MissingPiece Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I fell for someone at work 3 years ago. I have moved away and I still can not get him or the events out of my head. I am not sure what to do. I think its too much in the past now to go back. But I just want to move on so this doesnt affect me at work now. I feel like I am going mad at times, I don't know if I should go to the doc, cos it has really effected my work and my relationships with people outside work these last few years. I left the job and the city for 2 main reasons: things weren't working out away from home, and I felt alienated by some that I worked closely with. Amoungst other day to day stuff, regular comments were made about me and his personal lifes, tastes, preferences. And the vibe I got was that no one wanted us to get together. Anyway I know that is irrelevant now. What I can't get my head round was how could I fall for someone so much and it all go so wrong. Since coming home I have managed to avoid meeting eyes with nice men at work, for fear I end up in the same mess and of my work mates who seem very nice getting Jealous and wanting rid of me again. I know it Probably sounds crazy but I think I will always have that doubt in my mind. My trust has been broken with 'friends' so many times. Anyway I think some of the same things are happening again, the Guy is too old. Its a very close knit office and I want to keep a good working relationships. The eye contact is freaking me out, but I know there may be nothing in it. I am just plain akward with him at times for fear of getting too close. I afraid it will effect how well we work together. Anyway I am not quite sure what I am looking for here. Maybe a miracle so I can trust people again. Or to resolve the past, which 3 years later I don't want to go digging it up. Any advice on working relationships and the whole eye contact thing would be helpful.
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Okay this seems like one of those rare moments in which you still remember that one person who in the long range of things is pretty much unimportant. Working relationships are hard because they obviously affect work but that doesn't mean it's bad. What you need to do is keep your mind occupied during the day and find things to keep you distracted from those troubling thoughts. You'll see that once you don't think about that person as much you lose feeling for them. As for the whole eye contact thing, I think he just wants to be professional. Eye contact is a key in the workplace because it shows attentiveness and understanding. Hope this helps.
Mike B. Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I think Niceguy provided some good insight. I won't utter the old saying here but we all know it and after we experience work relationship we began to understand why the old saying doesn't go away. I learned that work relationships should be generally avoided. It can become a very uncomfortable experience when the relationship ends and you have to see or work with that every day afterwards. I recently broke up with somebody I work with and the whole thing with seeing her at work after the break up was so crappy and I am sure you understand. It was so uncomfortable that I had to make a specific request to my boss. He then said to me "now, I got to change the way I have been doing things for years because you decided to sh** were you sleep. Never sh** were you sleep. I learned that the hard way." Me too. He then told me he understood so he was cool about it. I will avoid work relationships from now on and I encourage others to do the same. If you want a work relationship, let it be with your spouse.
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