OldEurope Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 My biased opinion is that the OP is a female. It's funny how we make these judgments unconsciously, unfairly, and based on very little evidence. I'm embarrassed to admit the above led me to believe it was female. I don't generally see women this way. It's just that I don't generally see men talking about "feeling safe" and "making sure they have the things they need". OP - I am guessing the one you are "in love" with is the new relationship, butterflies and all. Didn't you feel that with the one you "love" when that relationship was new? The best advice I can give you is to go NC with both until your mind clears. It is difficult to live in this type of situation and really not fair to all three of you. The only other feasible option is to choose one. I hope you make the right choice. It's hard to go back once your choice is made. This first point one has to keep in mind, always, when "something new" happens along.... Secondly, what you say here is probably the best advice... Now, y'all stop squabbling... OE
GreenX Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Until more details are given it's pretty hard to give advice on the situation. Gender aside, what I have gotten out of the first post is that OP has been committed in a 5 year relationship with someone who 'he/she' loves; is content with. 3 months ago OP has fallen in love with another but doesn't want to end it with 'his/her' main partner because they have comfort/support, etc.. The person who 'he/she' has been with for 3 months knows of the 5 year partner but not the other way around. So, the 3 month partner condones this type of behavior and we've yet to see if the 5 year partner does. Basically, the 5 year partner needs to know. You need to all be on the same page in order to figure out a solution. What's done is done, time to fix the mess you're now in. Also, by the sounds of your post I am getting that the 5 year partner and 3 month partner are friends? You stated you can't have one without the other? .. I don't know, original post was somewhat confusing. Again, more details are definitely needed to be able to advise further.
hopesndreams Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 The poster is a guy. How do I know this? I have no friggin clue! 50% chance I'm right though.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 The poster is a guy. How do I know this? I have no friggin clue! 50% chance I'm right though. see? we are all totally riddled with gender bias. i love this thread, although i recognize that i have been utterly useless to poor scared here in terms of practical advice on his/her situation. i'm terribly sorry for that. i can't resist gender chaos when i see it.
delirious Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 see? we are all totally riddled with gender bias. i love this thread, although i recognize that i have been utterly useless to poor scared here in terms of practical advice on his/her situation. i'm terribly sorry for that. i can't resist gender chaos when i see it. Looks like you 'scared' scared away. Come on Scared we are not all CBs. You can tell that CB likes to scare people with his statements hence that awful picture
torranceshipman Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you love these women, then you can damn well respect them by stopping the lies. Life is full of hard choices, and it is important to act with integrity and sometimes take the hard road because it is the RIGHT thing and the RESPECTFUL thing to do. Right now you are taking the easy, bad path and really hurting two lovely people, just so you can get your needs met. Make the hard choice that needs to be done, and live with it, even if it hurts. Unfortunately you made this mess happen so it is your responsibility to stop it. We all make mistakes but the key is to try to turn those situations around in the best way and you can do that. Let one of these women go so they can be with a man that will be truly faithful and respectful to them.
fooled once Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The OP is totally a female. How can you not see it dobler? and instead of addressing the OP, why do you usually seem to strike out at the other posters who respond INSTEAD of addressing the OP's situation?
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The OP is totally a female. How can you not see it dobler? and instead of addressing the OP, why do you usually seem to strike out at the other posters who respond INSTEAD of addressing the OP's situation? lol. i think you'll find if you read my posts that i usually respond directly to the thread starter. there are a couple of instances where i've challenged or questioned the other posters, but it's by no means the norm. this was a particularly interesting example of a bunch of people jumping to conclusions based on their own experiences and biases, which is something i see a lot of here in terms of people judging others because of their own injuries. so i thought it would be an interesting thing to explore, and i think it has proven to be just that.
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