Jackson24 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 sorry, its long.. Background: about 4 months ago; my gf cheated on me while she was on x.. prior to this she went to a party and "forgot" to call me and she also went to another little get together without telling me... all this happened in the same week less than a month into our relationship.. i forgave her after she made a lot of promises... 4 months went by and she truly seemed like she changed.. she never goes to parties, she didnt seem like she wanted to.. prior to us getting together she was a big party person.. and would go to her friends, and get drunk (just them).. in the past 4 months she hasnt been to her friends house once.. she hangs out with me everyday and really showed me she changed... then lately i kinda noticed she was gettin the "itch" So.. tonight i told her she could go to her bf house just her and her friend and drink.. then she calls me and says they went to a guys house and that there are seven guys there and one of my best friends is there so she thought itd be ok but she said she wasnt guna drink... i said she could drink hoping she would say i dont want to unless ur here.. but she decided she was gonna drink a little... she didnt get trashed or anything.. but the whole scene seems liek its here returning to old ways and i know she would hate it if i did the same... so what do i do? i kinda lured her into the situation saying she could drink.. but it kinda showed me maybe she hasnt changed.. the other night she said i think it might get boring (our relationship) after a year with all the boundaries- saying she didnt wanna party, she just wanted to go to her friends and not have me be so nosy (i did check her phone and email too much)... i dont think she would cheat on me, i just dont know if shes willing to give up her past lifestyle for me.. should i present this ultimatum to her(me or partying)? should i just break up? should i let it play out? or am i just making too much outa this? P.S. is it normal to drink and do things like this without ur bf if ur in a committed relationship? is are relationship to limited?
boogieboy Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 1.) Who are you to ask her to change for YOU? You should accept her for the way she is, or just get another girl whos lifestyle is acceptable for you. 2.) You are WAAAYY too possesive and nosy and jealous for this girl. She wants to be wild and free and you cant handle it. Shall I hazard a guess that you have lost other women for this same reason? You should not be in the mindset of being someones boss, you dont own nor owe her. Stop telling her what to do. You should just be happy that she comes back to you, but this isnt going to last, I say quit now. You cant ask someone to change, thats ridiculous. You could try another route, dont tell her what to do, and let her hang out whenever she wants. Let her initiate calls and visits to your place. See how she reacts when YOU change. Think you can do that?
NopeNah Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 sorry, its long.. Background: about 4 months ago; my gf cheated on me while she was on x.. i dont think she would cheat RUN!!!!! and dont look back!
drivesmecrazy3 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Sometimes its really hard to accept cheating fully, because all a person does is spend their new ways believing that something like that could never happen again, that it stemmed a change. However, personally, I believe that if someone has cheated once, that theres a much greater chance that it would happen again. This girl has to WANT to be with you, and WANT to alter her lifestyle for you, and if she complains, this is not the case. I realize how hard it can be to let someone go, but sometimes waiting too long can create much more pain and you'd be missing out on plenty of other opportunities. Dont feel bad though man, it happens to us all.
Thornton Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 The cheating is bad; that is a dumping offence. The rest is you being WAAY too paranoid and possessive. So she went to a party and forgot to call you... big deal, that happens all the time, people forget stuff. She went out without telling you? Who are you, her mother? Who are you to give her permission to go to her friend's house and drink anyway... you're not the boss of her, she doesn't need your permission to visit her friend or to have a drink. You cannot expect someone to change for you, and if you set boundaries like this within a relationship the other person will eventually get sick of you telling them what to do. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you own the other person; while you might expect them to want to spend a certain amount of time with you, they still have the right to live their own life and go out with their friends. If you don't address this possessiveness you're going to run into similar problems in every relationship you have. Why do you think you're so possessive - insecurity perhaps?
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