arigato Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I think I am getting "jealous" over nothing but anytime my boyfriend goes out and spends time without me, i think he's lying to me. I found out a few months ago that he had been lying to me about smoking weed. He told me he quit and I asked him a few times afterword how quitting was going and he constantly would tell me he didnt smoke anymore and that it was easy for him to quit since he rarely smoked anyway. After a few times i decided to believe him and left it alone-as if it was over with. but i checked a msg once (as he was logged on & i was on his computer) and there was a msg saying he smokes all the time when his friend comes over and to not tell me/talk about it around me. he lied to me this whole time. this has broke my trust in this relationship...i cant get over the fact he constantly lied.... so now anytime he goes to hang with his friends ,i cant help but ask him a zillion questions and accuse him of random things. idk wat to do with myself... he always tells me everything and is completely open with me,because he told me he doesnt want to lose me but i still accuse him either way...
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Well, you're withholding information, too. How is what you did any less sneaky than what he's doing? If you want to not let this poison your relationship, it's time to sit down, 'fess up to what you read, and see if you two can work on this. Explain the importance of honesty. And without trust, you can't have love. Let him know he WILL lose you if he decides to keep lying. But seriously, do you expect the guy to be honest about the smoking if he's just going to get in trouble? Apparently in his mind, he has this belief that if he can just keep it a secret, the possibility of ruined trust is better than the original "sin." So you have to decide what's more important - him being on pot, or the lying. If you can live with him being on pot, then tell him to cut the crap and start being honest. If you can't, then I think it's time to walk. You can't make somebody quit a habit like that - it's their choice. Go read the thread in the marriage forum titled something like "Lying, lying." It sounds very similar to what you're going through.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Here you go: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190992/
Author arigato Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 thanx- i read the other thread link and it was greatly similiar. We got to talking last nite about this problem-and i think its helped. after reading those replies from the other thread,I really feel selfish for asking him to stop when its his life,and he's not ready for that. But i myself gave it up yrs ago and I don't want to be around that lifestyle so it bothers me to know he does that. when we talked he asked me the reasons why.why i thought it was a bad habit,why i quit,how i quit etc. i loved the fact we could actually talk about this stuff,but i felt like he was just asking to defend himself.which he was because after my answers he'd chime in with "i guess you're right but..." so that convo didnt help too much cause afterword i just got alil upset again about him defending it. well, i guess its more the fact he smokes that bothers me-since i dont want to fall back into that habit and the lying about it just worsened it. I'l just hafta figure out if its worth breaking up over or not. I'll figure it out i guess...
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Well...if your big worry is that YOU might get sucked back into it, set some ground rules. I don't think it's unreasonable given your history with it. If I were in your shoes with that, I'd tell him I didn't ever want it around me, I didn't want it in my house, I didn't want to hear about it...but all I'd ask is if I DID ask him about it, he'd be honest that he DID it. I just wouldn't want to hear him volunteering stories about how high he was or how great that was. That's not easy on a former addict.
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