dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Let's try and see this in perspective. There was a view expressed that PG should have told of her herpes before any physical contact. While to do so would have been irreproachable, she did tell him at a stage when his risk was insignificant or at least tiny. He for his part didn't mention his herpes until PG mentioned hers. I think PG's conduct was pretty damn near perfect.
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You state that as if we're all destined to get herpes. We're not if we're selective and don't sleep with just anyone. I know I'm going to get blasted for stating this, but even on the governmental websites about herpes/STDs, it states that selectivity in sexual partners is the best way to prevent it aside from abstinence. I think you might be right. It didn't take a lot of research to find out that the small virus getting through a latex membrane might be over-stated. But I'll still avoid (knowingly) risking sex with herpes. Most of the girls where I live come from Replican families. Confessing to them that I'm a Democrat and have herpes too ... I'll never get laid. So I'll hold off from herpes as long as possible.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Let's try and see this in perspective. There was a view expressed that PG should have told of her herpes before any physical contact. While to do so would have been irreproachable, she did tell him at a stage when his risk was insignificant or at least tiny. He for his part didn't mention his herpes until PG mentioned hers. I think PG's conduct was pretty damn near perfect. I still give her only one or two stars. Not Four. She knew it's harder for him to resist after the tops are off. But he needs one or two punches in the nose.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You state that as if we're all destined to get herpes. We're not if we're selective and don't sleep with just anyone. I know I'm going to get blasted for stating this, but even on the governmental websites about herpes/STDs, it states that selectivity in sexual partners is the best way to prevent it aside from abstinence. I certainly wouldn't blast you for saying that. I'm only responding to all the campaining here that people who are afraid to get it (that would be me) are 80 to 90% destined to get it anyway (I don't buy that). And we who fear it are also judgemental, ignorant of the facts and narrow minded. I deny being neither judgmental, narrow minded nor ignorant of the facts. But I'm still going to avoid herpes if I can. Abstinence is impossible ... for me. I know that sex isn't everything (blah blah blah). There is also air food and water. Let's see ... I could go without air for maybe 2 or 3 minutes ... water for a couple of days and food for maybe a few weeks ... So sex falls between food and water - for how long I could survive. So I agree ... selectivity rather than abstinance.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Let's try and see this in perspective. There was a view expressed that PG should have told of her herpes before any physical contact. While to do so would have been irreproachable, she did tell him at a stage when his risk was insignificant or at least tiny. He for his part didn't mention his herpes until PG mentioned hers. I think PG's conduct was pretty damn near perfect. And I'd still be a little pissed if she waited til we had our tops off
BloodyBandage Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I really admire you for being so honest with him. I would have had the same response too..I think it's more common than people let on and pretty cool you guys are going to be together.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 So I agree ... selectivity rather than abstinance. On what basis do you select? Your prospective partner will be one of: (a) has received an antibody test with negative result showing they never had a herpes infection, (b) have herpes, or © not know their herpes status. Since you don't want to pick (b) and hardly anyone has been tested as in (a), then "selectivity" means having sex with someone who doesn't know their status. With the prevalence of HSV1 and HSV2, option © is hardly safe is it?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You state that as if we're all destined to get herpes. We're not if we're selective and don't sleep with just anyone. Look at the statistics. Most people get HSV1 and a substantial proportion of the rest get HSV2, Those without either are a small minority (at least by the time they reach middle age).
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Look at the statistics. Most people get HSV1 and a substantial proportion of the rest get HSV2, Those without either are a small minority (at least by the time they reach middle age). I am in my late 30s, have had serious relationships with men...and have managed to contract neither. It's because I am selective.
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 or option d) tell them to show them your status and not sleep with them until you are shown the test results. This isn't rocket science. If someone won't go to the doctors office in order to continue a relationship, they're simply not worthy and very uncaring as to their partner. (not caring if they could have it but refuse to get tested so as to spread it) On what basis do you select? Your prospective partner will be one of: (a) has received an antibody test with negative result showing they never had a herpes infection, (b) have herpes, or © not know their herpes status. Since you don't want to pick (b) and hardly anyone has been tested as in (a), then "selectivity" means having sex with someone who doesn't know their status. With the prevalence of HSV1 and HSV2, option © is hardly safe is it?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I am in my late 30s, have had serious relationships with men...and have managed to contract neither. It's because I am selective. Have you had an HSV antibody test? If not, how do you know you have not contracted it? Many people don't notice any symptoms.
Author pandagirl Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I am in my late 30s, have had serious relationships with men...and have managed to contract neither. It's because I am selective. I don't know if I ever said this, but the guy I got H from was only the second person I'd ever slept with at the age of 24. I was and AM incredibly selective.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 or option d) tell them to show them your status and not sleep with them until you are shown the test results. I assume you mean "their status" not "your status". Is that what you personally do? You get an HSV antibody test before you kiss anyone?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I don't know if I ever said this, but the guy I got H from was only the second person I'd ever slept with at the age of 24. I was and AM incredibly selective. I don't doubt that. You could have caught it from the first person you had sex with. It really irritates me that people are so ignorant as to think that catching an STD means one is non-selective. Every sexual encounter (even a kiss) is a risk and its the luck of the draw whether anything bad happens to you or not.
Cherished Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 dunstable, you either 1. have the big H or 2. are a virgin and would have no problems sleeping with someone with the H so this convo is pointless. I was obviously talking about going to the doctor and getting a full STD checkup which is really what people need to be doing these days before they hop into bed with someone, and seeing the results of their potential partner. Anyone who would refuse to do this would not be a partner worth anything anyway.
hoping2heal Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Well, I agree that if you care about your partner you will get tested and be open with them about it before being physical. It's one of the simplest ways to show you care about their well being.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 On what basis do you select? Your prospective partner will be one of: (a) has received an antibody test with negative result showing they never had a herpes infection, (b) have herpes, or © not know their herpes status. Since you don't want to pick (b) and hardly anyone has been tested as in (a), then "selectivity" means having sex with someone who doesn't know their status. With the prevalence of HSV1 and HSV2, option © is hardly safe is it? No no no ... the context of this thread is not nearly all that convoluted. I'll try though ... ummm ... (a) for sure (b) No © possibly This thread is all about honestly telling somone that you have herpes or not. Then what would one do after hearing such a confession from a date. I'm just saying that if a girl told me she has herpes I would thank her for her for her honesty and opt out. i.e.; (b) is a NO - for sure PG's new bf had the (b) option and said OK So this thread seems to get a little wierd to me. Like when the one confesses she/he has herpes then the other person "ought" to say, "well that's OK, 'cause I'm savvy about statistics and I figured you probably have herpes anyway ... and I probably have it too" or "well even though I've only been on a few dates with you, I really like you, enough to risk an incurable disease, that I will eventally get anyway, and we already have our tops off so so let's take off our bottoms too." Just seems a little strange to me.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 dunstable, you either 1. have the big H or 2. are a virgin and would have no problems sleeping with someone with the H so this convo is pointless. I already mentioned twice I have genital HSV1. I don't like you calling it the big H. I only had one small painless sore 16 years ago so it hasn't been much of an inconvenience. I was obviously talking about going to the doctor and getting a full STD checkup which is really what people need to be doing these days before they hop into bed with someone, and seeing the results of their potential partner. Anyone who would refuse to do this would not be a partner worth anything anyway. The standard STD panel does not include an herpes antibody test. You would need to specifically request it. Also, if you don't want to spread HSV1, you have to refrain from even kissing anyone. That's why nearly 50% of the population catch HSV1 as children or young adults.
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The OP was open and honest in this case, yet certain people still disapprove of the way she handled it nonetheless. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but what I find interesting is that her ex bf gave her genital HSV-2 (knowingly or not), when he cheated on her, yet SHE is on trial. Mind boggling.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I don't doubt that. You could have caught it from the first person you had sex with. It really irritates me that people are so ignorant as to think that catching an STD means one is non-selective. Every sexual encounter (even a kiss) is a risk and its the luck of the draw whether anything bad happens to you or not. It's more than just the luck of the draw. The less careful you are the more the risk.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 The OP was open and honest in this case, yet certain people still disapprove of the way she handled it nonetheless. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but what I find interesting is that her ex bf gave her genital HSV-2 (knowingly or not), when he cheated on her, yet SHE is on trial. Mind boggling. I think the controversy comes from her waiting til their tops were off before telling him the truth. Sort of honest - but not really ... what if a man waited until the girl was all excited before confessing some truth. If she waited til then to tell me the truth - I wouldn't praise her for honesty - I'd be a little pissed. I think another question comes up over her not recognizing that he wasn't going to be honest until she broke the ice.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 It's more than just the luck of the draw. The less careful you are the more the risk. No one has yet answered my question as to how one can be careful?
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 or option d) tell them to show them your status and not sleep with them until you are shown the test results. This isn't rocket science. If someone won't go to the doctors office in order to continue a relationship, they're simply not worthy and very uncaring as to their partner. (not caring if they could have it but refuse to get tested so as to spread it) I've asked for this from a girl ... and I've been asked to do it for a girl. It meant going for a full STD screen and requestring a Herpes test too. It took about a week to get the results back.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I think the controversy comes from her waiting til their tops were off before telling him the truth. The risks were minute in a one-time oral sex encounter. They would have been zero prior to any physical contact but let's not make out this was like playing Russian roulette. With HSV1, avoidance of risk means telling before the first kiss. How may people reading this thread do that? I know that statistically 50-80% of readers on this thread have HSV1. I think there is a lot of moralizing going on but few people practicing what they preach.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 No one has yet answered my question as to how one can be careful? I think you're trying to get around the point that it's dumb to have sex when you KNOW the other person has herpes.
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