amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 He was a bad husband and he knows it. We were a good couple but behind closed doors it was bad. Maybe we weren't ready to be married? We separated in '05 and divorced that same year. He's remarried but they have no kids. Our two kids live with me. He supports them and sees them regularly. He speaks to them almost daily on the phone. He calls me daily while they are in school just to talk. Most times I ignore the phone calls. When we talk he speaks of days gone by...the good times only. We did have good times. We were married for nine years, eight really but the divorce took about a year. He picked up the kids the other night and had Nickleback blaring "This is how you remind me" and my kids know that song now because he listened to it a lot over the weekend. "It's not like you didn't know that I said I love you and I swear I still do. It must have been so bad. Cause living with me must have damn near killed you" It's stuck in my head now. "This is how you remind me of what I really am" We have kids together. Maybe that's what is screwing my head up now.
hopesndreams Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 He's remarried but they have no kids. Maybe it's just a little nostalgia? Whether or not they have kids isn't relevant, is it? You have kids with him, but that isn't what keeps or separates a couple, right? You both still have feelings for each other and that's perfectly normal, you were both together for a long time. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. If he wasn't married, then it would be a different set of circumstances, and then perhaps a second chance at it, but that's not the case.
Author amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 It's not nostalgia. The memories I have aren't that good. It's more like wishing if anything. Wishing for a happy family with him as the dad and me as the mom. I love him I guess but I'm not in love with him. I don't even know if I love him really. Maybe as the father of my kids but nothing else. I adore my boyfriend. I wish he was my kids' dad. Okay I'm done. Never again. I knew what I was doing before and it's the same thing still. This whole thing was probably prompted by me getting our son into counseling because he is showing signs of displaced sadness turned into anger. I told my ex about it and I guess he thinks I'm wonderful all of a sudden for recognizing it. My son is having the same deal as my ex. Only I'm addressing it which my ex's parents never did. Which is why my exH turned into a very angry man. Okay...he can love me as a good mom to his kids but not as his wife. He had the chance already and blew it. Thanks hopesanddreams.
Soul Bear Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Have to chuck the perverbial baby out of the bath water here. I would hate to think that my ex, for her mind to be swayed so easily as to saying 'never' when things could have been 'forever'....I think you should make up your own mind. I think you should at least hear him out and see whats going on...test the waters. People do change and things CAN be better than they were before. I think you should continue to consider it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 He's Remarried???? WTF are you serious? What would his wife think? Why go backwards in life, even you said he was a bad husband. Why dont you move on with your life? I understand the part about having kids but it's been a long time why now??? Why didnt y'all get back together before he was married?
Author amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 I would hate to think that my ex, for her mind to be swayed so easily as to saying 'never' when things could have been 'forever'....I think you should make up your own mind. I think you should at least hear him out and see whats going on...test the waters. People do change and things CAN be better than they were before. I think you should continue to consider it. No way. I can't. Divorcing him was one of the best things I've done for myself and for my children. I actually feel really stupid for even giving it this much thought.
Author amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 He's Remarried???? WTF are you serious? What would his wife think? Why go backwards in life, even you said he was a bad husband. Why dont you move on with your life? I understand the part about having kids but it's been a long time why now??? Why didnt y'all get back together before he was married? I know...you're right. We didn't get back together for the same reason we won't ever get back together. He treated the kids and me like $hit. If anything his conscience is catching up with him. I won't benefit from that or maybe I will if he stops acting like a jerk to me but mostly I want him to not be a jerk to our kids. So good if he finally got a conscience. But I doubt it.
NopeNah Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 No way. I can't. Divorcing him was one of the best things I've done for myself and for my children. I actually feel really stupid for even giving it this much thought. Ive learned from reading here' soulbear gives the worst "advice"..goodluck to you...and let this go! It stopped for a reason..and i'm thinking it was your ex.. You and the kid's are what it should be about!
Author amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 goodluck to you...and let this go! Thank you. I have.
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