scaredandlost Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 What do you do when you have someone on the side. What do you do when you love one and is in love with the other. My story for now will be brief because I just wanted to get somethings off my chest and who else better to talk to than strangers. I have been committed for over 5 years. Then things began to go wrong and I got lost. I am scared now because how do you love two people and how do you choose. They share so much of the same characteristics but one I cannot see myself without and the other allows me to be with with the one I cannot live without. I find myself losing all inhibitions when I am with the one i am in love with. And the other I know everything about and do not want to lose. They both say they love me and I say I love them. I have been with one for over 5 years and the other for only three months. One make me feel safe and the other make sure I have the things I need. My life has gotten complicated over these few months. I am so scared to hurt the one I am in love with and then I dread losing the one I cannot see myself without. I always knew what I wanted and now one have the things I need and the other have the things I want. It continues to get complicated because the one I am in love with is familiar with the one I cannot see myself without but the one I cannot see myself without is unaware of any of this. I know whats done in the light always comes out but I do not know what to do. I lose all self control and find myself in situations with the one I am in love with knowing there may be something wrong with the picture. I wanna see fault in the one i am in love with because I know so little about the individual but sometimes those faults seem real. For now this is just an outline but any opinions please just looking for some guidance. I will post full story later.
bentnotbroken Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 HUH:eek: If they are good enough to have on the side, seems they should be good enough to have in public.. And I think you mean what is done in the dark will come to the light, usually with gusto.
Mino Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I think you need to stop looking at them to find fault, but take a look in the mirror . YOU are selfish. You want both, but are willing to give only half of yourself to each. Is that fair? Is that loving them? IMHO, you need to maybe find some love within yourself. What your looking for is INSIDE yourself. Go find it. If you keep this up, the handwriting is on the wall, you WILL loose BOTH! Make a choice, its either your husband or your lover, Good luck,
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Make a choice and deal with it. Life is too short to play games with people's emotions. The same things this guy whoever is on the side is not the same as the man your currently with. But it's your life, make a choice you can live with. I'm tired of seeing some weak azz females make decisions make stupid choices to begin with.
joyz Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 For now this is just an outline but any opinions please just looking for some guidance. I will post full story later. if u were by urself, aboard a plane thats about to crash and u know you're not going to make it. who do u dial? that would be the one i would choose, that is if there are no children involved...
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Make a choice and deal with it. Life is too short to play games with people's emotions. The same things this guy whoever is on the side is not the same as the man your currently with. But it's your life, make a choice you can live with. I'm tired of seeing some weak azz females make decisions make stupid choices to begin with. wow, barracuda. i keep seeing this incredible hatred of women in your posts. scared made absolutely no mention of the gender either of him/herself or the other two people involved, and the gender in scared's profile is "rather not say". and yet you have immediately assumed that this is a "weak azz female". watch out, barracuda, your chauvanism is showing. wowza.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 wow, barracuda. i keep seeing this incredible hatred of women in your posts. scared made absolutely no mention of the gender either of him/herself or the other two people involved, and the gender in scared's profile is "rather not say". and yet you have immediately assumed that this is a "weak azz female". watch out, barracuda, your chauvanism is showing. wowza. Hatred of females??? WTF?? I dont hate females. I really love them, just tired of the stupid choices they keep making on this board constantly. I mean damn, I bet you dollars to doughnuts it's the same thing, she has a boyfriend she's married, she meets someone else, her feelings get involved, then she is confused. But I'm more pissed off more than anything because I figure the man who she's been with the longest deserves some loyalty, I mean damn how many times can a woman just get into something than emotionally throw it away. I aint chauvinistic. I'm just telling the truth. Whatever. take it how you want it.
White Flower Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 wow, barracuda. i keep seeing this incredible hatred of women in your posts. scared made absolutely no mention of the gender either of him/herself or the other two people involved, and the gender in scared's profile is "rather not say". and yet you have immediately assumed that this is a "weak azz female". watch out, barracuda, your chauvanism is showing. wowza. Most of us find that while Chrome is only trying to help he difinetely doesn't win them over with charisma! Love ya Chrome but the chauvanism makes it so hard to take you seriously. I noticed as well the OP didn't state his/her gender. Perhaps it is a MM who fears getting bashed as they so often do? Heck, there are plenty of MM who 'feel secure with the one they know best'. In fact, that is the main reason they rarely leave. The line, "I wanna see fault in the one i am in love with because I know so little about the individual but sometimes those faults seem real." bothers me. I mean, you LOVE this person. How do you not know someone you love? You love their eyes, their touch, their humor maybe, but you do not love them unless you know them.
White Flower Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Hatred of females??? WTF?? I dont hate females. I really love them, just tired of the stupid choices they keep making on this board constantly. I mean damn, I bet you dollars to doughnuts it's the same thing, she has a boyfriend she's married, she meets someone else, her feelings get involved, then she is confused. But I'm more pissed off more than anything because I figure the man who she's been with the longest deserves some loyalty, I mean damn how many times can a woman just get into something than emotionally throw it away. I aint chauvinistic. I'm just telling the truth. Whatever. take it how you want it. Yet how many MM do you see doing exactly the same thing? They seem to have a hard time making decisions yet we don't see you calling all men wishy-washy.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Hatred of females??? WTF?? I dont hate females. I really love them, just tired of the stupid choices they keep making on this board constantly. I mean damn, I bet you dollars to doughnuts it's the same thing, she has a boyfriend she's married, she meets someone else, her feelings get involved, then she is confused. But I'm more pissed off more than anything because I figure the man who she's been with the longest deserves some loyalty, I mean damn how many times can a woman just get into something than emotionally throw it away. I aint chauvinistic. I'm just telling the truth. and how is it that you know this is a woman, without a single reference to gender? can you just TELL? how is that the truth if there is absolutely not a single evidentiary article to point to? i can only assume that this quickness to evaluate is coming from personal experience, in which case your judgement is impaired and you might want to ask a few questions before jumping in with statements about "weak azz females" and the "stupid choices" you perceive them making. just sayin.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yet how many MM do you see doing exactly the same thing? They seem to have a hard time making decisions yet we don't see you calling all men wishy-washy. Dont get it twisted WF when stampdaddy came onto this board I gave him hell for doing what he was doing! I'm not gender specific, anybody can catch it. Man or woman. Doesnt matter who you are.
Woggle Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Sorry if this sounds sexist but I can tell just from reading it that the OP is a female. It's the same story over and over again with these women and men like Chrome and myself in the past who have been on the receiving end of their craziness are just out of sympathy for them.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 and how is it that you know this is a woman, without a single reference to gender? can you just TELL? how is that the truth if there is absolutely not a single evidentiary article to point to? i can only assume that this quickness to evaluate is coming from personal experience, in which case your judgement is impaired and you might want to ask a few questions before jumping in with statements about "weak azz females" and the "stupid choices" you perceive them making. just sayin. ...just wait for it! You'll see. and even if it isnt a female or the situation isnt the same, I can bet you anything there are gonna be the same similarities that exists in all these posts here. For that I am certain. I'll wait for the OP to come back and finish the story then I'll say what i gotta say. just saying! lol.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Dont get it twisted WF when stampdaddy came onto this board I gave him hell for doing what he was doing! I'm not gender specific, anybody can catch it. Man or woman. Doesnt matter who you are. and yet, and yet, and yet, you immediately assumed it was a woman. just take a minute to think about that, i implore you. you know, scared, i don't even want you to tell us your gender. your thread is exposing all kinds of assumptions we all make. for instance, i assumed you are a man because of the phrase "someone on the side", which sounds classically male to me. a totally unthinking leap that exposes some of my own biases. see, barracuda? we call all admit our assumptive acculturated bullsh*t if we just have a little humility.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Sorry if this sounds sexist but I can tell just from reading it that the OP is a female. It's the same story over and over again with these women and men like Chrome and myself in the past who have been on the receiving end of their craziness are just out of sympathy for them. EXACTLY!!! is it me or does not any other poster see it??? or are they blind or in denial?
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 and yet, and yet, and yet, you immediately assumed it was a woman. just take a minute to think about that, i implore you. you know, scared, i don't even want you to tell us your gender. your thread is exposing all kinds of assumptions we all make. for instance, i assumed you are a man because of the phrase "someone on the side", which sounds classically male to me. a totally unthinking leap that exposes some of my own biases. see, barracuda? we call all admit our assumptive acculturated bullsh*t if we just have a little humility. Like I said I'll wait for the OP to get back, onto other things, I aint on display here. lol.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 EXACTLY!!! is it me or does not any other poster see it??? or are they blind or in denial? Yet how many MM do you see doing exactly the same thing? They seem to have a hard time making decisions yet we don't see you calling all men wishy-washy. i think that you are in denial, barracuda, as evidenced by the very good point that WF brings up. we've seen men who are torn between the good and faithful wife and the new and exciting mistress. they express many of the same sentiments. those sentiments run across genders, as you point out when you say "even if it isnt a female or the situation isnt the same, I can bet you anything there are gonna be the same similarities that exists in all these posts here."
Woggle Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Not that it is right in any way but men for the most just mess around the side for thrills. Their wife does not want to have sex or they want variety so they stray. It's wrong but it is very different from women who fall in love with some slick player and all of a suddern find fault with everything their man does. The whole post just screams of a woman letting some player screw with her emotions.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Like I said I'll wait for the OP to get back, onto other things, I aint on display here. lol. no, you're not. scaredandlost, who has posted something very intimate and personal and vulnerable, is the one who is on display, which is why you might have a little care before making grand assumptions with not a shred of information other than your own unquestioned biases. and yes, on to other things. any updates, scared?
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Not that it is right in any way but men for the most just mess around the side for thrills. Their wife does not want to have sex or they want variety so they stray. It's wrong but it is very different from women who fall in love with some slick player and all of a suddern find fault with everything their man does. The whole post just screams of a woman letting some player screw with her emotions. i can, from my professional and personal experience, as well as from the brief time i've been reading and posting on LS, come up with at least 20 examples of the reverse of what you have described. all i'm saying is that you and barracuda are making some pretty intense assumptions here and might want to reflect on them a bit.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 LIKE I said Dobbler!!!! ANYONE CAN GET IT!!! I dont care what gender they are, why are you so focused on what I'm doing and why I am here. Even if it was a guy Id give him hell too. Go ask stampdaddy. lol.
dobler33 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Make a choice and deal with it. Life is too short to play games with people's emotions. The same things this guy whoever is on the side is not the same as the man your currently with. But it's your life, make a choice you can live with. I'm tired of seeing some weak azz females make decisions make stupid choices to begin with. Hatred of females??? WTF?? I dont hate females. I really love them, just tired of the stupid choices they keep making on this board constantly. I mean damn, I bet you dollars to doughnuts it's the same thing, she has a boyfriend she's married, she meets someone else, her feelings get involved, then she is confused. But I'm more pissed off more than anything because I figure the man who she's been with the longest deserves some loyalty, I mean damn how many times can a woman just get into something than emotionally throw it away. EXACTLY!!! is it me or does not any other poster see it??? or are they blind or in denial? this is why, my dear. just sleep on it, that's all. sweet dreams.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 this is why, my dear. just sleep on it, that's all. sweet dreams. Yes, sweet dreams to you too.
amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 EXACTLY!!! is it me or does not any other poster see it??? or are they blind or in denial? I see it. She's a total female. The part where the one I love gives me what I want and the other one gives me what I need is a dead giveaway. Besides it's lofty for a dude....just saying....
awkward Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Then things began to go wrong and I got lost. One make me feel safe and the other make sure I have the things I need. My biased opinion is that the OP is a female. It's funny how we make these judgments unconsciously, unfairly, and based on very little evidence. I'm embarrassed to admit the above led me to believe it was female. I don't generally see women this way. It's just that I don't generally see men talking about "feeling safe" and "making sure they have the things they need". OP - I am guessing the one you are "in love" with is the new relationship, butterflies and all. Didn't you feel that with the one you "love" when that relationship was new? The best advice I can give you is to go NC with both until your mind clears. It is difficult to live in this type of situation and really not fair to all three of you. The only other feasible option is to choose one. I hope you make the right choice. It's hard to go back once your choice is made.
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