Soul Bear Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I dont know what has happened today, I have had this overwhelming urge to break NC, i have controlled myself for 13 hours, but I snapped at 1am. I sent an email, and I got a reply. Clearly you don't understand how absolutely serious I am about this. It's too late SoulBear. I've long since moved on. I had no freedom in our relationship. None at all. "I" had pretty much ceased to exist. I had become a "we" (at your insistence, might I add). Look I'm sure you have learned an awful lot but after all I've been through I just have no desire whatsoever to give things another go. I changed plenty over the course of our relationship, you barely changed at all. It was so easy for me, leaving you this time. As simple as open the cage door and out I fly. I have felt incredible ever since, rediscovering my precious freedom. I know you've heard all this before but feel it necessary to reiterate it cos you clearly don't understand that because of this I could not have those kind of feelings for you again. If this all sounds like I'm being harsh, then again its cos I feel I have to be in order for you to get the message. And cos it's the god honest truth. I do not want to be with you. Accept and move on. It's all you can do here. It's over, we're done. I'm gone. I guess I needed that. Its a shame she has to be so ****ing nasty about it. And there was me thinking 'Im so strong with my NC'',,,,what a joke. Take what i say with a pinch of salt
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I think your being very selfish by contacting her. I have to state that. You can move on. YOU CAN! NC, let me give you a few suggestions. Delete anything and everything you have of her. Number, e-mail, all of it. Get rid of photos. Get friends lots of them and go out. Meet some new ladies just for fun and dance and sing! Your life is not over because someone is not in it. Your life can only get better by finding someone who loves you. You may have learned some things from this past relationship to help you have a BIGGER AND BETTER relationship in the future! Write a journal to express your thoughts. Start doing things you enjoy and keep doing them. Time is the best thing and getting out there meeting lots of pretty women. Doing HEALTHY things things that make you smile and laugh will be the best for overcoming anything which causes despair. hope that helps.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Lucky...why the **** did I do this.... What. an. idiot. A selfish idiot. It was selfish. Im sad, really really sad. I guess i can know that it really IS over.....
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 The NC was for you, not for her. So you can heal and move on, not wait her out and hope that she'll wake up and miss you, want you back. Sorry you're hurting..I don't think she meant to hurt you on purpose, but she was brutally HONEST which sadly, I think you needed to hear so you can let go and begin to really heal.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I think your being very selfish by contacting her. I have to state that. You can move on. YOU CAN! NC, let me give you a few suggestions. Delete anything and everything you have of her. Number, e-mail, all of it. Get rid of photos. Get friends lots of them and go out. Meet some new ladies just for fun and dance and sing! Your life is not over because someone is not in it. Your life can only get better by finding someone who loves you. You may have learned some things from this past relationship to help you have a BIGGER AND BETTER relationship in the future! Write a journal to express your thoughts. Start doing things you enjoy and keep doing them. Time is the best thing and getting out there meeting lots of pretty women. Doing HEALTHY things things that make you smile and laugh will be the best for overcoming anything which causes despair. hope that helps. Damn. I'm going to read this during my weak moments. Thank you!
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 everyone gets sad after breakups and not having it work out. But ask yourself this, why would you want to be with someone who can't or does not love you as much as you love them? You don't want that situation, no one does. Take my suggestions and you will be having fun and living life, you will look back at this moment when you were so sad and say "what the heck was i so sad about?" She was actually being polite in her message. As i read what she said, and she understood you and calmly let you know. Get some movies that make you laugh, not cry. It will distract you. I myself when through a horrible breakup and was depressed for a while, but i gradually started going out and writing about what happened to me. I got it all out and even though I have not met anyone that I want a relationship with right now, I still have hope and I am as happy as a clam! I now look back and say why DID I WASTE MY LIFE SULKING IN DESPAIR. I wish someone gave me the advise i gave you.......I had to learn all those things on my own by going through them and learning how to cope with it all. Your not an idiot YOU ARE HUMAN. You have emotions and you have hurt. Its completely normal, but you are alive and you have a wonderful life ahead of you as long as you cherish yourself. YOU NEED TO BE SELFISH now by caring about only YOURSELF, in time you will be able to say I can now open my heart to someone new.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I've had a weak couple of days and today I cracked and emailed her, too. I didn't tell her I loved and missed her, but apologized for all the bad I had done throughout the relationship. (Though she did a lot worse) I didn't tell her I wanted her back. I told her in the beginning of the email, though, that if she didn't want to hear from me to just delete it. So if she doesn't reply, that'll be my reply. I haven't gotten a reply since the last time I checked and I don't want to check now. I'm scared. This is scary. I thought I was strong, too, with my NC. Maybe we're both going to go through this, and you were just first. Think of it this way: the worst has happened. When you hit rock bottom there's nowhere to go but up. Allow yourself to. How long was your NC, though? And how long were you together?
NopeNah Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Wow!! and ouch!! Once again...move on man! she's been nothing but honest with you the whole way.. Unlike my ex who was still coming by 3 times a week for sex and giving false hopes of a reconciliation..move on already! How many times are you gonna put yourself back at square one?Honestly? My ex was texting today..did she get a response? NO!! she doesent deserve it!!
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Your not an idiot YOU ARE HUMAN. You have emotions and you have hurt. Its completely normal, but you are alive and you have a wonderful life ahead of you as long as you cherish yourself. YOU NEED TO BE SELFISH now by caring about only YOURSELF, in time you will be able to say I can now open my heart to someone new. Funny how we've heard this a million times and it being written this way really made an impact the others didn't. Again, thank you!
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Soul Bear.. you're not a fool.. just heart broken and you don't realize that you cannot get her back.. You really need to stop contacting her.. I can guarantee that the next time you contact her for ANYTHING, ANY SMOKE SIGNAL, ANY REASON AT ALL, she will go the legal route and you will likely find yourself with a judges order against you. Please stop contacting her and Please STOP LISTENING to posts that jiggle your need to break NC.. Contacting her anymore will do NOTHING.. NOTHING but get you a judges order... and don't think she won't do it.. She will because you will not listen to her and will not head her warnings. Sorry Dude.. time to lick those wounds and go out and find a new girl..
boogieboy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Dont worry Sould Bear, you needed this wake up call to dash your hopes. And to be honest with you, she wasnt being as nasty as you think, but she needed to slap you in the face to get through to you. If she hadnt been as nasty as you think, do you think you would still have hope? THAT would be bad. Be happy she isnt stringing you along like my ex is still trying to do.
motive2002 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You can cry. You can get angry. You can tell your friend the story of the breakup for the millionth time. You can watch a sad movie. You can punch the cushions with your fist. You can do a lot of things right now and feel ok about it because a lot of us have been through the same thing. but.. you cannot contact your ex. Anything but that. As was said before, nothing good will ever come of it.
alphamale Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 And there was me thinking 'Im so strong with my NC'',,,, dude, 13 hours does not NC make. 13 weeks, maybe
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 we worked together when we met. We couldn't be together but instantly fell for each other. So it was 3 months of not being able to do anything about it because of work. After work ended, we got together for about a year and half. He hurt me very bad. So i talked with some of my friends about it......I am sure they were tired of hearing about it after a good 2 months or so. I could tell that they were fed up and they told me to move on but didn't tell me how. I worked and deleted everything that had to do with him. I made it as if he never existed, although i thought about him and I missed him so much. I then began to write in a journal about the pain and what i wanted to do. You go through different stages with dealing with loss. 1. Denial and isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Loss can happen in many ways as in someone dying, loss of a pet, or even relationships. Is all part of the human psyche. After I began writing about it, I kept doing things I wanted to do. I made a list of things i wanted to do. I wanted a good career or to be working on one, at the time i was not with him I needed a job and I got one. About 4 months after the breakup i was working, which i wanted to do to make money for text books to do the things i wanted, I also met an attractive guy. I said what the heck, I'll hang out with him and have a little fun. Thats all it was, it turned into fun and such...he wasn't fit for me because i found out he did drugs and drank A LOT! So, that was one stepping stone to improve my confidence and ego because I did step out and try to meet another person. Even though it was not a good fit I TRIED! I was happy that i tried and i kept dating other guys after this! We ended on good terms but I just kept doing things i enjoyed. I soon grew less and less attachment guy i missed because I didn't have contact with him, i didn't call, NOTHING. So i essentially went through the stages of loss and obviously I made it through by accepting that it didn't work out and I would not want to be with someone who didn't love me as much as I loved them. It only causes more pain......now i say what the hell was i thinking, i should have done more fun stuff! Now, i think about new guys i can and will meet. I have fun with friends, pursue my dreams, and i have learned this one very important thing to remember when entering ALL relationships in life "Its OK if the person leaves because at least you know that they are not invested and you don't waste your time anymore". I had this intense fear of what happened if the new person left me like this guy did? The fact is if the new person leaves you keep going till one just happens to be the right fit for you. This does not mean neglect the person or just wait for the relationship to end. IT means you be yourself and hope for the best. Its not the end of your life or the world. Happiness is found within yourself as well as confidence and hope for your future. No one can make you happy because you are the best person to know what is going to make you happy. So i can actually say I am happy because I am doing what i want to do and I date and have fun! Dating should be fun and full of laughter. I know there are ups and downs with relationships, but if two people are willing to MUTUALLY work together it will succeed. So become selfish right after a break up. Truly this is what i did. I just thought about me me me. I went to the gym, im pursuing my dreams, I eat healthy, i laugh much more now then when i did after the break up, and thats what i keep doing. I keep doing what i want. I even think about new adventures I will have since I'm not in a relationship and Its not holding me back or anything! I say if i happen to meet the right guy then i will see how it goes. By the way DO NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS, PICK UP PHONE CALLS, NOT EMAILS, NOTHING FROM THE EX!!!!!!! Please its the worst torture you can do to yourself!!!!!! I used to get texts from some ex's but I didn't reply cuz i was like you clearly didn't make the cut, SEE YA! Trust me life is so much more wonderful!!! You can't predict the future either, so don't give up hope.
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You can't predict the future either, so don't give up hope. Great post until this last part This is the part of a post that you need to learn to not listen too Soul Bear.. Your future with this girl is already written as she has decided to write it for you and exclude you from her future...
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Great post until this last part This is the part of a post that you need to learn to not listen too Soul Bear.. Your future with this girl is already written as she has decided to write it for you and exclude you from her future... DONT GIVE UP HOPE ON YOUR LIFE or future relationships. As i said, EVERYTHING FROM THE EX NEEDS TO BE GONE FROM YOUR LIFE. Really just burn them so you never have them around you. You have to make room for a new future lady!
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 DONT GIVE UP HOPE ON YOUR LIFE or future relationships. As i said, EVERYTHING FROM THE EX NEEDS TO BE GONE FROM YOUR LIFE. Really just burn them so you never have them around you. You have to make room for a new future lady! No need to scream Lucky.. I must have misread your post as I read it as not giving up hope on him getting back with his ex since his future isn't written yet.. which is probably how he would have read it too.. You are right about not giving up on future loves though..
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Great posts, Lucky. So you wouldn't care if he was with someone else?
z1850 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Concentrate on your job, hobby, working out, whatever. It's time to move on & forget about her.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 wow...so many replies, thankyou!! someone asked how long we were together. lived together 5 years total, engaged for 4.5. Artcritic, I have no need to get in touch with her anymore, I went into NC with false hope, even a little. This has been my closure. I guess. And i KNOW she would not get a court order Alphapoodle.. Funny man. 13 hours NC?! Its been a few weeks actually, minus her factual email about a week ago about some bills. Agreed tho, 2.5 weeks is nothing to shout about NC. Lucky- your solid. I feel ok, maybe shocked that its for real. But somehow, i knew today i was going to crumble, i have held back all day and i just snapped earlier. It sucks, but at least I can really let go now, I guess Im free to now.
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Great posts, Lucky. So you wouldn't care if he was with someone else? nope i actually don't care if he is with someone else. I don't care if hes dating anyone else. Really, if he was sick with the flu I wouldn't care! I love it! The biggest thing to get over is "caring" gosh thats hard. I am a caring person by nature its also part of my profession to care.....so that was hard not to care. But, it feels like a dark cloud was lifted the day i stopped caring!! Just one day I realized i didn't care and I actually jumped for joy!! This was because I knew i was moving on up!! Believe me i had the good days and bad days but you just keep busy doing what you love to do! It know the relationship ended because he had feelings for his ex. I knew i couldn't change his feelings about that, all i could do was move on. I see myself as being happier without dealing with those previous issues i had during the relationship with him. At the time of the breakup I told myself over and over he was with someone else, he didn't go back to his ex but emotionally he was with someone else. It hurt in the beginning but now I have a whole new view for how relationships go. I know i can't control what the other person does or how they feel, they are human as well. Everyone is free to do what they want. But, it does not mean you have to stand around and wait for them to make up their mind because really "if he or she doesn't love you by now they never will!!" I don't want that at all so that means, keep moving, keep dancing, keep living! I think if i had to see him or be around him it would have made it harder. but time just helped as well as doing what i have said that i did. To me it doesn't make sense why i even stayed with him for as long as i did either. I'm glad i got some common sense and Left after hearing what he said towards the end. It ended with "lets be friends" for the sake of leaving on good terms. I actually ended it, but why would i just stand by someone who didnt love me back??? Really, he should have ended it with me and i would have respected him more! I have a lot to look forward to more so than when i was with him. You dont know how good it feels after truly moving on. Like i said I laugh more, i have more fun, and I don't feel that pain. I kept thinking things would be different but it never happened and one day I just had to know the truth, I deep down new the truth but i didn't want to believe it. I really just faced my fears! I'm actually proud of myself because now i really know what i want and what i seek for future relationships too. You learn and you move on.
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 And i KNOW she would not get a court order Dude.. you keep contacting her with the intent of getting back together after that last email she sent and I guarantee you that she will... You keep missing the part where you are not or have not been listening to her when she has continually asked you for space and NC.. Go back and read all my advice on all your threads... My advice so far has been dead on and I'm also dead on on the advice about continuing to contact her.. it is harassment dude.. Time to grow up...
Author Soul Bear Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Not at all, I have listened all the time. I was happy in NC until today. Dont know why, but today i thought i could do it. I thought we still held hope. I had a monent of weakness, and no matter of reading any NC threads or NAYTHING was stopping me get the urge. So i just did it. I dont think its time to grow up, im happy young an free, but i do think its time to let go. It doesnt matter anymore, I have her answer, i needed this to help me move on, not that its what i wanted to happen per say, but the outcome has helped me gain some insight into her reasons behind it. I would have been wiser staying in NC before, but hey **** happens. Ill live.
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Not at all, I have listened all the time. I was happy in NC until today. Dont know why, but today i thought i could do it. I thought we still held hope. I had a monent of weakness, and no matter of reading any NC threads or NAYTHING was stopping me get the urge. So i just did it. I dont think its time to grow up, im happy young an free, but i do think its time to let go. It doesnt matter anymore, I have her answer, i needed this to help me move on, not that its what i wanted to happen per say, but the outcome has helped me gain some insight into her reasons behind it. Your gonna look back on this breakup totally differently 6 months from now.. in fact you might even laugh at the how you thought you felt... The problem with the moment of weakness's isn't that you have them, we all have them, it is what you do with that moment of weakness is what counts.. you must use it to benefit yourself and not tear yourself down anymore. Had you come to LS and posted about your moment you wouldn't have broken NC, instead you chose the contact route and have done so now many times over and with no change.. Time for another look at life... we are here if you need us..
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Stay NC. just because she's not getting back with you, doesnt mean you dont move on. that doesnt mean you stop breathing. You keep it moving! You was doing well with NC so what does that say about you?
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