brianthesnail Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Had a horribly messy breakup with a girl i genuinely loved with all my heart, took us 3 months to start leaving each other alone! That was a year ago, the last time i saw her i stayed over at her place, we had a night of passionate sex, and in the morning she decided it might be best just to leave things. After that we pretty much cut contact, deleted each other from social networking and didnt speak at all. After about 2 months of NC i was congratulating myself on how little i missed her, its been great being out of contact and having the space to realise that its for the best that we dont get back together. She emailed me a few days ago, just to catch up and see how things are. Having got out of the habit of checking my inbox i didnt see it til she asked me on msn if id received it, was i ignoring her etc etc. We ended up chatting for about an hour online, added each other back on the social networking site, and generally talked about allsorts, but a lot of issues that related back to when we were together. I heard she has a new guy, and ive seen a few girls myself, but ultimately if i'd known for sure she'd have stayed true, i'd have sacked them off for the ex in an instant. Im fairly sure she still has feelings for me - we were each others first proper love, and i still miss her in part. The trouble is that after a year in different towns we're both different people, but for some reason my heart fails to accept that she is no longer the girl i once fell for. Im dying to ring or text her, even though i dont really have anything to say. Do you think she genuinely just wanted to know if i was ok, or do you think theres more to it than that? Do i even really want to know the real answer to that question? The reason we broke up was because she cheated on me, and im fairly sure there were a couple of guys she was flirting with/semi dating behind my back while we were together, but i was too in love with her to really take notice. Guess i believed what i wanted to! Of all the people in the world she was the last one i would ever have imagined to have been the type, i guess it turns out i didnt know her quite as well as i thought. I think what hurt the most is that i tried to break up with her a few times, because i could see us ending badly if we didnt do it then. Each time she'd kick up a huge fuss until i took her back, but each time things weren't that much better. Eventually she proved me right! How do i tell myself i dont miss her or need her back in my life, and how the hell do i get rid of these urges to get back in touch? I feel like id be better off with NC, but i dont want to look like one of those stupid exes who can't make their mind up... Even though i guess in a way i am. I wish i was musical, i'd just get it all out by writing a song. Also, one last psycho-style question... Right now theres no way i could really commit to any kind of relationship, her cheating on me was about the only thing i would never have even imagined to happen to us. I kinda feel like il never be able to trust anyone again, it was the most unexpected thing to find out, after i thought i knew exactly what she was like. Does that change, or is that something il just have to deal with? I dont want to be the jealous type!
CaliGuy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'm sorry but cheating is a deal breaker for me. If you cheat once, you can do it again. And I don't want to live my life looking over my shoulder. No woman is worth that.
LukeC Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 That was interseting to read an my situation is pretty much exactly the same .. I'm only 18 so I lack experience here but, i had a partner of 3 years my first true Love and I made the decision to split up last week after a night of passionate sex because even though shed finally confessed to me shed cheated I couldn't call it off it off straight away I had mixed emotions and was indecisive like you. Wierdly she had no male friends and few girlfriends, of which I was mutral friends with them all and only one or 2 gave her the time of day, it was sad but I knew as partners of 3 years she also had a best friend in me. I was a billion times more sociable, and never thought ever that shed cheat on me ! At the first house party she ever bloody she went to she did. But I knew her so well that's not her right??! This is my theory. We knew parts of them so well how to please them, their favorite drink what they enjoyed ect. But you never know if a womans a cheat untill that temptation comes, no matter how nice she is pall! My girlfriend was the nicest girl ever too it's so unexpected! In plain we deserve better, there are girls better for us Don't trick yourself pal she's not good enough for you and won't ever be !! I feel quite mad and sad now :\
darksky Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah, I agree with the others on this one. She cheated so you should just try as hard as you can to forget all about her and resist any temptation to contact.. easier said than done believe me! Im in a very similar situation also.. my ex cheated on me so I ended it, now she keeps trying to contact me and its been sooo difficult to ignore, but I have done now for over 2 months and i can tell you It does get easier. I often hear people talking about whether or not someone is "the type" to cheat. But in my opinion EVERYONE is capable of cheating, its just a matter of whether they value what they have enough to do it! If you REALLY value what you have then you wont risk cheating and you wont want to cheat, but if you dont value your partner or your relationship very much then theres not much risk involved for the cheater. Just my opinion and im sure others will differ. ~Darksky
Taucher Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I often hear people talking about whether or not someone is "the type" to cheat. But in my opinion EVERYONE is capable of cheating, its just a matter of whether they value what they have enough to do it! If you REALLY value what you have then you wont risk cheating and you wont want to cheat, but if you dont value your partner or your relationship very much then theres not much risk involved for the cheater. Just my opinion and im sure others will differ. ~Darksky I agree with you totally, 100%
LukeC Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I often hear people talking about whether or not someone is "the type" to cheat. But in my opinion EVERYONE is capable of cheating, its just a matter of whether they value what they have enough to do it! If you REALLY value what you have then you wont risk cheating and you wont want to cheat, but if you dont value your partner or your relationship very much then theres not much risk involved for the cheater. Just my opinion and im sure others will differ. Hmm.. I want to agree but i cheated once and it was because I was cheated on and was very angry under the influence of alcohol too. I was 18 and immature I was never and wont ever be the 'Typer to want to cheat' but circumstances change things and I was so sad didn't want to talk to my partner right away I felt betrayed and let down...
darksky Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I want to agree but i cheated once and it was because I was cheated on and was very angry under the influence of alcohol too. I was 18 and immature I was never and wont ever be the 'Typer to want to cheat' but circumstances change things and I was so sad didn't want to talk to my partner right away I felt betrayed and let down...I didn't say Everyone wants to be the type to cheat.. I said that everyone is capable of it. The reason why the cheating happens is irrelevant. What you've just said above kinda supports my theory. You are capable of cheating because you did it.. and the reason why you cheated is because that once she cheated on you the value of the relationship was diminished..
Author brianthesnail Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Cheers for the replies peeps. Haven't really spoken to her since, ive spent a bit of time soulsearching and ive pretty much sorted it all out straight in my head now... At the end of the day we were both young and we had both let the relationship slide downhill to a point where it was more a case of it was just easier to be together, so i should really have been expecting something like this. Im not holding it against her, i know how easy it is in the spur of the moment to get carried away and do things you regret. As for people being the type to cheat, we all have it in us, it just takes more to push some people over the edge than others. I disagree with the 'leopard never changes its spots' though... After all the **** ive been through i wouldn't cheat on anyone again, all it does is make even more mess to sort out! Ive had an awesome year while being single, some horrific downs but the high times have been amazing, so ultimately it was definitely for the best! I hold no hard feelings against her for it - at the end of it all ive come out a stronger and better person for it, and for the first time in 12 months i genuinely think i may be falling for someone again! There is hope out there peeps, just don't put life on hold til it arrives like i did. Thanks one and all!
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