Carlyy17 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 What is cheating? I guess I have always considered cheating actual kissing or hooking up with another guy or girl. But could cheating be flirting also? If you flirt (most of the time) you want more from that person, beyond a friendship. I have always thought of myself to be very faithful to my boyfriend. I would never cheat on him, as in hook up with another guy while dating him... The reason I am posting this is because I want feedback from others about what they would consider crossing the line in a relationship. I have a "guy friend," who I am not exactly close with. We talk via instant messaging very frequently. I met him when we worked together. We don't work together anymore and have not for the past year or year and a half. I have kept in touch with him and lately we have been talking more than usual. I rarely see him. I might have seen him twice since we stopped working together. But we talk a lot. He has told me he has feelings for me but he knows that I have a boyfriend. He said he did not want to talk to me anymore because I had a boyfriend and it was hard for him to talk to me. Personally, I did not like that idea because I think it is possible for guys and girls to be friends. We stopped talking for a little while but he recently told me that he thought I was right and there was more to our friendship then just a sexual desire. So we made plans to hang out... now the problem is that I feel like I cannot tell my boyfriend that I am hanging out with another guy. I don't think he would understand and think that I am cheating on him...or that I might want to cheat on him. I canceled plans with him the other night because I felt guilty hanging out with him and lying to my boyfriend about it. Did I do the right thing? I feel guilty now for canceling on my guy friend last minute. He was pretty angry when I told him why I canceled and I feel horrible about it. I was the one that said from the beginning that he shouldn't want to stop being friends because we werent in a relationship. Then I cancelled plans with him because I felt guilty...But now I can kind of see why he had said that.. When I ask myself if I have feelings for my guyfriend I am unsure. I love my boyfriend but then I can't help but ask myself if I have feelings for this guy too. If I don't want to hang out with him because I feel guilty...does that mean I could have feelings for him? Why do I feel like I can't be honest with my boyfriend...is it because I have feelings for this guy? Is that cheating? What should I do?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 When it's in anyway emotional..IMO..I consider that cheating..could be just me but, thats my line!
boldjack Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 OP, if you are having doubts about your BF and whether you have feelings for the other guy, and if you are keeping these feelings secret from your BF, then yes, you are cheating
lovelorcet Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 "He has told me he has feelings for me but he knows that I have a boyfriend. He said he did not want to talk to me anymore because I had a boyfriend and it was hard for him to talk to me. Personally, I did not like that idea because I think it is possible for guys and girls to be friends." This is actually a quite arrogant stance... The boy is telling you that he has feelings... It does not matter one bit if you think men and women can have friendships, he has clearly stated that he has feelings for you. That alone is a red flag. And then you go on to state that YOU YOURSELF are even unsure about your feelings for this other man!?!? You are on a slippery slope. You are clearly not able to have a normal friendship with this man and should just accept that. Disengage and leave this guy alone or dump your BF and go have some fun. A very simple way to deal with the idea of cheating is like this. If you feel like you have to hide something or act in secret form your partner... well then something is wrong...
Thornton Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 It's tough when a friend has a crush on you like this. I had a bf and a male best friend for three years, and my friend always seemed fine with me being in a relationship, I even tried to set him up on dates with other girls etc. When my bf and I broke up, my best friend immediately jumped in and said he had always had feelings for me, and I told him I didn't feel that way about him. He decided he couldn't continue to be my friend because he had feelings for me - weird because he'd had these feelings for the past three years while we'd been friends! I think once he knew there was no chance of us ever getting together he didn't want to be friends any more, which left me feeling like the whole three year friendship had been a lie based on him hoping he might get a crack at me. He even had the audacity to tell my new bf that he'd jumped his turn and he was next in line to date me! The point is, my friend wanted all or nothing - my friendship alone wasn't enough for him. Plus he felt that he couldn't date while I was in his life, because other girls compared unfavourably to me, and he had to cut me out in order to get on with his life. It's cruel to give your friend false hope Carlyy17, if you don't want to date him it's kinder to let him go. Plus it's also unfair on your bf if you're hanging out with guys who are crushing on you - you wouldn't like him hanging out with girls who were crushing on him. Men and women can be friends, but it's difficult to continue a friendship when one friend has feelings for the other.
lkjh Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 yes its cheating and he does not want to hang out with you as friends, he wants to hook up with you. Don't be so naive. If you have to lie to your bf and yourself then it is wrong. Tell your bf the situation and don't lie, tell him everything. Don't just say that you are hanging out with a friend. Tell him that its a friend that has confessed he is sexually attracted to you. You conscious is telling you something. I hope you make the right decision
love2dance Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 A very simple way to deal with the idea of cheating is like this. If you feel like you have to hide something or act in secret form your partner... well then something is wrong... I agree with this-if you feel like lying or keeping your relationship with this guy a secret, then there is something wrong. If you really want to be just friends with this guy, then why don't you invite your boyfriend along with you to the outings? Then there will be no misunderstanding btwn you and your bf and you and your friend and there is no chance of cheating...
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