39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 This has already happened a few times. I call a woman for the first time and she answers. We talk around 30 seconds and she says she has to go. She usually gives a reason and says she wants to talk again. What should I say next to make it most likely that we do talk again? Who should make the next call? This is where I get nervous and sound desperate to talk again. I clearly need a new approach.
JustLooking123 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Maybe she's not interested. Maybe she's really busy. Or maybe, she doesn't want to chat on the phone. Don't use the phone as a means to chit-chat; use it to ask her out.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Maybe she's not interested. Maybe she's really busy. Or maybe, she doesn't want to chat on the phone. Don't use the phone as a means to chit-chat; use it to ask her out. Several women have said they wanted to chat on the phone. I want to end the call by asking them out when things feel right. The calls end so quickly (less than 1 minute), that there wouldn't be time anyway if I just wanted to call to ask them out. I need to know what to say in 5-10 seconds when they say they have to go to make sure I at least have a chance. What I'm doing now has failed every time.
MissHollywood Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Why don't you call her and go straight into asking her out? You wouldn't need more than a minute to do that.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Why don't you call her and go straight into asking her out? You wouldn't need more than a minute to do that. We've only exchanged 1-2 short emails and I hardly know her. Wouldn't that be too early? I doubt they would like me starting the call by saying "hello, would you like to go out for coffee at so and so". I'm clearly calling them when they are in the middle of doing something and need a good exit strategy from the call so I have a chance at another.
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Since you are a bit nervous about the whole thing... Call today and leave her a message on her voice mail. Tell her you'd like to take her to dinner (or whatever) on saturday and ask her to call you back by Thursday and let you know . Sure, people get busy on saturdays and she may not be able to go but she will call you back and let you know. If she doesnt call you back, move along. No pride lost. Next time you speak, she may mention it with apologies that she got too busy or not mention it at all. You dont mention it either and life goes on.
MissHollywood Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 We've only exchanged 1-2 short emails and I hardly know her. Wouldn't that be too early? I doubt they would like me starting the call by saying "hello, would you like to go out for coffee at so and so". I'm clearly calling them when they are in the middle of doing something and need a good exit strategy from the call so I have a chance at another. But isn't going out the point of getting to know someone? I know you probably want to talk to her more before asking her out but seeing someone face to face is another way of getting to know them. If you really nervous about jumping the gun, perhaps you can try 2sure's way.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, I want to get to going out. Do most women not want to talk on the phone even a few minutes? I know not to make the calls long and intended to get to asking her out in a few minutes. None of this works if she answers the phone and says "this is not a good time". I'm going to have to learn at some point to know how to respond and respond quickly and calmly. Right now, what comes out sounds desperate and even came out in a not nice tone in one call. I always wish I can take my words back after the call ends.
MissHollywood Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, I want to get to going out. Do most women not want to talk on the phone even a few minutes? I know not to make the calls long and intended to get to asking her out in a few minutes. None of this works if she answers the phone and says "this is not a good time". I'm going to have to learn at some point to know how to respond and respond quickly and calmly. What time did you call her? I like that men call because it shows they're making an effort (since it's been said they don't like to hang on the phone) but I don't like to chat on the phone.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 What time did you call her? I like that men call because it shows they're making an effort (since it's been said they don't like to hang on the phone) but I don't like to chat on the phone. I know most women like this, which is why I do it. Usually it is between 7 and 8:30. I called one at 1pm (I'll never do that again). Yesterday was 8:30 or so. Within seconds they tell me it is a bad time and they will call back later. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut after they say this??? Seems that whatever I say makes it less likely for a call back.
yeex Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 This seems to work for me: When I meet somebody online, if we have more than two or three emails, I think it is obvious she is interested. I suggest in the forth or fifth email (hopefully this is within two weeks of the first email) that we should meet up somewhere. I tell them that I'll call them before hand to set up the details and they usually agree. I say something like "I'll call you Wednesday evening to set up the place and time." That way she is expecting the call and the date is already setup and I am just calling to confirm the details. Really I think they just want to hear your voice to verify you don't sound like a creep instead of trying to chat with a stranger on the phone. Then when I call, I try to chat for a minute or two beforehand with something at least kind of funny or interesting and then set up the rest of the date details with her. Then on the date I get to know her better.
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Within seconds they tell me it is a bad time and they will call back later. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut after they say this??? Yes. When someone tells you "It is Not a Good Time" it is because ...it is not a good time to talk. To continue talking to them after they have said those words....is just wrong. You should say, quickly: OK, Gimmeacallback. And hang up. THATS IT.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Within seconds they tell me it is a bad time and they will call back later. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut after they say this??? Yes. When someone tells you "It is Not a Good Time" it is because ...it is not a good time to talk. To continue talking to them after they have said those words....is just wrong. You should say, quickly: OK, Gimmeacallback. And hang up. THATS IT. And were they to say " I'll talk to you later"? Suppose they end a conversation with a sentence saying they will get back to you but they never do? Do you just call them back, or move on?
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Nope, you dont call back. As much as it is hard to admit, if you don't get a call back - thats your answer. To be honest, when someone is in fact busy they usually dont answer the phone. If they also do not call back... Don't belabor it.
donnamaybe Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 If you don't mind my asking, what was the gist of the conversation those times? What was said?
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Within seconds they tell me it is a bad time and they will call back later. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut after they say this??? Yes. When someone tells you "It is Not a Good Time" it is because ...it is not a good time to talk. To continue talking to them after they have said those words....is just wrong. You should say, quickly: OK, Gimmeacallback. And hang up. THATS IT. Yeah, I don't know when to shut up some of the time. Now that I think back, I wonder how many friends this has cost me. I knew I was saying too much.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 If you don't mind my asking, what was the gist of the conversation those times? What was said? I call and introduce myself. They ask me how are things. I tell them and try to say something funny (maybe a couple sentences) and I'm about to ask them how they are. Before I canask them, they say they have to go and can they call me back. I then say too much asking for the details of the call back. I think I said when I'm available, but said it in a tone sounding like I was desperate for attention. This has repeated itself from previous calls and never have I gotten a call back.
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 LOL. Its ok, live and learn. I have a friend who I swear I could shout into the phone: I am on Fire !! Call 911!! and she would still say:" So...should I call at a better time? Maybe on Tuesday? That reminds me...." I resent it now.
2sure Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 39388. Hmmm. Have to say, and you already know - that whatever your doing, isnt working for you. And it isnt the verbiage of your phone call. Its either who you are meeting or where you are meeting them. Maybe your social skills need some polishing. Nothing to be ashamed of - we all have worked on them at some point.
donnamaybe Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I tell them and try to say something funny (maybe a couple sentences) and I'm about to ask them how they are. Don't go for funny so soon. Go for "interested in her." Question her, but not in an interrogative sort of way, about her likes and interests; what kind of movies, does she like animals, innocuous things like that. Does she like sports? Encourage her to ask questions about you which shows that you are willing to open up and share things about yourself. If an opportunity for a little humor happens upon you, fine. But don't force humor, 'cause it will come across as trying too hard.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 LOL. Its ok, live and learn. I have a friend who I swear I could shout into the phone: I am on Fire !! Call 911!! and she would still say:" So...should I call at a better time? Maybe on Tuesday? That reminds me...." I resent it now. I'm not nearly THAT bad, but I do othen say too much when the other person wants off. 39388. Hmmm. Have to say, and you already know - that whatever your doing, isnt working for you. And it isnt the verbiage of your phone call. Its either who you are meeting or where you are meeting them. Maybe your social skills need some polishing. Nothing to be ashamed of - we all have worked on them at some point. Things sure seemed ok in all the emails up until the call. She suggested in the email I call and talk on the phone and gave her number. Very similar to what's happened with some other women. I definietly sounded nervous on the phone. I didn't detail in the pervious message how much I said at the end, but it was several sentences. It may have been almost half the call. Not only that, but based on how she replied I came off as wanting the call back as soon as possible. I'm clearly going to try the "less is more" approach if she doesn't have time. We'll see what happens.
Author 39388 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Don't go for funny so soon. Go for "interested in her." Question her, but not in an interrogative sort of way, about her likes and interests; what kind of movies, does she like animals, innocuous things like that. Does she like sports? Encourage her to ask questions about you which shows that you are willing to open up and share things about yourself. If an opportunity for a little humor happens upon you, fine. But don't force humor, 'cause it will come across as trying too hard. The funny thing last call just seemed to caoe out naturally, but I do see what you're saying about humor. I was ready to ask about her in a similar way to what you suggested, but that is when she said she had to go.
donnamaybe Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 You said you definitely sounded nervous. That could have given her a clue that you're a little insecure as of yet. Just keep on keepin' on. You'll get better at this stuff!
stace79 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, I want to get to going out. Do most women not want to talk on the phone even a few minutes? I know not to make the calls long and intended to get to asking her out in a few minutes. None of this works if she answers the phone and says "this is not a good time". I'm going to have to learn at some point to know how to respond and respond quickly and calmly. Right now, what comes out sounds desperate and even came out in a not nice tone in one call. I always wish I can take my words back after the call ends. It sounds like you are meeting these women online? If that is the case, and you e-mail a few times, when you get her number just plainly ask when are a couple good times to call. Maybe she tends to work later or have a family dinner or something. If you arrange a "phone date" then you have less risk of her rushing off the phone.
clv0116 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Several women have said they wanted to chat on the phone. I want to end the call by asking them out when things feel right. The calls end so quickly (less than 1 minute), that there wouldn't be time anyway if I just wanted to call to ask them out. I need to know what to say in 5-10 seconds when they say they have to go to make sure I at least have a chance. What I'm doing now has failed every time. It's failing because you're dicking around. It never gets to 'feel right' any more than it already is right. Also, don't ask them out, that's like issuing an ultimatum. Say something like "I'm going to ________ this _________, if you want to join me I think we'd have fun." Something like this says YOU know what you're doing and you'd like to share it with her, not that you're a lost puppy who is putting his plans on hold hoping she'll drop an attention crumb your way. If she says she'll think about it, tell her you'll call back or give your number. If she turns you down, say "Ah well, I guess I'll have all the fun without you then" or something like that. Good luck.
Recommended Posts