pandagirl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 So, I told him tonight. It was our fourth date. It was time to do it. I would like the preface this by saying I did NOT do this in the manner I wanted to, but the end result is that I DID tell him, so that's what matters. Got dinner, had a nice time as always. Went back to my place, watched TV, cuddling... in the back of my mind I was: "OK, time to man up before we start making out!" But then as hormones tend to do, we started kissing and our shirts came off (oops). I didn't want this scenario to happen! But I stopped before it got too hot and heavy and said: "OK, I have to tell you something. But I'm going to put on my shirt first!" haha. I basically told him how I was in a bad relationship with a cheater seven years ago, and he gave me herpes. Then I said, I don't know how you feel about that, but you can take your time to think about it, but if you don't want to see me anymore, I would understand, too. Your decision doesn't take anything away from either one of us. Basically, he was so nonchalant about it, that it caught me a little off guard. He said he knew it was common and also said that a lot of people probably have it, but they don't know. (this is correct!) Then he said, "I think I actually have herpes on my mouth, because I used to get coldsores when I was a kid." I gave him some facts about it: how 1 in 4 woman have it, and 1 in 5 in men do, the difference between HSV 1 and 2. Also told him I hadn't had an outbreak in five years. He WAS misinformed about not being to catch it if someone didn't have an outbreak. So I corrected that and told him we could cut on the risk to 1% with the proper precautions, but it wasn't foolproof. He was totally nonplussed by the slight risk. So, after all that was said and done, I said again: 'Do you need time to think about this, that's totally fine if you do.' And he said, 'What did you expect me to do? Leave? I'm not going to do that!' And he thanked me for telling him and being honest. Then we talk a bit more...and uh, did other stuff. I feel really fortunate that both guys I've told have been so understanding. So the moral of the story is: herpes is not the end of the world and honesty is the best policy!
boldjack Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 PG, this is great news, and I'm not really surprised by his reaction. Most people today are way better informed about HSV than they were when I became involved with it( You know my story). So what do you think? Is this guy a "keeper", or what? Keep me posted, or PM me, whenever you like. Now, take your shirt back off ( I just like the thought of talking to a topless woman):laugh:
Citizen Erased Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 That is not an easy thing to reveal to anyone, let alone when it was just your fourth date! Impressive panda, you're a very strong woman.
boogieboy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Well at least if you two stay together, thats 2 less people that wont give it to anyone else.........
Lyssa Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Gee... some people Bravo, Panda! I've been following your threads and I'm happy you told him!
Lindarose84 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 pandagirl, i too have been following your posts and i'm glad to hear things are working out for you. while i hope i never fall prey to the disease, it's good to know that life can go on if one happens to get it. p.s. as i said before, it takes guts to be able to deal with what you have to deal with and you are one strong woman to be so upfront and honest about it all to your partners- i'm sure "the talk" never gets easy no matter how many times you do it. kudos to you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Awesome, Panda! How cool of him. I actually went "Awwwww..." out loud. LOL
lab_brat Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Good for you! It can't be easy to have that talk with someone you really like, but you kicked butt! Good on you for being honest, theres so many jackasses out there that don't bother. Congrats, and have fun with shirtless pandaboy
OpenBook Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I salute you, pandagirl! You're a stand-up person.
Sam Spade Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You should just give him the herpes asap, so then you can do nastey times with no worries :). Catching any dissease sucks, especially the incurable ones, but even if I got herpes, I wouldn't care too much - it is so darn common, almost seems like too much effort to even think much about it beyond the basic prevention things that could be done.
boldjack Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Easy there, Sam. It's not a 'MERIT BADGE", you know. ............PG, you are now officially in the lead for poster girl as "Stand-up woman of the year"!! You are just too, too cool!!!
amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You're very brave Panda. I think you are right that honesty is the best policy. If you want respect you give respect and you did just that. Good luck with your new relationship.
dreamergrl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 That is so awesome!!! I'm so happy for you PG! I'm glad that it went over well. I wish you both the best! I think it's great that there are people out there that are more informed about these things, and are able to look at it with an open mind, instead of being naive or stereotypical about it.
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks everyone! Yeah, this guy is super sweet and nice. Who knows what will happen, but now that I told him about H, I feel much more relaxed. Now I know if things don't work out, it won't be because of herpes, it'll be because of me...hey -- wait a second! haha.
Jilly Bean Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yay!!!!!!:bunny: See? I knew the casual, matter-of-fact, no-apologetic approach would work well! Now you can exhale, and enjoy the relationship. Well done, PG.
Lostgurl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 That is not an easy thing to reveal to anyone, let alone when it was just your fourth date! Impressive panda, you're a very strong woman. Diddo! Thanks for sharing Panda, It gives me a little hope. Do you live in a city or town, if you don't mind me asking?
Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 That's awesome news, PG! I'm also glad to see some who claim they'd run the other way - like JB - have a change of heart, and be happy for you.
boldjack Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 SG. Change of heart? When was I EVER unsupportive of the OP?
dreamergrl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 SG. Change of heart? When was I EVER unsupportive of the OP? I don't think SG was talking about you.
Chocolat Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Great news, Panda. That's awesome news, PG! I'm also glad to see some who claim they'd run the other way - like JB - have a change of heart, and be happy for you. SG. Change of heart? When was I EVER unsupportive of the OP? Um, I think you'd be BJ, not JB.
Author pandagirl Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Two thing happened before The Talk, that I was a little surprised by: 1. This guy orgasms VERY, VERY LOUDLY. Like, to the point that I was taken aback. Most guys I've been with barely make a sound or very little noise. This guy was yelling, grunting, moaning, convulsing -- I mean, he was really putting on a show. I didn't know when he was going to stop! I didn't know a guy could even come like that. 2. He is very cuddly and affectionate, but as we were laying in bed and it was getting late, I was tired so I asked him if he was going to sleepover. And he was like, "No, I'm going to go." I was a bit off out, but not a lot, and he said: "honestly, sleeping over is something that occurs for me at a later stage of dating." Fair enough. But I feel like a 33-year-old man who says this has some emotional intimacy issues??? I don't see the big deal in sleeping over.
OpenBook Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Two thing happened before The Talk, that I was a little surprised by: 1. This guy orgasms VERY, VERY LOUDLY. I thought you guys didn't have sex before The Talk.
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