Juno Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 ...atleast this is what's been running through my mind constantly since I last had contact with my ex. Knowing it is not only possible, but probable. How can I free myself from these obsessive visions? Yeah yeah I know the drill....nc, move on because he has. These are exercises to cope and get over the lost, but is there anything else to help deal with the inevitable... the anguish knowing your ex will be and in fact is intimate with another?
fastnfurious Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 It certainly isn't an easy image to rid yourself of. Trust me, 4 months down the line, I have considered myself over my ex but the thought that she is running around doing god knows what the OM, still terrorises me. What do I do when I get such an image? Remind myself that I am better off without such an ignorant person in my life and that I'm better off without them.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah those mental movies are killer, but why do you care, he's an ex. you arent past it??? move on.
Author Juno Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah those mental movies are killer, but why do you care, he's an ex. you arent past it??? move on. He's an ex because one of us wants more than the other can deliver. We debate on the direction of this, but have acknowledged the sexual chemistry is still present. We are ex's out of necessity, meaning he would like to hang out and romp, but nothing more. Feelings fluctuate from hot to cold making anything between us impossible. I gave up on the notion of a happy ever after with him, now I just have to get past/over the chemistry. I hope and pray his chemistry with anyone else SUXS!
t0ri Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I know how you feel, I'm sorry And really the only thing that kinda helps is to just focus on YOURSELF. Who might YOU have chemistry with? Who might YOU date next? Try not to worry about him, and focus more on you. Honestly, what I do when I think about my ex with his new girl is tell myself that I got the better part of the deal. She can deal with all of his horrible attributes and I'm on to better things. I'm not over my ex, so I know it hurts to think about them with someone else, but thinking those things helps a tiny bit. Who cares about his chemistry with someone else. YOU will find great chemistry with someone else, don't doubt that.
boogieboy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You COULD stop looking at the cock pics hes been sending you. Have you stopped answering his texts yet?
Author Juno Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 You COULD stop looking at the cock pics hes been sending you. Have you stopped answering his texts yet? Thank you for bringing THAT back up. I have deleted all of his text messages including the infamous "package" pics. The count down has restarted and it's been 3 days of nc and I do not plan on answering him again. Anything else you would like to add that may be helpful wise a**. JK Your comment is appreciated.
boogieboy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 HAHAHAH! good girl. It sucks when you have to avoid people, but it sucks worse that you never know how people really are until you break up with them. But youre on your way now. Andyou can probably work to permanently undo the desire to picture him with his girl with a lil time. Then you can go back to that guy that really likes you in a few weeks.
hoping2heal Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 He's an ex because one of us wants more than the other can deliver. We debate on the direction of this, but have acknowledged the sexual chemistry is still present. We are ex's out of necessity, meaning he would like to hang out and romp, but nothing more. Feelings fluctuate from hot to cold making anything between us impossible. I gave up on the notion of a happy ever after with him, now I just have to get past/over the chemistry. I hope and pray his chemistry with anyone else SUXS! Alright well, look on the positive side. You lost a shallow ego maniac. You lost someone who was selfish, self serving and could never love you in a way you'd want to begin with. Loving someone is about an ability we have within us to love another person, it is not about the other person being worthy or unworthy of love. So, you didn't lose much if it's any consellation.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Well what can I say juno. he doesnt want to settle down. You cant force him to, he is too immature at this stage of his life for a serious relationship. There are alot of other men out there that you can be sexually compatible with. My advice is to focus on what you want outta your own future. I know it hurts... it does suck but there are other men out there, dont make sense breaking your neck for one that wont slow down for you. How old are you?? juno? how old is the ex?
Author Juno Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Well what can I say juno. he doesnt want to settle down. You cant force him to, he is too immature at this stage of his life for a serious relationship. There are alot of other men out there that you can be sexually compatible with. My advice is to focus on what you want outta your own future. I know it hurts... it does suck but there are other men out there, dont make sense breaking your neck for one that wont slow down for you. How old are you?? juno? how old is the ex? He's 42 and I am NOT 42. I know I will one day find another that will tickle my soul, warm my heart and connect well with me physically. I just want this one I have already found and I'm having a hard time understanding why I can't be with him. One day I will see things clearly, but at the moment I only see something I want more than anything else in the world, but it is out of my reach.
Author Juno Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 ...can't sleep, won't sleep...still thinking about them in bed together cuddling, spooning, caressing, laughing. Need sleep...maybe tomorrow will be the day I won't give a damn anymore. I can only hope.
crew Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 hey!! i know exactly how you are feeling. I too am awake at 3 am in the morning thinking about my ex.. it hurts and i find it hard to think that i will ever find someone else that i can love as much as him. I mean, i know i will, but how long will it takeeee.
Exit Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You are just torturing yourself. You're treating yourself worse than he ever treated you. I miss my ex too but I certainly don't spend my nights imagining her sleeping with someone. Have you tried exercise? Great way to release some stress and it will help you get to sleep. Or take a long walk, a shower, anything to relax you before bed.
Cora Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I used to be like this a lot after he first left me. I constantly pictured him with the other girl doing god knows what! But I was torturing myself constantly and it had to stop! I too deleted all the.....well you know the type of pics I'm talking about. I also deleted all messages, texts, voicemails.....everything he ever sent me. I told him this too once he came back after three months of NC. He sounded hurt that I had done this but what did he expect me to do? Maybe hold on to him forever? Pining away in misery while he is having the time of his life? Wishing, hoping and praying that someday maybe just maybe he would come back to me? I don't think so and it gave me such great pleasure to tell him I had deleted everything. I'm still working on permanently deleting all of the images of him from my mind but I am getting better! But yeah, you gotta stop or else it will just eat away at you and drive you completely insane!!!
CaliGuy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 ...atleast this is what's been running through my mind constantly since I last had contact with my ex. Knowing it is not only possible, but probable. How can I free myself from these obsessive visions? Yeah yeah I know the drill....nc, move on because he has. These are exercises to cope and get over the lost, but is there anything else to help deal with the inevitable... the anguish knowing your ex will be and in fact is intimate with another? At some point in your life you will become indifferent. All my exs are boinking someone new (or old). Big deal?! I have the satisfaction of knowing none are entirely happy with their choice (hence the reason they contact me occasionally) and that when I meet Ms Right, the LAST thing I'll think about (and to a point I don't think about them much at all) is someone who took me for granted and walked away. What am I missing, really?! Being unappreciated and unloved?! NOT!
t0ri Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 At some point in your life you will become indifferent. All my exs are boinking someone new (or old). Big deal?! I have the satisfaction of knowing none are entirely happy with their choice (hence the reason they contact me occasionally) and that when I meet Ms Right, the LAST thing I'll think about (and to a point I don't think about them much at all) is someone who took me for granted and walked away. What am I missing, really?! Being unappreciated and unloved?! NOT! Wow, good point. I need to keep reminding myself of that. As do a lot of people here!
Author Juno Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 ...I am determined to move on and forget about him no matter what. Tonight I took the brave and bold steps of blocking him from calling and texting my cell. By doing this I have also blocked myself from doing the same, minimizing the chance of a slip up during a moment of weakness. I also diverted his multiple email accounts to a folder so I will never see them in my inbox. Whew! Now I need to work on the visions in my head that's keeping me up until the wee hours of the morning. Sorry, just can't help thinking about the naughty and not so naughty things he's doing with someone else. Luckly tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend and I can lose those images in a haze after a few jagermeisters. Lastly I would like to say, that love is a fickled thing. So often I have heard why would you love someone who can not love you the way you deserve in return? I pondered this at lenght today and realize for me, it was the love I offered unconditionally which was not accepted that hurt much more than what was lacking in return. I guess what I'm saying is, when I give I don't expect the exact same thing back. Just embrace the gift.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Juno, your early 40's there's gonna be no shortage of men knocking your door down to get at you! Dont dwell on a guy who cant give you want you need right now, clearly he isnt ready. Your gonna be fine. stay NC, keep your sanity.
Author Juno Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 Juno, your early 40's there's gonna be no shortage of men knocking your door down to get at you! Dont dwell on a guy who cant give you want you need right now, clearly he isnt ready. Your gonna be fine. stay NC, keep your sanity. Chrome Barracuda thanks for the encouraging words. I really needed to hear it as today I'm so sad. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( Ha! Not looking forward to the initial meet & greet, then screening of all of these men that will be "knocking down my door". Sounds exhausting. BTW...not early 40's.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you still look good, they wont care!!! llmao. Younger guys too! You might be a cougar now. Cheer up.
Author Juno Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 If you still look good, they wont care!!! llmao. Younger guys too! You might be a cougar now. Cheer up. Cougar...wth? Geez. You just keep making me older than I am. My youth is masked by my intelligence. Thanks for the "pick me up". Hugs
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Anytime baby! And it's good that you still feel young, that'll go a long way into living your life!!! have fun with it.
Mike B. Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ...atleast this is what's been running through my mind constantly since I last had contact with my ex. Knowing it is not only possible, but probable. How can I free myself from these obsessive visions? Yeah yeah I know the drill....nc, move on because he has. These are exercises to cope and get over the lost, but is there anything else to help deal with the inevitable... the anguish knowing your ex will be and in fact is intimate with another? We all want to know or find something for this. We figure there has got to be something else. Most people here will tell you to go "no contact." Others will tell you to just occupy yourself and try to get your mind off of it. This is all or what most people will tell you and we get tired of hearing it. But Billions and Billions of people since the birth of mankind have been falling in love and getting our hearts broke. Not only once but sometimes many times. Out of all those times, we realized that there is no cure. For some reason, someone thought that this would be a pain that must be felt and provided no herbal supplement, liquid, pill or magic phrase to make it disappear. The good new is that over the years we have found out what works best and what seem to work best is no contact and time. Unfortunately, there simply is nothing else. The good new is that no contact works well. It is not ideal. An ideal solution would take away the pain and obsessive thoughts immediately but it is all we have out there besides time and it works well.
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