4givrnt4gtr Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 So Ive been wondering about certain things lately regarding my relationship, one being that I feel like i like my bf more than he likes me. He says that if thats the case the difference is not huge, he thinks we feel pretty much the same for each other. I tend to disagree since i feel like i love this guy and would like to say it but experience has taught me that is a really bad move so I want to wait until he does which he hasnt. In any case, despite my not telling him that i love him i do tend to send him a bit of mushy texts or emails telling him how happy he makes me and how awesome he is. My problem is that those usually go unanswered and i dont know what to make of it. At first i didnt make much of it since he randomely would send me those types of emails as well to which i responded. But lately Ive felt its much more pronounced that my romantic emails and texts are not responded to. I think i want at least a "thank you' or some sort of "i got it" thing. I've even asked him if he got my text and he would just say "yes" but nothing more. In person we are both very loving, though again i feel im much more into him than he is into me. It kind of makes me want to back off, stop sending him anything and telling him how happy he makes me since it looks like either A. he isnt comfortable with it, B. doesnt know how to respond, or C. he doesnt feel the same way. What do you guys think???
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 In any case, despite my not telling him that i love him i do tend to send him a bit of mushy texts or emails telling him how happy he makes me and how awesome he is. My problem is that those usually go unanswered and i dont know what to make of it. At first i didnt make much of it since he randomely would send me those types of emails as well to which i responded. But lately Ive felt its much more pronounced that my romantic emails and texts are not responded to. I think i want at least a "thank you' or some sort of "i got it" thing. I've even asked him if he got my text and he would just say "yes" but nothing more. Uh oh. Then stop doing it, and pull back. He might feel emotionally smothered, or he might not feel the same way. Either way, you need to regain balance and perspective.
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yup, stop sending him mush when he doesn't appreciate it. Whether he feels the same way, no one knows but him. You can't force him to communicate the same way. I don't know too many men who do mush. I do recall a situation where the only compliments paid to me, were ones that pertained to the superficial. I even challenged it, suggesting that less was better, that if he wanted to flatter me, it wasn't through reams of superficial compliments. He never did get it but then, he was a pretty shallow guy.
Jeremy7 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 if it were me i'd love to know how much my gf enjoyed spending time with me. one thing about guys is we're very insecure, but we don't want to show it. however, we don't like to deal with emotions and we're usually worried about coming off as too clingy ourselves. what i'd suggest is to stop sending him texts and emails that are overly emotional. just say stuff like that in person, because you can read from his body language with he likes it or not
BuckWildLady Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 um i'm pretty sure this exact same situation about the sweet texts has gone on in my relationship and yea we say i love you but my texts will go un-answered for days so finally i stopped and just started being a bitch kinda not sending sweet texts and i honestly have seen a change now he calls me more and is always saying like i haven't gotten any texts or calls from you all day and he has actually been sending me sweet texts now not like mine but still i know i hate the game but sometimes you gotta play it right back....
mkmlaw Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 it looks like either A. he isnt comfortable with it, B. doesnt know how to respond, or C. he doesnt feel the same way. Well, I used to send flattering and loving emails and texts to my former boyfriend, and over time began getting less and less of a response from him. For me personally, I discovered that his lack of response was due to a combination of his experiencing all three of the above things. He definitely became more and more uncomfortable with receiving such texts/emails, which led to him not knowing how to respond. Over time, I think those feelings of uncertainty pushed him to not feel the same way about me or the relationship anymore. Whether you are putting those things in writing or saying them out loud, I think coming on too strong can ultimately create a tremendous imbalance in a relationship. (My 2 year relationship ended as a result of that imbalance.) If I could do things all over again, I would back away and let him do a little more of the pursuing...
Mel-Logan Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, you are basically spamming him. Although you have good intentions. It's not quite the same with guys. Men usually prefer not or don't know how to write their feelings down on paper or wordpad. This is why the emails go virtually unanswered because he simply does not know how to respond! He says he loves you just as much. Don't stress, stop the messages and relax.
Thornton Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 My ex used to be like this. I would send him emails telling him how much I liked him, and I would receive no acknowledgement, no similar email in response... perhaps a few days later I'd receive a chatty email with no mush whatsoever. I think perhaps all of a/b/c that you described applied: he didn't know how to respond, and he felt uncomfortable because he didn't have the same feelings for me. The relationship was fairly short-lived - I eventually told him I loved him, he said he didn't have those feelings for me, and then he dumped me. It sounds like you DO like him more than he likes you, and that's never a good position to be in. You need to pull back a little and let him come to you, in order to avoid scaring him off altogether. If he doesn't come to you, he isn't interested.
itgirlragdoll Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 How long have you guys been together? My boyfriend was a bit like this in the beginning (though I very rarely sent him mushy messages), but now I think he's mushier than me! In the meantime, definitely back off. He is going to start thing you are clingy, overly emotional, needy, etc...all those bad things.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Thank you for your responses! I actually ended up asking him whether it made him uncomfortable. He said they didnt but he just doesnt know what to say because he thinks im deluding myself into thinking he is that awesome. He says he has never had a girlfriend that would allow him to be exactly who he is and still think he is great so he is nervous of getting too cocky or not being able to live up to my expectations. I still told him i would try to back off a bit cuz i didnt want to over do it. He said that he really didnt mind them at all. Over all, very good convo...and he assured me he is just as happy with me as I am with him but he likes to show it instead of saying it. im so ridiculously in love with this guy its a bit unerving.
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 It's a great feeling, being ga-ga over someone! But I'm glad you're going to stop some of mush because if you do it too much, it becomes meaningless. Save it for those times where it has the most impact. Appreciation is a funny thing, in that too much or too little/none-at-all, creates discomfort, in a relationship.
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