vizno Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Especially pictures. Keep them? Burn them? Throw them away? What about jewelry, gifts, teddy bears? I have a picture that my ex hand drew for me of us together, it's been sitting in my closet for a year now, but I don't know what to do with it. Its a a nice picture and she put a lot of effort into it... but I don't know what to do!
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I'd packet it all up and send it back to them. These were things given in affection. As that state no longer exists, they can have them back. Then, they can deal with the problem of what to do with them.
Ronni_W Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 but I don't know what to do! The stuff you're talking about were gifts to you...they are YOURS, not your ex's. It's only that you received them from your ex: If your dad gifted you with a shirt -- is that your dad's shirt? What to do with it depends on how it is affecting you by holding on. If it's just in the closet and doing no mental-emotional harm, then leave it there. Or keep some of the more sentimental photos/pieces and let go of the rest (donate/junk/burn.) If you're sensing that having them is preventing you from fully moving forward, then get rid of all of it. I wouldn't send anything back to her...IMO, that's just mean. The hand-drawn picture -- yes, she put a lot of effort into it, but that doesn't mean that you MUST be stuck with it for the rest of your life. At this point, try to separate out her effort and all the emotions involved, and just decide if the piece is valuable and uplifting for you for where you are TODAY. Letting go of the last 'bits and pieces' can sometimes be a difficult task. My suggestion is to be gentle with yourself, and allow your own heart and mind to guide you.
Thornton Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I agree with Ronni - sending stuff back to your ex is just mean. Those things were gifts, given in love, and to return them is incredibly mean, it's basically a way of having a dig at the other person. Things like letters or cards or photos I would usually burn, but I would keep things like clothes or jewellery, particularly if it's stuff I wear a lot or that was expensive. I imagine the guy in question would want me to keep the gifts he gave me; he has no more use for the gold earrings he bought me than I would have for the size 12 men's shoes that I bought him, so returning them would be pointless. Teddy bears and other inexpensive novelty items I would usually give away to someone's kid. I might keep a few little mementoes and some digital photos, but nothing that a new boyfriend might find offensive.
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yeh, but in my experience, guys look upon this in a different way. That's why I said what I said..... But I hope vizno does what he feels is right for him.....
Ronni_W Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yeh, but in my experience, guys look upon this in a different way. I do agree for vizno to follow his own heart. But I disagree that we ought to be advocating/counseling/advising (whatever we do here at LS ) people to act mean just because of their gender, or perspective, or whatever else excuse they may like to adopt for themselves.
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Well, I have a few exes and have accumulated a few things. Depending on how it ended, I either kept, gave back, or destroyed (with much ceremony) the gifts received from them. BUT... A number of years ago in our city you would have been quite surprised by the number of homeless men wearing Hugo Boss suits.
CaliGuy Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Especially pictures. Keep them? Burn them? Throw them away? What about jewelry, gifts, teddy bears? I have a picture that my ex hand drew for me of us together, it's been sitting in my closet for a year now, but I don't know what to do with it. Its a a nice picture and she put a lot of effort into it... but I don't know what to do! Stuff they want back: Box it up and give it to a friend to give to him/her. You don't need to see them. Mementos between you both: Box them up, tape the box shut and put it somewhere that you can't get to easily (ideally the attic because no one ever likes going up there).
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I do agree for vizno to follow his own heart. But I disagree that we ought to be advocating/counseling/advising (whatever we do here at LS ) people to act mean just because of their gender, or perspective, or whatever else excuse they may like to adopt for themselves. My suggestion had nothing to do with acting mean. My suggestion was merely as a completely self-protecting measure. It was not internded as a vindictive gesture, but one implied to be...."Cleansing".....
HappyAgain Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 All my stuff went in the trash - wedding pictures, gifts, mementos; but I knew I was ready to never go back to that life and I have never regretted my decision.
boogieboy Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Everything she gave me, or kept at my place went back to her in 3 bags. Including something she painted for me. Didnt matter, she still tried to keep me hanging on a string after that, so she deserved it.
Ingenue Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 If you no longer have any sentimental value attached to the object, then I would try to objectively assess whether said object clutters your life. If it does, dispose of it in the manner you see fit. With many of my ex's gifts, I just saw clutter and more clutter. The books and DVDs, I've already donated/sold at a garage sale and the big art piece that is taking up space in my wall, I've put on the auction block. If that fails, I'll recycle the frame and throw out the art. Clothes have been donated. The emails and letters I've disposed of already. I've kept a few odd pictures but the majority of them have also been discarded (read: ripped to pieces). I have all the memories I need in my own head. Regardless of the approach you take, don't send them back to your ex as it might suggest you're still hung up/care about what the ex thinks. If the objects still hold sentimental value, box them all up and hide them in the closet/crawlspace/attic until there is a time when you can look at them and view them indifferently. Objects are only meaningful if we attach sentiment to them.
Author vizno Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks all for your advice! I'm hearing if it hasn't affected me then it shouldn't be a problem. I stumbled upon a picture of her I hid and I was able that one away with the help of a bit of willpower, but I haven't stumbled across the hand drawn picture or all her letters because I know where they all are. I know it doesn't drive me crazy, but my mind still occasionally wanders towards my closet and its contents..
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