devestated Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 ok so my guy is 30 (as am i) we have been together 3 years. we lived together for almost 2 years and the last year we have been separated due to work (he is army). 10 days ago just before he went on an army exercise (like literally before - I couldn't ring because he was out of phone range)he told me that he wants a break to be alone. He has never been alone and feels like he needs to grow up and learn to appreciate me and his family. that I should know he loves me. That maybe if he has a break he can show me how he really feels the way I would like him too. He doesn't think he will ever find someone as compatible as me, and said there is always hope for the future. He said i will always be his "one" but he isnt sure if that means we are meant to be together because with everything in his life the timing seems to be all wrong. He swears blind that there is no one else and he isn't even interested in finding someone or flirting and picking up. He even said he doesn't want to tell his family right away that we broke up.. but he will tell them. just later. that he is sure my touch and my smile will haunt him in his sleep and that he can live without me...maybe not without my love.. but that is his burden to bear and that when we are apart he can block me out and live without me but that when we are together for vists he just wants me forever. Now I know distance can cause massive strain on a [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#025095]relationship[/COLOR][/FONT] and we have had a fair share or hard times but always got through them. Just lately he has been trying to keep busy a lot (as he puts it) to not think about the fact we are so far apart. He has been going out a lot and drinking but he doesn't get drunk or pick up (I know this as he usually calls me when he gets home) but I do feel he wants more freedom. He was supposed to discharge and move here a couple of months ago but due to the economic times it wasn't possible and he has now had to resign for another 2 years. meaning we may be apart until end of next yr. (it is not possible for me to move there). he has said maybe if he has a break to grow up and be alone he will appreciate us and he can move to me and everything will be great. he also said he has been inquiring about changing jobs within the army to move here but is almost impossible. i am quite stressed out and upset as just the day before he was saying how much he would miss me and that he loves me and can't wait to see me. He had previously bought me a ring and the last time i saw him (few months ago) he told me that the ring symbolises that one day he will marry me and how much he loves me. now I can't even ring him as he is uncontactable (there is no ph range where he is) and I need to know it is ok for me to still come over when he gets back - is all already booked and paid and can't be changed (you think he will still let me come? he said i could and that we could go stay somewhere but am worried he will change his mind he is very stubborn. i am hoping so as would be nice to at least have our friendship - he is my best friend) oh and the last thing i heard from him was a msg just before he went out of range saying "Not going to get a chance to talk to you cause we are going striaght to the bay. I know you love me and that you want to be together. You dont need to tell me that. I will try to ring you asap not sure when that will be though." so what I am asking is can a guy be genuine in saying they want a break to be alone and still really love you and hope it works? and can a guy honestly want a break and not be interested in being with anyone else? due to his last msg do you think he really will call? (is hard this whole nc) Thanks for your help guys.
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 You're either together, or you're not. He can't have it both ways and expect you to straddle both camps, waiting around for him to come to a decision. If he asks you to wait for him, that's not reasonable. So you wait, remain faithful for...how long...? Then discover that no, actually, he's fond of you, but moved on. Unfair. You have to tell him that whilst he's out there, and wants to be on his own, that much as it hurts, you accept that, and you consider this breaking up, not a break. Wish him well, but that you have to move on. You're not prepared to be put on a back burner whilst he's so undecided. Ultimatum? You betcha sweet bippy it is. Why should you be held to ransom, though?
Exit Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I've been in this situation before. It's easy to feel like you love a person enough to wait for them, but would you ever do something like this to him? Probably not. He wouldn't need a break from someone he loves. He already has time and space away from you being in the army and even that isn't enough. He may seem genuine with all the nice things he say, but he's just wants to keep you in love with him in case he can't find anything better out there. I agree with Tara, next time you speak you should let him know that you will not be sitting idly by waiting for him. If he wants a break then you have the right to go out and date other guys, etc. If he isn't comfortable with that, then his ultimatum will backfire on him and he will call it off. If he sounds okay that you want to see someone else, then move on.
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