Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 No one has yet answered my question as to how one can be careful? I already fully addressed that. It's called 1. being selective and not just hopping into bed with just anyone. 2. Waiting until you really know the person and develop a relationship with them 3. When it gets to the point you are thinking of intimacy, both go make an appointment for a full STD test and don't be intimate until you see a dated copy of the results from the doctor. That might not be fullproof, however, if they had it the day before, then went and slept with someone that night, then presented you with the paper...however, you would know the person well enough to know their character at that point.
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The risks were minute in a one-time oral sex encounter. They would have been zero prior to any physical contact but let's not make out this was like playing Russian roulette. With HSV1, avoidance of risk means telling before the first kiss. How may people reading this thread do that? I know that statistically 50-80% of readers on this thread have HSV1. I think there is a lot of moralizing going on but few people practicing what they preach. We're really talking about the Herpes which affects your genitials, not the cold sores on your mouth. I have never had a cold sore in my life, by the way.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I've asked for this from a girl ... and I've been asked to do it for a girl. It meant going for a full STD screen and requestring a Herpes test too. It took about a week to get the results back. Good for you and for that girl too! Maybe I can do a little poll and ask how many other people have done the same as you?
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The risks were minute in a one-time oral sex encounter. They would have been zero prior to any physical contact but let's not make out this was like playing Russian roulette. With HSV1, avoidance of risk means telling before the first kiss. How may people reading this thread do that? I know that statistically 50-80% of readers on this thread have HSV1. I think there is a lot of moralizing going on but few people practicing what they preach. But this isn't about you ... It's about a girl who told the guy that she definitely has herpes ... then he had sex with her anyway .... It's not about you!
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 We're really talking about the Herpes which affects your genitials, not the cold sores on your mouth. I have never had a cold sore in my life, by the way. Why are you only talking about genital herpes? Oral herpes is about as bad. Do a little reading and you will see.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 let's not make out this was like playing Russian roulette. I think there is a lot of moralizing going on but few people practicing what they preach. See ... this thread is not about Russian Roulette. This is about somone who had all 6 chambers loaded. He KNEW she had herpes. And I haven't seen ANY moralizing here. Just talk about pragmatics.
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think the controversy comes from her waiting til their tops were off before telling him the truth. Sort of honest - but not really ... what if a man waited until the girl was all excited before confessing some truth. If she waited til then to tell me the truth - I wouldn't praise her for honesty - I'd be a little pissed. I think another question comes up over her not recognizing that he wasn't going to be so honest until she broke the ice. Yes, I agree that the timing was inappropriate and it could have been handled differently, but he is a grown adult and consented to it fully knowing the risks involved. But I bring up the point again, if he KNEW he had oral HSV-1, why did HE wait to disclose it to her just the same. TWO people here.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I already fully addressed that. It's called 1. being selective and not just hopping into bed with just anyone. You could catch herpes before hopping into bed - from kissing for example. You said something in your other post about not caring about oral herpes but only genital -- I think that's illogical. I 3. When it gets to the point you are thinking of intimacy, both go make an appointment for a full STD test and don't be intimate until you see a dated copy of the results from the doctor. Do you actually do that yourself? How many other people viewing this forum do it? I suspect most people don't know or don't like to think that a huge part of the population silently carries HSV.
hoping2heal Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I already fully addressed that. It's called 1. being selective and not just hopping into bed with just anyone. 2. Waiting until you really know the person and develop a relationship with them 3. When it gets to the point you are thinking of intimacy, both go make an appointment for a full STD test and don't be intimate until you see a dated copy of the results from the doctor. That might not be fullproof, however, if they had it the day before, then went and slept with someone that night, then presented you with the paper...however, you would know the person well enough to know their character at that point. Cherish, A person can get tested and request the same out of the bf/gf ,husband/wife, life partner etc. That doesn't mean their partner won't cheat on them and give them herpes, we hope it doesn't happen, but it's a risk out there. It doesn't mean that person is promiscous or not selective just because they have herpes. There are also those who have been sexually abused, assaulted, raped etc. who were given the disease through that means. You can do all the preventive measures, be in a stable comitted relationship, and still have herpes. Please stop acting like you have the golden vulva.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Yes, I agree that the timing was inappropriate and it could have been handled differently, but he is a grown adult and consented to it fully knowing the risks involved. But I bring up the point again, if he KNEW he had oral HSV-1, why did HE wait to disclose it to her just the same. TWO people here. I agreed to that earlier ... I said she gets a little credit for sort of being honest But he ought to be punched for not being as honest as she was. Look I just don't agree with all the fawning over her honesty. I would be pissed at her for wating til then to tell the truth.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 See ... this thread is not about Russian Roulette. This is about somone who had all 6 chambers loaded. He KNEW she had herpes. By saying she had "all 6 chamber loaded", you imply that she was guaranteed to give him herpes but the statistics are that the transmission rate from female to male in unprotected intercourse with a female who has HSV2 is only 1.6 per 10,000 acts of intercourse. They did not have intercourse but only oral sex. HSV2 does not easily infect the mouth so while I can't give you a statistic, the risk was much less than 1.6 in 10,000 that one time they were intimate.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This whole thread is NOT about taking uncertain or unknown risks. It's about KNOWING that herpes is there and going ahead anyway.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think you're trying to get around the point that it's dumb to have sex when you KNOW the other person has herpes. Given that 50% to 80% of the population (depending on age) has HSV, if I accept your argument then I have to conclude it's dumb to have sex with anyone at all.
hoping2heal Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I agreed to that earlier ... I said she gets a little credit for sort of being honest But he ought to be punched for not being as honest as she was. Look I just don't agree with all the fawning over her honesty. I would be pissed at her for wating til then to tell the truth. Well, at the end of the day the only person really affected by how and when she chose to disclose was him. Just because they were in the heat of the moment, she told him, and he went ahead and continued sexually doesn't exempt his responsibility all of the sudden. Maybe it was only "sort of" honest, but would you of done any better if you were the one who had to live with herpes? Maybe, maybe not. It's a hell of a lot better than some of the stories on here about people who have been having unprotected sex with their partners for weeks/months/etc. knowing they have herpes and not saying a word.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 This whole thread is NOT about taking uncertain or unknown risks. It's about KNOWING that herpes is there and going ahead anyway. Look, let's say for the sake of argument the risk is 1.6 per 10,000 sex acts with a person you know has HSV. Since (say) 50% of the population has it, then having sex with a person you do not know has it will reduce the risk to 0.8 per 10,000 sex acts. Hardly a big difference is it?
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I agreed to that earlier ... I said she gets a little credit for sort of being honest But he ought to be punched for not being as honest as she was. Look I just don't agree with all the fawning over her honesty. I would be pissed at her for wating til then to tell the truth. Point taken.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 By saying she had "all 6 chamber loaded", you imply that she was guaranteed to give him herpes but the statistics are that the transmission rate from female to male in unprotected intercourse with a female who has HSV2 is only 1.6 per 10,000 acts of intercourse. They did not have intercourse but only oral sex. HSV2 does not easily infect the mouth so while I can't give you a statistic, the risk was much less than 1.6 in 10,000 that one time they were intimate. OK - so if you KNOW your date has herpes and you pretty certain (or even KNOW) that you don't. You think it's wise to go for it? I think it's foolish. And I think you're arguing a lost cause here.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 OK - so if you KNOW your date has herpes and you pretty certain (or even KNOW) that you don't. You think it's wise to go for it? I think it's foolish. And I think you're arguing a lost cause here. My point is you would be at almost the same risk with someone who's herpes status you did not know because of HSV prevalence in the population.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 And I haven't seen ANY moralizing here. Just talk about pragmatics. I saw moralizing when people said she became intimate with him too soon and that she caught HSV because she was not selective enough.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 doesn't exempt his responsibility all of the sudden. . Who has exempted him of anything? Where did you get that from? You've jumped to that conclusion. would you of done any better if you were the one who had to live with herpes? Maybe, maybe not. I'm pretty sure that if I told the story of waiting til I had my date's top off ... then told her the truth ... I doubt that anyone would be fawing over my honesty. Fawning over PG's honesty seems to be going over the top. If I ever get herpes - not impossible. I hope I would have found a way - having thought ahead of time - to tell any girl the truth - BEFORE I get her into the intimate setting of my home and into my arms. I would expect ANY women to get pissed at me for any less.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I saw moralizing when people said she became intimate with him too soon and that she caught HSV because she was not selective enough. That's not moralizing.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'm pretty sure that if I told the story of waiting til I had my date's top off ... then told her the truth ... I doubt that anyone would be fawing over my honesty. I've probably had a 100 sex partners in my life and from what I now know, at least 50% probably had one or other form of HSV (simply based on its prevalence in the population). Yet not one has told me they have it. So I think PG's honesty is far superior to the norm and it is not fawning to give her credit for that.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 My point is you would be at almost the same risk with someone who's herpes status you did not know because of HSV prevalence in the population. But KNOWING (100%) that your date has herpes is NOT almost the same is not know anything at all.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I've probably had a 100 sex partners in my life and from what I now know, at least 50% probably had one or other form of HSV (simply based on its prevalence in the population). Yet not one has told me they have it. So I think PG's honesty is far superior to the norm and it is not fawning to give her credit for that. So then what's wrong with one or two stars for honesty ... just not four stars ... and there has been a lot of fawning over her honesty and I don't think it's out of line to say she ought to tell the truth before making out and going topless. Like I said, I'd fully expect a woman to get pissed at a guy if the roles were reversed.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 But KNOWING (100%) that your date has herpes is NOT almost the same is not know anything at all. KNOWING your date has HSV is 100% probability that she has it (as you say). NOT KNOWING is at least 50% probability that she has it based on HSV prevalence in the population. For me, 100% and 50% are both of a similar order of magnitude. If I date three or four people, I can be ALMOST CERTAIN that one of them had it even though I would not know which one.
Recommended Posts