NYmomOf2 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter together and I'm just not happy anymore. Throughout the whole relationship he hasn't been able to hold a job, I've always been the one working and then he always wants money. We constantly get into fights over the stupidest little things...sometimes I find myself purposely giving him attitudes so we get into a fight and hope he'll leave. I can't do anything without him calling my cell phone every half an hour or getting yelled at because I took too long at the store or something. Yet when he goes anywhere, I can never get a hold of him and he's gone for hours. I just don't see how it's fair! I've lost pretty much all of my friends because he "didn't like them". I've tried so many times to kick him out but he either plays the "i'm going to take you to court for custody" ordeal or "i'm signing over my rights to my daughter, you're not getting me for child support". It's not that I think he'll win for custody, because I know he won't...I just don't want to put my kids through that. I'm honestly at lost of how to end this relationship without being downright mean about it. He's a decent guy, just not a good boyfriend, he's too controlling. But, if i'm too mean about it I risk having to deal with court and him not coming to see his daughter. Does anyone have any suggestions?
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter together and I'm just not happy anymore. Throughout the whole relationship he hasn't been able to hold a job, I've always been the one working and then he always wants money. He sounds a real charmer - responsible, an' all that..... (. . .) I've tried so many times to kick him out but he either plays the "i'm going to take you to court for custody" ordeal or "i'm signing over my rights to my daughter, you're not getting me for child support". It's not that I think he'll win for custody, because I know he won't...I just don't want to put my kids through that. So in one breath he talks about fighting you for custody, then he talks about 'signing over his rights'...? To whom? The other party has to be willing..... Relax. You won't be putting your kids through anything. If he puts as much effort into this as he does finding a job, you have no worries about his threats. I'm honestly at lost of how to end this relationship without being downright mean about it. He's a decent guy,NO HE'S NOT - !! just not a good boyfriend, he's too controlling. But, if i'm too mean about it I risk having to deal with court and him not coming to see his daughter. Does anyone have any suggestions? Yes. You really do have to toughen up and do what's right. While you are with him, you are teaching your daughter her future behaviour. That it's ok to be nice and get verbally beaten up and abused, because nice girls put up with that. You want to see your daughter end up with a guy like him? He's a father, but he's not a dad. So really, all you need to make sure is that he provides, but th responsibility of being a dad, is his to fulfill, you can't make him be a dad.... Come on! You really have to be strong. And yes, mean. if it means your daughter grows up in a balanced environment, then be mean.
missdependant Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Courts generally side with the mother. The only downfall to him not holding a job would be that he might get away with not paying child support. Otherwise, the judge will most likely look at the fact that you've had a stable job history, that you make enough money to provide for the kids. I wouldn't recommend asking for custody to the point of him never seeing them again. It is more beneficial for kids to know their father, if he is at least a good dad. Also, it will look really bad on your part if you're requesting full-custody with no intention of letting them see their father. But if he is treating you like crap, there is no reason to stay. He can fight you in court if he wants to.. but how will this influence your kids? Don't let them develop the state of mind that it's OKAY for men to treat women like punching bags (verbally, physically, whatever..) How is he in terms of being a father?
Sam Spade Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Call the biggest and baddest of the friends you've left, and aks them to please beat this guy into pulp. I bet you're not perfect either, but it seems he's crossed more lines than anybody should be allowed to.
colosseum Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 But if he is treating you like crap, there is no reason to stay. He can fight you in court if he wants to.. but how will this influence your kids? Don't let them develop the state of mind that it's OKAY for men to treat women like punching bags (verbally, physically, whatever..) How is he in terms of being a father? Yeah, what is the state of affairs in the home like? Okay she's 1.5 yrs old, but kids are significantly influenced by the environment at home so I say bailing now may be better than waiting for things to get worse; are you and he fighting all the time? Is it tense? It seems you two aren't that happy together, and the kids can/will feel it. Sorry to hear about your situation. I/We wish you only the best. You can do it; don't give up.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I just had to reply to the comments he makes about fighting you for custody and the signing his rights over. First off, courts will side with the mother a BROAD majority of the time. The times when they don't? When the mother is downright ABUSIVE to the child and they have VERY strong evidence of such. Or when the mother has no way to support the child and the father is much more stable. So good luck to him winning that battle. The guy doesn't even have a job. Secondly. The thing about signing away his rights? Huh? Who the hell told him he could do that? If the child is HIS (his name's on the birth certificate), he's REQUIRED to pay child support. If you could just sign away your rights to your child, you know how many men would do that to get out of paying child support? That only works if the MOTHER agrees to it (usually because she has a stepfather ready to step in and adopt the child[ren]). It's a lengthy process, anyway, and good luck to him getting through it. Especially when you say no. This can't be good for your child. There really is NO win-win in this situation if he's going to be so petty. Either you stay with him and he continues to show your daughter the kind of guy she's doomed to end up with, or you get rid of him and risk him stepping out of her life forever. I don't know, I think I'd go for option B. Yeah, he MIGHT be a good father (you didn't really say for sure), but that pales in comparison to how he's treating you. Somebody above mentioned CS when the guy doesn't have a job...well, he can't live forever without a job. When he gets one, report his ass for a change in income. The state will investigate. I don't know how other states are, but when my XH had a CS dispute with his XW, they nailed his ass to the wall. Things are MUCH different these days when it comes to getting CS that is owed.
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