dreamergrl Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I don't think PG did anything wrong. She's been handling everything in a very mature manner. She's had four dates with the guy, she had the talk with him, and they had some sexual contact. It's not as if she gave it up the day she met him. Personally, I think if he was just looking for sex, he would have looked else where for it. This is not meant to come off in a bad way at all, but if he was looking for just sex, don't you think he'd have went to find it with someone who isn't caring a STD? Why risk himself for someone he has no intention on dating seriously?
northstar1 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Why did you think that you knew this guy so well enough to give him a blow job? That is the same as having sex, it is even more intimate. He is not going to have respect for you because you feel like you have to pleasure him in order to keep interest, and he doesn't have to do much for you to do that and cater to him. I would think about this. Don't give it away, like I said. It won't work. What does this have to do with the topic at hand? Save your conservative judgements for a different thread.
Cherished Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 What does this have to do with the topic at hand? Save your conservative judgements for a different thread. It actually really does have to do with the topic at hand. Wait for a relationships before you are handing over blow jobs to guys! Or don't whine later when they don't call, because this will inevitably happen.
northstar1 Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 It actually really does have to do with the topic at hand. Wait for a relationships before you are handing over blow jobs to guys! Or don't whine later when they don't call, because this will inevitably happen. Read the thread, he has been contacting her since they were intimate.
calizaggy Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 This guy sounds pretty desperate.. I certainly would not risk getting herpes when there are plenty of single women whom do not have herpes. Imagine how he would feel if you break up with him after giving him herpes.. He then would have to tell every woman he has herpes, and women would nto be so understanding in most cases.
Prolix Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 He'll receive a blowjob but not sleep over? That seems quite backwards to me.
calizaggy Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Herpes seems to be a strange disease. Why? Well it seems every single person on Earth who has it contracted it from a cheating partner. It seems to be the disease or innocent people whom were cheated on. Funny how people know EXACTLY when they acquired it and from whom , even though they often say it can be dormant for many many years. I guess only people sleeping with their first get this disease as well. But if you break up with this guy I am sure he will be honest and say "This girl told me she has herpes, and i did not care and knowingly contracted it, then we broke up. So now I have it. Want to have sex? " Also interesting timing... Get him really horny, and maybe he is so horny that he is dumb enough not to care or think straight. Then have sex immediately.. But it seems you admitted toi having sex before the talk anway. A strange "typo" to make. And trust me. If he did not sleep over he just wanted sex.
Author pandagirl Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Yeesh! Such hatred! I guess people have the right to their own opinion. This kind of behavior reminds me of homophobia. Anyone who has such a strong reaction to something that has nothing to do with them is a sign of some deeper issue at hand. Me? I'm comfortable with having herpes, being honest and doing what's right. the end.
calizaggy Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 One more thing, there was a lot of unprotected contact. In the back of my head, I told myself this wasn't really safe and that I should stop it, but we both got carried away. I woke up this morning feeling a bit bad about it, but at the same time, I told him about all the risks prior. Am I in the wrong? Or is he an adult who can make his own risky decisions? Nahh. Why stop? Give him some herpes! Maybe then he has to stay with you. The guy sounds crazy. He doesnt know you well enough to sleep over, yet knows you well enough to contract herpes and have unprotected sexual contact with you? Sounds like a keeper. Doing what's right is having unprotected sex with guys after a few dates? It is all ok because you told him? Not sure I would call that "doing what's right" Did you see his STD tests? I mean are you sure you got it from a "cheating partner"? You seem pretty willing to engage in unprotected sex with relative strangers. Is that new?
Author pandagirl Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Nahh. Why stop? Give him some herpes! Maybe then he has to stay with you. The guy sounds crazy. He doesnt know you well enough to sleep over, yet knows you well enough to contract herpes and have unprotected sexual contact with you? Sounds like a keeper. Doing what's right is having unprotected sex with guys after a few dates? It is all ok because you told him? Not sure I would call that "doing what's right" Did you see his STD tests? I mean are you sure you got it from a "cheating partner"? You seem pretty willing to engage in unprotected sex with relative strangers. Is that new? Why are you so worked up over this?
dunstable Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Calizaggy, stop moralizing. Everyone knows about safe sex. This thread is more about living with herpes and especially how having herpes is not the end of the world.
calizaggy Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I just do not see the reason for all of the praise. I think you went about this the wrong way. A. It should come up well before the act of sex is about to occur. That way BOTH parties can make a well thought out decision. Perhaps on the phone, or before you even date. Not 1 minute before sex after you are half naked. A horrible position to put someone in, as perhaps he didnt want to crush your feelings and hurt you, or maybe he was just really horny and not thinking straight.. Of course this would take an unselfish person. Perhaps this guy has little self control in the moment, but if he had time to sleep on it he would have not taken the risk with a woman he does not even know well enough to sleep in bed with. B. Can you really respect a man that is willing to knowingly get herpes just for some sex with a strange girl he does not know well? If it were you in this situation, would you knowingly not mind contracting herpes and say "its no big deal" It seems he has a low self worth. I believe in right and wrong. And I feel this is wrong. Having herpes obviously greatly affecxted your confidence and made you quite insecure and worrried. Why would you want to give that to someone else? Perhaps misery really does love company.
Cherished Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Read the thread, he has been contacting her since they were intimate. Yah, what I meant was...let's see if he still is in a month. I will put money on 'no.'
Author pandagirl Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Just, FYI... this guy went out of town this weekend, so I didn't see him. But I received a package in the mail from him today: he bought me something on his trip and sent it to me. How cute it that?
Cherished Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Yah he got a blowjob with no effort required. Sure he's going to be caught up in the novelty...for a short while.
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Just, FYI... this guy went out of town this weekend, so I didn't see him. But I received a package in the mail from him today: he bought me something on his trip and sent it to me. How cute it that? That's awesome! I think he's very smitten.
Author pandagirl Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Yah he got a blowjob with no effort required. Sure he's going to be caught up in the novelty...for a short while. Uh, there was quite a lot of "effort" on this part. Why are you so angry, Cherished?
boldjack Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 PG, some people can't stand for others to be happy. I think that this guy has been a pretty straight arrow to you, and seems to feel that you are way more than just a evening's entertainment. Have you opened your present yet?
dunstable Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 It should come up well before the act of sex is about to occur. That way BOTH parties can make a well thought out decision. Perhaps on the phone, or before you even date. Not 1 minute before sex after you are half naked. That's a valid point, IMO. However, the risk was very small. They only had oral sex. I understand he has oral HSV1 and she has genital HSV2. So he could have caught oral HSV2, but oral HSV2 is very rare and his oral HSV1 would have given him some cross-immunity. Even if they had had unprotected intercourse, the risk would have been low -- I have seen a figure of 1.5 per 10,000 sex acts for female to male transmission in unprotected intercourse (Wald et al., JAMA, 2001). For oral sex, the risk would have been far lower than this. Interestingly, the Wald paper shows that condoms are not very effective in preventing female-to-male transmission of HSV2 though highly effective in preventing male-to-female transmission.
Cherished Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Uh, there was quite a lot of "effort" on this part. Why are you so angry, Cherished? Not really, 4 dates? Not angry at all.
northstar1 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Not really, 4 dates? Not angry at all. Maybe not angry ,but definitely bitter about something.
Author pandagirl Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Maybe not angry ,but definitely bitter about something. haha. Our four dates = about one month. I think that is an appropriate amount of time for two consenting adults to become intimate if things feel right.
northstar1 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 haha. Our four dates = about one month. I think that is an appropriate amount of time for two consenting adults to become intimate if things feel right. Ofcourse it is, and it's really no one's business anyways. Some people just have to rain on other's parades.
torranceshipman Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Really bitter...that's what I was thinking. Intimacy on date 4 between two grown adults is perfectly acceptable, Cherished, if that's what the two people are comfortable doing. It's like you're unhappy that this story is working out well! Quite being mean!!
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 haha. Our four dates = about one month. I think that is an appropriate amount of time for two consenting adults to become intimate if things feel right. I think 2-3 is appropriate, if it's all jiving. Cherish - you're acting like she had unprotected anal on the first date and THEN told him she had H. She is is a dating relationship, has been up front about her medical state, and that's that. And Cali - you need to relax as well. I'm in the same camp as you, in that I wouldn't date someone who had H, but that doesn't mean that Pandagirl, being honest and up front BEFORE intimacy, is not entitled to find love, nor is she trying to trap someone. I wonder if the haters are just not getting ANY, and hence the nastiness. lol
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