Moving on or not?

[azraf]

okay here's my story. My ex and i were dating for 2.5 years. Throughout this period of time everything went really smooth and we rarely argue (like maybe 2 times throughout our relationship).I was feeling on top of the world, my career was progressing and i had the most wonderful partner anyone could ask for. Last month i travelled quite abit with family and for work and a day before i was scheduled to leave for a week work trip to Indonesia my ex dropped the bomb and said we needed to talk. My ex said "i dont feel the same way anymore, i feel like we're friends" and i dont feel the same attraction towards you like before and i've been feeling like this for weeks now"I couldnt think right after that and that statement really shattered me to pieces. I obviously screwed up my working trip due to lack of sleep etc and just wanted to be back home to get things straight. I was treated with a cold shoulder by my ex and it drove me nuts. I love my ex to bits and pieces and would do anything for my ex.I cried everyday and was a total mess, preparing myself for the worse. I prayed that god would just give me a sign and true enough, 2 weeks back i opened my ex's facebook and found intimate messages between my ex and another man. I felt so betrayed, used, devastated and that my world has turned upside down. Till today their messages kept lingering on my mind. I confronted my ex and we both decided to forget the past and try to work things out. It lasted only for a week due to me being paranoid at all times if they were still in contact. I dont know, i really dont believe that people fall out of love so easily and what hurts is my ex's statement earlier about being friends etc. So i called it off after trying for a week because i couldnt face feeling heartbroken everyday with the feeling of uncertainty. My ex cried like crazy and i remained calm. I would say we had a clean break with us apologizing to each other and thanking each other for great memories in the relationship.I told my ex not to contact me via sms or phone call before we ended our last chat. i feel like its easy for my ex to move on for the fact that theres another man waiting to help my ex pick up the pieces again and im left to mend this broken heart. The next two days after the break up my ex called and texted me and said the whole "i miss you, i still love you, miss your company, warmth, humour and that i will always be the bestfriend"!i didnt reply any of my ex's call or sms and all i wanted to do was move on and mend my broken heart. 1 week has past since we've broken up and im trying my very best to move on by hitting the gym, getting a new haircut and dressing up to the nines just to boost my confidence again. I thought it would be easy to move on but the truth of the matter of fact is :

 

1) i still miss and love my ex so terribly.

2) Everything i do reminds me of my ex

3) I said dont call or sms but deep down inside i still want to get that phone call or sms

4) im begining or looking for reasons to hate my ex and hating the person you've always loved is not an easy task

5) i kept waking up in the middle of my sleep thinking of the two of them having fun, sex and it kills me

6) Some days im ok and some days i feel so so down, missing my ex like mad

7) I wonder if my ex still thinks of me or have moved on

8) Does this means there are no chance of getting back together? i hate the fact that im trying to move on but at the same time i have this fantasy about us maybe getting back together.

 

Hope to hear from u guys for advice or anyone with similar situation?

[boogieboy]

You did the right thing by cutting her off first of all. She cant use you to heal, if she needs to, so good job. That might give you a chance in the future, if you wait a couple months, if the new guy doesnt work out, but dont count on it. Usually once a woman loses interest, it never comes back.

 

Heres the problem. Your ex is one of those women who stays in a relationship so she wont be alone. So you dont know HOW long she wasnt feelin love for you anymore. Then once she finds someone who she wants to try out, she dumps ya. Heres a cold hard truth...the might be a lil hurt, but since she already has someone else, her crying was only crying in front of you, might have actually been acting too. They dont want you to hate them, so they will do what they must to prevent that. Even if it means acting like theyre hurt when theyre not. Its kinda sociopathic.

 

You also wont realize until you start to heal that you might have neglected her in some way. Theres tons of things you could have done to discourage her from thinking of a future with you, and not realized it.

 

So for the next gf you have, make sure you see the signs and pay attention to them.

[NopeNah]

You did the right thing by cutting her off first of all. She cant use you to heal, if she needs to, so good job. That might give you a chance in the future, if you wait a couple months, if the new guy doesnt work out, but dont count on it. Usually once a woman loses interest, it never comes back.

 

Heres the problem. Your ex is one of those women who stays in a relationship so she wont be alone. So you dont know HOW long she wasnt feelin love for you anymore. Then once she finds someone who she wants to try out, she dumps ya. Heres a cold hard truth...the might be a lil hurt, but since she already has someone else, her crying was only crying in front of you, might have actually been acting too. They dont want you to hate them, so they will do what they must to prevent that. Even if it means acting like theyre hurt when theyre not. Its kinda sociopathic.

 

You also wont realize until you start to heal that you might have neglected her in some way. Theres tons of things you could have done to discourage her from thinking of a future with you, and not realized it.

 

So for the next gf you have, make sure you see the signs and pay attention to them.

Excellent advice! and goodluck to the OP..it does get better and there are plenty of women out there..

[azraf]

Thanks for the reply guys. i guess so she has moved on. Im still on NC for a week plus now but today i felt the sudden urge to sms or call coz im missing her very much actually. I know i have to move on but i cant erase the "hope" away from my mind. I feel like we should try it one more time. but at other times im fine and suddenly like winning her back. i dont know maybe its still new, one week after the break but when i read back her sms, she said she loves me and miss me and that she hope one day to ehar my voice again. What should i do?am i indenial? i miss her too much.

[caz83]

Hi, if you read my original thread you will see that my story is pretty much similar to yours. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, we lived togther and never argued or anything, we just had so much stupid fun together. Then out of the blue he breaks up with me, said we don't feel like "boyfriend and girlfriend" anymore. I was so so shocked because I didnt see it coming, which im guessing is how you felt too. And I think the reason I (and you) find it so difficult to accept is because I cant accpet something that I dont understand. I found messages too that showed he was already with someone else. Maybe with both of our ex's its that initial lust with someone else that has made them think of us as just being their 'friends'...but need to realise that thats what happens when u have been together for a while, but it's not a bad thing! its just the next stage! You said she was crying and saying how much she loved you, when we were breaking up he was crying so much and saying that nobody is ever going to 'get' him the way I do etc etc. But it has been 2 months now and as time has gone past he has got more and more distant with me, to the point where it feels he can hardly stand to talk to me, which makes me think the tears at the start were just out of guilt.

Do you think the same as me, that if there was nothing wrong with us atall except for the fact that our partners met someone else, then if it goes wrong with that person why wouldnt they come back?? Its that thought and hope that stops me from moving on, because I just cant accept and see it as being final. And, like you, I want to hate him. But at the moment I have 2 months of him being horrible compared to 3 years of him being lovely, so the good thoughts far outweigh the bad.

The part that makes me really angry (is this the same for you?) is that, if he was having doubts or questions about us then why didnt he tell me so we could try and fix it before it got to the point where he was cheating?! did he not think our relationship was worth fighting for and trying to save? but he was just pretending everything was normal, telling me he loved me and buying things for our apartment right up to the day he dumped me. So I was just carrying on oblivious and it is so frustrating that he didnt give me the chance to try and fix it.

I know this is all my story, but just wanted to let you know that I am going through something very similar and we are probably thinking alot of the same thoughts.