yourlady Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 hi. this is my very first time posting a thread i read and even saved many post in here abt the The No contact guide and second chances which is really helpful . here's my story, i met my 1st bf when i was 21,he was 18 then, he got hurt by his first love back then and after that he went sleeping ard and had a lot of flings, when he met me,he said he was ready to stop what he was doing and yearns for true love ,he pursued me and (because he knew i wanted to keep myself till after marriage),in our 1yr9mths of relationship he never once pressured me into sex . he was really sweet,but after 4mths together he wanted to break up with me to concentrate on his career,he left me hanging for a few wks without calling and was turning cold. i cried like mad but made a choice to move on,it was then at the last min during our conversation when i was about to walk away he held me hands and hesitated and decided that he couldnt live without me. the following year was great,he apologized, became even more caring then before and always said of how much he regretted what he did to cause me hurt on the 4th mth. this yr started off bad,he's in the army with his stress and all while i have my exams to deal with and at the same time getting kicked out of my hse by my step mum.so he and i both were kinda having a rough time and our arguements started to escalate. however it always ended on a good note because i'd apologise ,sometimes he did too. so i thought all was good till this other day agn when we argued the night before which also ended on a good note,i texted him to apologize agn but he didt reply at all till i couldnt take it and ask him how much i mean to him exactly. then he disappeared for a week. which was friggin mean because it was my exam period. a week later he texted me 10 mins before my exam paper saying he's going somewhere to relax and what has passed has passed and stuff like that, i panicked and cried thruout my paper anyhow, he disappeared agn for abt 3 weeks. in between,our common friend called him and he said stuff to her like he's not good enough for me, our arguments were repetative and he was tired,and very low chances of us geting back together coz he thinks i can get a better man. he told her that our relationship was the best he ever had,most serious ,best gf and the girl he'd wanna marry.. he and i met on the 4th week,he came to break up with me. he was very cold and even pushed me away when we hugged (for the last time). he said he doesnt want this end to be a finishing line but a finale? and that we were both v young and shd go out and have fun.and that in future when he's ready and if im with another man,he'll come back and fight for me. i asked if it meant he was gonna slp ard and he said no and girls were most uninteresting to him at the moment and he wasnt looking to move on. anyway , on the 3rd day of our break up i saw pictures on the net of him with another girl. sigh.so i texted him V ANGRILY,for blaming me and the arguments when actually he was out with another girl all these time. he also mentioned to my friend that the new girl hes with now wasnt simple anyways.(he meant flingable). i naively thought i could still fight for him ,but he juz kept saying he'll not look back, calling him isnt gonna make a difference and the girl and i are of no fight and are of a different league. its been 3 weeks.this forum helped alot in my healing, im still confused coz i dunno if he left because he self righteously thinks its for the best for me because he know i wanna start a family and have kids but he doesnt want to till he's 30 and its 10 yrs frm now. i told him i choose him with no regrets even if he doesnt want marriage but he doesnt budge. or he juz wants to have fun,slp ard and have flings. he hasnt called,nor text,nor made any effort whatsoever,the hardest part is oso coming to terms that the once so sweet and loving man has become so cruel and has cut me off his life juz like that. i know i wrote so very much already.but if anyones reading, do you think when he says he'll come back and fight for me or its not the finishing line that he meant it? after all that he has done to hurt me,shd i even be harbouring thoughts of even a 2nd chance? he's 20 now,could it be the childishness? i know even so,if he loves me enough he would cme back for me but he hasnt.he seems so firm on his decision and will nvr look back on what we had together. i dont know. juz a week before that last argument he was going to travel agencies to check out some travelling stuff which we planned and even texted me abt how i mean the world to me and he owes everything to me.but i know,it most certainly feels like bullcrap now. sigh.i was thinking of sending him a text msg or call him maybe in half a yr? a simple hello to chck how he's doing ,izzit redundant?
Exit Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Why would you set yourself up for a goal like that? Calling him in half a year? If you set that date in your mind, you'll be thinking about it every day. You need to make goals for your own life and move on. And if at some point down the road you feel like calling him, then you can decide. Trying to decide right now is pointless. You have no idea how you'll even feel in 6 months. Him saying that he'll come back and fight for you is BS. He just wants you to still have feelings for him in case he decides to come back. Don't let him manipulate you like that. He has moved on and so should you.
sean22 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yes, Exit is right.. you can't sit there waiting and hoping he will come back. You'll be constantly thinking about him and when that day comes you'll only be let down when you find out he has moved on and you will have realised you wasted half a year. You can't change how he feels about you. Only he can change that. Let him go, give him a chance to miss you. He has to realise what he has lost on his own and if he doesn't i guess it just wasn't meant to be. "If you love something, set it free. If it come back it's meant to be." Dunno if this helped.
Art_Critic Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 sigh.i was thinking of sending him a text msg or call him maybe in half a yr? a simple hello to chck how he's doing ,izzit redundant? Sending a message like this in a timed fashion already decided when to send it is the same as an alcoholic deciding that he is going to quit drinking and pick it all back up 6 months from now.. It isn't healthy for you to be doing this... What you need to reconcile is that he isn't in your life any longer and he didn't treat you very cool. He doesn't deserve the time you will spend thinking about him.. Sorry for your break-up.. break-ups suck but one thing is for sure and that is everybody moves on and finds another .. you will too
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