dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 So then what's wrong with one or two stars for honesty ... just not four stars ... You are a stern judge! I would give PG 3.5 out of 4 stars.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This is redicuous ... I can just see it now. I meet a girl and have four dates with her. Invite her home where we start making out .... I get her top off - she gets my top off Then I say, "Whoa ... stop ... I gotta be honest with you ... I have herpes" I think she'd be pissed ... I don't think she'd praise me for being honest. She might be relieved ... but pissed. Unless she had herpes too - I guess.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You are a stern judge! I would give PG 3.5 out of 4 stars. OK fair enough - call me Simon Cowell
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This is redicuous ... I can just see it now. I meet a girl and have four dates with her. Invite her home where we start making out .... I get her top off - she gets my top off Then I say, "Whoa ... stop ... I gotta be honest with you ... I have herpes" My experience is that the norm is not to mention it at all especially if it is oral herpes (someone said a short time ago in this thread that oral herpes doesn't count -- yet the two viruses are almost identical in their contagiousness and in their consequences).
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Wow, why do you think it is so unreasonable to insist on a full STD test before getting intimate sexually with someone? This is not a way out there practice. THe way to silently combat HSV is to do that very thing....be selective with your sexual partners and ummm...develop a monogamouos relationship first, then insist on a complete STD test. People who have it are very insistent that it doesn't matter what you do, you can still get it. Sure, anything's possible, but what you are not getting is that you can GREATLY decrease the odds of contracting it. YES, there's a chance of getting on a plane and it crashing, too. just like if you insisted on your partner getting a full STD test you could still get it, with a VERY small margin. The people carrying it are going to say "Now HSV is SOOOO common, no big deal" of course. You could catch herpes before hopping into bed - from kissing for example. You said something in your other post about not caring about oral herpes but only genital -- I think that's illogical. Do you actually do that yourself? How many other people viewing this forum do it? I suspect most people don't know or don't like to think that a huge part of the population silently carries HSV.
nittanylion Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think she was not entirely honest with him at the time the top of her came off. It was a sneaky move! She could tell him without the clothes off, if that is the case, she would be completely honest. My guess is that she didnt tell him before the hitting the sack was because she is afraid of losing him, and really like him alot. Nonetheless, the outcome was favorable for both, her and him since they both have herpes too. No one wants herpes but s hit happen in life for a reason. They both have something in common to talk about with no shame in either party. In the end, it works best for both of them.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Wow, why do you think it is so unreasonable to insist on a full STD test before getting intimate sexually with someone? I don't think it's unreasonable. I've had myself tested a number of times. (Though I've never asked the other person to do it but have left that to their own judgment as to whether they felt they needed to.)
Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The fact that she at least told him before doing anything that would risk transmission is perfectly fine, in my opinion. Who cares if it was explained after the tops came off? That is almost irrelevant, in my book.
filipinafriend Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 if both of you have herpes now, the best thing to do is a medication. it's not the time to tell who's fault.
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I am in my late 30s, have had serious relationships with men...and have managed to contract neither. It's because I am selective. No it means, A - You are lucky or B - You have it and don't know it .. how about C - if been in contact with someone who does has it, you and/or him didn't know it, and just didn't contract it. I assume you mean "their status" not "your status". Is that what you personally do? You get an HSV antibody test before you kiss anyone? Probably not. It's easier to preach then it is to act. dunstable, you either 1. have the big H or 2. are a virgin and would have no problems sleeping with someone with the H so this convo is pointless. I was obviously talking about going to the doctor and getting a full STD checkup which is really what people need to be doing these days before they hop into bed with someone, and seeing the results of their potential partner. Anyone who would refuse to do this would not be a partner worth anything anyway. You know what Cherished, I'm not a virgin nor do I have the 'Big H' yet I agree with Dunstable. You are ignorant to think you'll never get HSV just because you are 'selective'. Give me a freaking break.
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Cherish, A person can get tested and request the same out of the bf/gf ,husband/wife, life partner etc. That doesn't mean their partner won't cheat on them and give them herpes, we hope it doesn't happen, but it's a risk out there. It doesn't mean that person is promiscous or not selective just because they have herpes. There are also those who have been sexually abused, assaulted, raped etc. who were given the disease through that means. You can do all the preventive measures, be in a stable comitted relationship, and still have herpes. Please stop acting like you have the golden vulva. Right on. Besides, who's to say when the person gives you the 'dated copy'... it's been four months since they've last had sex... because it takes up to four months to get in your blood stream.
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 But KNOWING (100%) that your date has herpes is NOT almost the same is not know anything at all. Really it is, because unless you wait four months to get tested since your last sexual encounter, you never know for sure. How many times do you think you knew 100% your date did not have herpes?
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You are ignorant to think you'll never get HSV just because you are 'selective'. Give me a freaking break. Where did she ever say she'll never get HSV just because she is selective? And you're even calling her 'ignorant' while you're miss quoting her.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 How many times do you think you knew 100% your date did not have herpes? Now you've miss quoted me too. I didn't say - know for sure that your date does NOT have herpes. I said - when you know for sure that your date DOES have herpes ... it's different from knowing he/she might have it.
Jilly Bean Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Where did she ever say she'll never get HSV just because she is selective? And you're even calling her 'ignorant' while you're miss quoting her. She said it in post #109. Dreamer was NOT misquoting her. And it's a very ignorant and uninformed point to make, anyhow. I have slept with over 150 men, and have never contract the H, nor the HIV, nor warts, nor gonorrhea, nor syphilis, etc. The ONE STD I got, was chlamydia, which I got from the SECOND guy I ever had sex with. Being "selective" is not a defense against an STD, unless every new partner Cherished slept with was a confirmed virgin.
boldjack Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'm with Jill, I've had partners in the triple-digits, and haven't caught a cold. There's no such thing as a sure thing. (although I'd be willing to chance it with Jill)
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 She said it in post #109. Dreamer was NOT misquoting her. And it's a very ignorant and uninformed point to make, anyhow. I have slept with over 150 men, and have never contract the H, nor the HIV, nor warts, nor gonorrhea, nor syphilis, etc. The ONE STD I got, was chlamydia, which I got from the SECOND guy I ever had sex with. Being "selective" is not a defense against an STD, unless every new partner Cherished slept with was a confirmed virgin. So if a guy told you he has HSV or Chlamydia ... you'd still sleep with him? Not that he MIGHT have it ... but that he DOES have it?
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'm with Jill, I've had partners in the triple-digits, and haven't caught a cold. There's no such thing as a sure thing. (although I'd be willing to chance it with Jill) Even if Jill told you she DOES have something?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Being "selective" is not a defense against an STD, unless every new partner Cherished slept with was a confirmed virgin. Even then he could have oral HSV since something approaching 50% of the population get it in childhood from being kissed by older relatives! The idea that you can be selective and avoid STD's is wishful thinking.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 She said it in post #109. Dreamer was NOT misquoting her. And it's a very ignorant and uninformed point to make, anyhow. I have slept with over 150 men, and have never contract the H, nor the HIV, nor warts, nor gonorrhea, nor syphilis, etc. The ONE STD I got, was chlamydia, which I got from the SECOND guy I ever had sex with. Being "selective" is not a defense against an STD, unless every new partner Cherished slept with was a confirmed virgin. I read that quote ... " I am in my late 30s, have had serious relationships with men...and have managed to contract neither. It's because I am selective. " She didn't say she'll never get HSV by being selective. I guess you think she implied it. But I think she's implied that being selective is better than not being selective. And I think your'e trying to make the point that theres no sense in being selective or taking precautions -
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The idea that you can be selective and avoid STD's is wishful thinking. The idea of thinking you might as well NOT be selective is foolish thinking. I think anyone should improve their odds when they can.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 So if a guy told you he has HSV or Chlamydia ... you'd still sleep with him? Not that he MIGHT have it ... but that he DOES have it? Well I'm a guy so I'll have to reverse the genders. If a woman told me she had chlamydia, I would put off sex for a couple of weeks till she had cleared it up with a course of antibiotics. If she told me she had HSV (and assuming I didn't already have immunity by having the right HSV infection myself), I would have to decide between three options: (1) Run away, (2) postpone intimacy till I knew that I wanted her for a relationship, (3) enjoy sex with her on the basis that the risk per encounter is minimal -- about 1.6 per 10,000 sex acts. Personally, I would probably go with option (3).
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 ... something approaching 50% of the population get it in childhood from being kissed by older relatives! So ... girl 'A says, "I'm in the 50% possibility category" girl 'B' says, "I have herpes, are you sure you wanna do this?" you'd see no difference?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think anyone should improve their odds when they can. Sure but you seemed to think in earlier posts you could eliminate the risk? By all means improve the odds, but be realistic and realize that the residual risk will still be significant.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 ... the risk per encounter is minimal -- about 1.6 per 10,000 sex acts. Personally, I would probably go with option (3). See ... that's where I guess maybe I'm a little more cautious than you. And I uderstand that some people who have it get touchy about people who don't know those low odds or are averse to risk even if low. I've been with women (twice) who told me before hand (which I appreciated) and I opted out. Both of them got pissed - both of them looked at me like I was ignorant. In fact they both acted like I hurt their feelings. I see a lot of that touchiness in this thread.
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