dreamergrl Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 PG was very up front before becoming intimate. It was then the guy's choice if he wanted to be intimate. He knew and knows the risks. Quit getting on PG. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness. I don't see why anyone has to get on PG for all of this? She handled everything in a very mature manner. Grow up people and stop ragging on her. PG - I'm very happy for you that everything is going well!!! Don't let the few people on here bring you down. You have done nothing wrong.
Truly Lost Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I think its great that Pandagirl found someone who is looking past the herpes issue and willing to risk catching the virus to be with her. Its just a skin irritation, no more, no less. I don't think people with herpes should have to be quarantined to protect those who don't have it. Geez, herpes does not transform a perfectly healthy person into a diseased monster. Most people who have herpes either got it from someone who didn't know they had it or from someone who did know and didn't disclose it. Either situation sucks royally to be in. Its bad enough for someone who has herpes to deal with its symptoms but its even worse to have to put up with people like Calizaggy and Cherished who attach such a terrible stigma to it. Thats worse than the disease itself. Hopefully neither of you will ever have to deal with it, but I bet if either one of you do, your attitude will change. No body wants an STD. And the way you two talk, it sounds like people, who have herpes, are purposely out to spread it. Its hard as hell to find someone to love. I've gone on date after date with shallow losers, so if I was dating a guy that I really liked a lot and he told me he had herpes, I wouldn't throw him away. I would be greatful that he told me and hope that he would help prevent spreading it to me. I do realise that if I do catch it I would be stuck with it and would have to tell every partner there after, but I don't honestly have plans to screw the whole world.
northstar1 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I think its great that Pandagirl found someone who is looking past the herpes issue and willing to risk catching the virus to be with her. Its just a skin irritation, no more, no less. I don't think people with herpes should have to be quarantined to protect those who don't have it. Geez, herpes does not transform a perfectly healthy person into a diseased monster. Most people who have herpes either got it from someone who didn't know they had it or from someone who did know and didn't disclose it. Either situation sucks royally to be in. Its bad enough for someone who has herpes to deal with its symptoms but its even worse to have to put up with people like Calizaggy and Cherished who attach such a terrible stigma to it. Thats worse than the disease itself. Hopefully neither of you will ever have to deal with it, but I bet if either one of you do, your attitude will change. No body wants an STD. And the way you two talk, it sounds like people, who have herpes, are purposely out to spread it. Its hard as hell to find someone to love. I've gone on date after date with shallow losers, so if I was dating a guy that I really liked a lot and he told me he had herpes, I wouldn't throw him away. I would be greatful that he told me and hope that he would help prevent spreading it to me. I do realise that if I do catch it I would be stuck with it and would have to tell every partner there after, but I don't honestly have plans to screw the whole world. Bravo , well put.
calizaggy Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Bunch of hypocrittes. None of you, including PG, would knowingly want to date someone with herpes if you did not have it yourself. Telling someone after dating them for a month, right after getting naked is not exactly being upfront and honest. The guy is most likely desperate for some,dumb, or has low self esteem. Who else would want to get herpes from a girl after a few dates, and then have to explain his herpes to every woman he meets for the rest of his life? Then of course she is seeking validation.."I told him, so the risk is on him right?" Think about it. Would you rather have herpes or not? Why would he be different? Complete selfishness.. Telling him right after being naked, then practicing unsafe sex.. If you realy cared about this guy, or cared about spreading herpes, you would tell people LONG before getting naked. And you would be sure to be careful. Unless of course you want to spread it, or trap someone. But hey, atleast you feel better about yourself, even if it took spreading what you have.
Author pandagirl Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Bunch of hypocrittes. None of you, including PG, would knowingly want to date someone with herpes if you did not have it yourself. Telling someone after dating them for a month, right after getting naked is not exactly being upfront and honest. The guy is most likely desperate for some,dumb, or has low self esteem. Who else would want to get herpes from a girl after a few dates, and then have to explain his herpes to every woman he meets for the rest of his life? Then of course she is seeking validation.."I told him, so the risk is on him right?" Think about it. Would you rather have herpes or not? Why would he be different? Complete selfishness.. Telling him right after being naked, then practicing unsafe sex.. If you realy cared about this guy, or cared about spreading herpes, you would tell people LONG before getting naked. And you would be sure to be careful. Unless of course you want to spread it, or trap someone. But hey, atleast you feel better about yourself, even if it took spreading what you have. Actually, I think a lot of people would date someone who has herpes. The fact is that it's very common, with 20-25% of the population having genital herpes and 70% with oral herpes. Many more have herpes that don't even know about it. These people, including myself, are alive and well and functioning in relationships, families and societies. Anyone who doesn't want to date someone with herpes is fine -- that's their choice. Does anyone WANT herpes? Of course not! But, it's just part of life. Everyone has their free will. Cali, I think you are completely entitled to your own opinion about this matter. You are completely entitled to NOT wanting to date anyone with herpes, but to pass judgment on me and others, shows you are a narrow-minded person.
boldjack Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Cali, I . for one would date, love and , yes , even marry a woman with HSV. PG, you know the way I feel, and I am in your corner, 100%.
Jilly Bean Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Cali - PG knows full well I wouldn't date a guy with the H, but that doesn't mean I don't support her handling her love life with class, honesty, and strength. See how that works? That you can make your own choices AND still support someone else in their path? Hmmm...
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 For those of you who've forgotten...caliwhatever...this thread is about pandagirl and how she handled this entire situation in an admirable fashion. No one cares about who caliwhatever, would do or wouldn't do. For certain, I don't care.
Author pandagirl Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks everyone who has been so nice and supportive towards me! I really appreciate it. Let's just let this thread die. Calizaggy's has a lot of hatred in him. I think he needs a hug.
Truly Lost Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 The problem with herpes, or any STD for that matter, is that no person out there has the absolute moral obligation to inform anyone of their infection. They may not know they are infected at all. That's why so many people contract STDs. Sex with anyone is a gamble. It really is the luck of the draw, unless you (and your partner) are stictly adament about getting tested before pursuing a sexual relationship. Getting tested before pursuing a sexual relationship is smart, but not a realistic one. There are too many people who go out and have one night stands after a night of drinking or whatever, and then uh, oh.... I know friends that have had sex with condoms and still got herpes, so how careful can you actually be. The point I'm trying to make is, everyone makes mistakes, but shouldn't be cast off as a social misfit because of a bad decision. People make bad decisions all the time. I'm not saying that someone who is clean should take the ultimate risk of contracting a disease, like herpes, but to be compassionate to the other person's issue. It doesn't define who they are.
BubblyPopcorn Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Basically, he was so nonchalant about it, that it caught me a little off guard. He said he knew it was common and also said that a lot of people probably have it, but they don't know. (this is correct!) Then he said, "I think I actually have herpes on my mouth, because I used to get coldsores when I was a kid. I’m surprised no one mentioned, that if he had been aware he had Oral HSV-1 (i.e. cold sores), why didn’t he disclose that to her initially... Oral HSV-1 can be transmitted through oral sex infecting the other person with genital herpes. I’m not trying to make light of the situation, but for all we know, this man could very well knowingly (or unknowingly, depending on how educated he is on the virus) infect someone giving them genital herpes by giving them oral sex. Would he be persecuted just the same as the OP has in this thread? My guess would be no, since it would be construed as the "silent" transmitter.
Asami Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 The problem with herpes, or any STD for that matter, is that no person out there has the absolute moral obligation to inform anyone of their infection. They may not know they are infected at all. That's why so many people contract STDs. Sex with anyone is a gamble. It really is the luck of the draw, unless you (and your partner) are stictly adament about getting tested before pursuing a sexual relationship. Getting tested before pursuing a sexual relationship is smart, but not a realistic one. There are too many people who go out and have one night stands after a night of drinking or whatever, and then uh, oh.... I know friends that have had sex with condoms and still got herpes, so how careful can you actually be. The point I'm trying to make is, everyone makes mistakes, but shouldn't be cast off as a social misfit because of a bad decision. People make bad decisions all the time. I'm not saying that someone who is clean should take the ultimate risk of contracting a disease, like herpes, but to be compassionate to the other person's issue. It doesn't define who they are. I agree excellent post!
calizaggy Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 All I am saying is that IDEALLY: 1. Tell someone sooner. Depebding on how you meet, first or second date. Not after a month od dating and you are both getting naked. 2. Practice safe sex for a little while, until you know you will actually be together. I do not understand how this guy is comfortable to practice unsafe sex with you, but does not know you well enough to sleep in your bed? Let's say I had warts, herpes, whatever..I meet and seduce a desperate girl. She falls for me after a month. Then right before sex I drop the bomb. We proceed to have unproteted sex, and I give her warts/herpes. Then I say "Hey, I did the right thing! it's on her! her risk!" I just do not think that is something I should be applauded for. I am such an admirable guy!
dunstable Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I’m surprised no one mentioned, that if he had been aware he had Oral HSV-1 (i.e. cold sores), why didn’t he disclose that to her initially... Oral HSV-1 can be transmitted through oral sex infecting the other person with genital herpes. Yes, that's right, he had an equal obligation to disclose his oral HSV1. Oral HSV1 is easily passed with a kiss. So people having it should theoretically disclose it before the first kiss. Of course, hardly anybody does as it's generally seen as much less serious than genital herpes -- though that is a myth, the reality being that they are pretty much the same in terms of severity of consequences and contagiousness.
dunstable Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Practice safe sex for a little while, until you know you will actually be together. Cali, 50% of young Americans and 80% of middle-aged Americans have oral HSV1, which is easily spread by kissing. Safe kissing would mean using a dental dam. How many people do you know who do that? Moreover, using a condom for intercourse or oral/genital sex doesn't lower the risks of contracting herpes all that much - it's moderately effective in preventing male to female transmission because it's the penile skin that generally sheds the virus but it's almost ineffective in preventing female to male transmission because the virus is generally shed from areas outside the vagina.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Condoms don't stop herpes ... or so I've ben told by an MD. He said that that herpes is so small that a condom is like a chain link fence to a fly. Just doesn't stop the transfer. I know that's not the real issue here. I dated a girl and after dinner, she said something like, "just a hug OK, I had a cold sore recently and I'm not sure if I'm really clear yet." I asked if that was her way of telling me she had herpes and she said yes. I appreciated her for letting me know ... but I didn't date her ... because of it. I don't think that's judgemental ... I would just like to avoid herpes if possible.
Star Gazer Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 the H Is there a reason you're describing it in a way people do with a particular terminal STD?
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I have to say that PG's boyfriend had an usual reaction. It sounds like he had something to own up to as well ... but didn't say anything until she did. I think that PG was honest for telling the truth. But if she waited, like she did, until the shirts were off, I don't think that counts as some kind of four star honesty ... maybe just a star or two. PG, I think it would be real honest to let it out before the petting begins. Most people swap a little spit by the time the tops come off. Why not just tell the truth earlier ... for the sake of those who don't have it yet. Even if they seem, to you, to be less informed, they deserve to know and make their own choice.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I dated a girl and after dinner, she said something like, "just a hug OK, I had a cold sore recently and I'm not sure if I'm really clear yet." People with oral HSV1 (cold sores) shed the virus and are contagious on roughly 5% to 10% of days when they are clear of sores. That -- and the fact it is normally spread with just a kiss -- is why 80-90% of the population will get HSV1 before they die. It is such a hypocrisy that HSV2 is stigmatized while HSV1 is trivialized. Both are about the same in their consequences.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Well....it doesn't go away so....hmmm. It doesn't go away but for people with a healthy immune system the recurrences and their severity get less with time. This applies to HSV1 and HSV2. I have genital HSV1 and have had only one outbreak -- a single small painless sore 16 years ago. Do you know you don't already have HSV1 or HSV2? Many people are symptomless.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 PG, I think it would be real honest to let it out before the petting begins. Most people swap a little spit by the time the tops come off. She isn't going to transfer her genital HSV2 with "a little spit" as you put it. Her man friend on the other hand, who has oral HSV1, could have infected her if she didn't already have the cross-immunity provided by HSV2. He engaged in kissing without telling her of his oral HSV1 -- he wasn't to know at that time she was immune. He is actually the greater danger at the kissing stage of a new relationship. Why do people moralize over HSV2 and trivialize HSV1?
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I've gone on date after date with shallow losers, so if I was dating a guy that I really liked a lot and he told me he had herpes, I wouldn't throw him away. If people confess they had a cold sore once, few people would throw them away. Yet genital herpes has such a huge stigma. It's crazy because there is really very little difference.
dunstable Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Condoms don't stop herpes ... or so I've ben told by an MD. He said that that herpes is so small that a condom is like a chain link fence to a fly. Just doesn't stop the transfer. That's not entirely correct. Condoms are moderately effective in preventing male to female transfer but of little use in preventing female to male transfer. It's because the condom covers the part of a man that's likely to be shedding the virus but not the part of a woman that's likely to be shedding. See the papers by Wald in the medical journals.
StayinFree Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 That's not entirely correct. Condoms are moderately effective in preventing male to female transfer but of little use in preventing female to male transfer. It's because the condom covers the part of a man that's likely to be shedding the virus but not the part of a woman that's likely to be shedding. See the papers by Wald in the medical journals. I think you might be right. It didn't take a lot of research to find out that the small virus getting through a latex membrane might be over-stated. But I'll still avoid (knowingly) risking sex with herpes. Most of the girls where I live come from Replican families. Confessing to them that I'm a Democrat and have herpes too ... I'll never get laid. So I'll hold off from herpes as long as possible.
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