual risk will still be significant. Dude ... you're completely wrong about my implying that we can eliminate the risk. Never said it ... never meant it ... don't think I even SEEMED like it. In fact - you're implying that I would be stupid enough to think it I've been all about minimizing risk or mitigating risk.
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 It is very ignorant to come on a HSV post, proclaim that you are selective and that is why you haven't OR wont contract an STD. Unless you are with someone who has NEVER been sexual (including kissing), nor had their mother pass anything on via birth, and have never used needles, and all the other endless ways one could contract a disease - you can't be 100% sure you wont contract anything. It is disgusting to have someone so high on their horse come down on someone for being sexual with a person, who she was honest with, who made their own choice to be sexual in return. They are both adults. They both know the possible outcomes. There is nothing wrong with that. The chances of being with someone who has HSV (and only those who know they are infected) is 1 in 4. Chances are, the majority of those posting have been with someone who has HSV. You just weren't infected. And how many of your sexual partners have been tested after 4 months of last their last sexual encounter, and substained from sex until that test came back clean?
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Really it is, because unless you wait four months to get tested since your last sexual encounter, you never know for sure. How many times do you think you knew 100% your date did not have herpes? Now you've miss quoted me too. I didn't say - know for sure that your date does NOT have herpes. I said - when you know for sure that your date DOES have herpes ... it's different from knowing he/she might have it. I was simply asking you a question. THink about it, because there are so many infected people out there that don't realize they have HSV, you very well probably have been in contact. Then you could have a date who DOES know, and is well informed/educated and knows the best way to prevent passing on this disease.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'd see a doubling of the risk with girl B. But twice a low risk is still a low risk. From a medical paper by Wald, I saw that the risk of female to male transmission, assuming the girl has it, is 1.6 per 10,000 sex acts. So we are talking the following risks to me: with girl A 0.8 per 10,000 and with girl B 1.6 per 10,000. well there is more to my perspective than just the odds you've quoted. It's like this ... Great sex is all about many many times with one person that I really like or even love. Every place in the house, in the park, in the car. Naughty things - every day if possible - great chemistry Oral sex - every position we can think of - feeling her squirm and squeel - making her think I'm the best thing in her life ... if I can manage. It's just gonna be a little difficult for me to manage all that ... knowing she has Type II Herpes ... Just having a one night thing ... or several nights ... where we always have to take precautions ... to keep me from getting her Herpes ... All that seems un-appealing to me
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 But you know what - there are people out there who find the risk of getting Herpes less of a risk, then risking being with someone you'd spend the rest of your life with. I know a very happy married couple. She had HSV before they met. They've been married from 20+ years. He still has not contracted HSV. They have a very healthy sex life. They don't use precautions any more. They stopped about a year before marriage. He knew she was special. He wanted to be with her regardless. HSV isn't what made her the person she is.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 But you know what - there are people out there who find the risk of getting Herpes less of a risk, then risking being with someone you'd spend the rest of your life with. I know a very happy married couple. She had HSV before they met. They've been married from 20+ years. He still has not contracted HSV. They have a very healthy sex life. They don't use precautions any more. They stopped about a year before marriage. He knew she was special. He wanted to be with her regardless. HSV isn't what made her the person she is. I get your point ... in fact I've thought about some girls I've known in the past - and there are some (two) that think I could be happy with - even if there was an HSV thing. So I get that. But I don't get the sense in ignoring risks for someone I'm just getting to know ... like just a few dates. And I again, I'm talking about being told by a date that she does have HSV. That's ignoring the risk for just about anyone - and I'd rather not. And just like you think someone is ignorant for that - and you even seem resentful of them - I think it's just plain foolish to ignore risk - even though the medical system has published low odds.
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I get your point ... in fact I've thought about some girls I've known in the past - and there are some (two) that think I could be happy with - even if there was an HSV thing. So I get that. But I don't get the sense in ignoring risks for someone I'm just getting to know ... like just a few dates. And I again, I'm talking about being told by a date that she does have HSV. That's ignoring the risk for just about anyone - and I'd rather not. And just like you think someone is ignorant for that - and you even seem resentful of them - I think it's just plain foolish to ignore risk - even though the medical system has published low odds. You are ignoring the fact that you've most likely all ready have been in contact with the disease. Come on.... 1 in 4 have it. Being selective doesn't change this figure. It remains the same. And that being just for those who KNOW they have it. Think about the figure for those who don't know they have it. I still maintain what I've said in post 179 and 180. And I'm not resentful. I have nothing to be resentful for.
Cherished Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Honey, I know I don't have it. I do get tested and, like I said, I am selective, which the government site will tell you, next to abstinence, is the best way to prevent contracting it. Good luck to you! No it means, A - You are lucky or B - You have it and don't know it .. how about C - if been in contact with someone who does has it, you and/or him didn't know it, and just didn't contract it. Probably not. It's easier to preach then it is to act. You know what Cherished, I'm not a virgin nor do I have the 'Big H' yet I agree with Dunstable. You are ignorant to think you'll never get HSV just because you are 'selective'. Give me a freaking break.
StayinFree Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The scenario in this threadd thread is about being with a date who confesses to you that she/he definitely has Herpes II. Not that he/she MIGHT have it but DOES have it. The odds against getting it from that person are supposedly low. But I would opt out anyway ... Whatever the odds (even if low) ... repeated events increase the odds and the risk. Even if I might have been exposed before and didn't know it - but lucked out. I would still opt out if I were told that she has it. To Dreamergrl: Even if I might someday meet a girl that I fall in love with and decide to marry her, or whatever, then that's deciding to accept the risk for HER. But I wouldn't accept the risk for some "date" who tells me she has it. To those who would call me ignorant or unsophisticated or judgmental I would say to them, You're thinking with the little head (or clit) And to PG - who started this thread ... You waited til your guy would be thinking with the little head - then confessed. Please don't tell me you don't know that about men. C'mon girl ... admit it.
dreamergrl Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The scenario in this threadd thread is about being with a date who confesses to you that she/he definitely has Herpes II. Not that he/she MIGHT have it but DOES have it. The odds against getting it from that person are supposedly low. But I would opt out anyway ... Whatever the odds (even if low) ... repeated events increase the odds and the risk. Even if I might have been exposed before and didn't know it - but lucked out. I would still opt out if I were told that she has it. To Dreamergrl: Even if I might someday meet a girl that I fall in love with and decide to marry her, or whatever, then that's deciding to accept the risk for HER. But I wouldn't accept the risk for some "date" who tells me she has it. To those who would call me ignorant or unsophisticated or judgmental I would say to them, You're thinking with the little head (or clit) And to PG - who started this thread ... You waited til your guy would be thinking with the little head - then confessed. Please don't tell me you don't know that about men. C'mon girl ... admit it. Well you'd never have the chance to take that risk for someone, because you'd have to get pass seeing her as 'some date'. PG waited until the time was right for her. I doubt you'd tell your dates the first one or two times you see them that you have an STD that is not curable.
dreamergrl Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Honey, I know I don't have it. I do get tested and, like I said, I am selective, which the government site will tell you, next to abstinence, is the best way to prevent contracting it. Good luck to you! It doesn't matter if your selective. Anyone can have it. It's not like it's just stuck to whores and drug users. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The first couple of dates are about seeing whether you want a third or fourth date with a person. You are seeing if you may be compatible, if you are both interested in getting to know one another, you get the picture. The first couple of dates are not for oversharing. They are not for telling your date you were dated raped in college, not for confessing how lonely you feel sometimes, not for admitting you have $50,000 in debt. These things come later, when you start to open up to a person. Obviously if you plan on becoming sexually involved with the person on the 1st or 2nd date, then you need to disclose. Otherwise, wait until the time is right. From every thing I have read here, PandaGirl has handled this situation very gracefully, and it sounds like her dude is willing to see where this goes. Sounds like a success to me.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Honey, I know I don't have it. I do get tested and, like I said, I am selective, which the government site will tell you, next to abstinence, is the best way to prevent contracting it. Good luck to you! You can be as selective as you want and you can still get herpes. All it takes is sexual activity (not even intercourse, apparently) with ONE person who has it, and there you go. Judgmental, much?
dreamergrl Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The first couple of dates are about seeing whether you want a third or fourth date with a person. You are seeing if you may be compatible, if you are both interested in getting to know one another, you get the picture. The first couple of dates are not for oversharing. They are not for telling your date you were dated raped in college, not for confessing how lonely you feel sometimes, not for admitting you have $50,000 in debt. These things come later, when you start to open up to a person. Obviously if you plan on becoming sexually involved with the person on the 1st or 2nd date, then you need to disclose. Otherwise, wait until the time is right. From every thing I have read here, PandaGirl has handled this situation very gracefully, and it sounds like her dude is willing to see where this goes. Sounds like a success to me. You can be as selective as you want and you can still get herpes. All it takes is sexual activity (not even intercourse, apparently) with ONE person who has it, and there you go. Judgmental, much? Thank you Cherry! Very well said!
Cherished Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 YES you can be selective and take precautions and still get it....just like you can get in your car get in a serious accident....just like you can go on an airline flight and get in a crash.....just like you can buy a lottery ticket today and be a millionaire tomorrow.....see what I'm getting at? SLIM chances. Why not SIGNIFICANTLY lower your chances by not being promiscuous and being selective with sex partners. This is something where you have a CHOICE to SIGNIFICANTLY lower your chances of NOT getting HERPES.... Since this is something where I can be PROACTIVE and DO something to SIGNIFICANTLY prevent my chances of contracting a disease, I'm going to do it. You keep on sleeping with guys without being in relationships and not getting to know them very well...that is called NOT BEING SELECTIVE and INCREASING YOUR CHANCES of contracting herpes.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Thank you Cherry! Very well said! Anytime :bunny:
Cherished Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Ha ha, you guys still don't get it. Even if supposedly 1 out of 4 people are infected with HSV, if I am selective, and not just jumping into bed right away with a guy....I am having a much lower chance of contracting HSV than the 1 in 4 stats, specifically if I...gasp....actually get to KNOW the guy and begin...gasp...a relationship with him before I become sexually intimate with him. Then...gasp...actually both of us going to a clinic and getting...gasp...tested for STDs before jumping into bed.... Is this really that far off of a concept to you? If it is, it's scary. sorry, ladies, there is a LOT you can do to make your chances of contracting the disease close to zero. Just because you two got it, doesn't mean we should all say "OH screw it, I'll just spread my legs for any Tom, Dick, and Harry, without developing a relationship and getting us tested, since I'll probably get it anyway." Seriously, that's your mentality, ladies.
dunstable Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Ha ha, you guys still don't get it. Even if supposedly 1 out of 4 people are infected with HSV, if I am selective, and not just jumping into bed right away with a guy....I am having a much lower chance of contracting HSV than the 1 in 4 stats, specifically if I...gasp....actually get to KNOW the guy and begin...gasp...a relationship with him before I become sexually intimate with him. Then...gasp...actually both of us going to a clinic and getting...gasp...tested for STDs before jumping into bed.... Is this really that far off of a concept to you? I've marked in bold the part that intrigues me. Why do you suppose the risk starts when you jump into bed? Do you also refrain from oral sex before being tested? Do you also refrain from kissing? Just how far do you allow yourself to go prior to getting the test results?
Cherished Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 The "oral' thing has never been a real problem. No one wants the genital stuff. See, it's no different than not smoking. Being selective is the same thing as not smoking to keep from getting lung cancer....but there still is a remote chance you can get it. Sorry, Dunstable, oral or not, you're bringning other "wrinkles" into it....I'm not just going to not take precautions to prevent from getting HSV just because those who have it are all about "sleep with whoever, without worrying, you probably have it anyway or will get it very soon" That is a very crazy way to think about it, just like smoking would be the same as "I'm probably going to get cancer anyway, so I should go ahead and puff 2 packs a day.
dunstable Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 The "oral' thing has never been a real problem. No one wants the genital stuff. Since you didn't answer my question about kissing, I assume that you do kiss your dates prior to asking them to get STD tested. So you do engage in the activity that mostly spreads HSV1. The precautions you take are mainly directed against HSV2. Would that be a fair summary?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 OH screw it, I'll just spread my legs for any Tom, Dick, and Harry That's YOUR mentality. There is nothing in this thread from PandaGirl, Dreamer, anyone, that implies they are "spreading their legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry." Your verbiage represents a condescending view of women, women's sexuality, and of specific posters on this thread.
hoping2heal Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 HSV1 can still spread to the genitals if a person has HSV1, just a heads up. So if you're indeed "not" being as "selective" with who you're kissing, it's possible to also end up with a strain of herpes, that while may not be classified as HSV2 or genital herpes, could still cause a person to have outbreaks on their genitals.
dunstable Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I'm not just going to not take precautions to prevent from getting HSV just because those who have it are all about "sleep with whoever, without worrying, you probably have it anyway or will get it very soon" I don't think anyone on this thread has actually said that (the words in bold). They have said, with accuracy, words to the effect "the majority of the population acquires one or both of HSV1 and HSV2 before they die ". No one has tried to deter you from taking whatever precautions you want.
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