Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Most women, if they listen to their instincts v. rationalize them away, know when the time is right which can change per partner. It could be one date, or might never happen at all. Having said that, I would highly recommend that people wait for exclusivity, previous to entering into a physical relationship with anyone.
MrGeorge Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think theres really a pat answser unless your religion frowns upon it outside of marriage. I think it all boils down to the chemistry between the two so its hard to say by which date or if it even happens, Of course I m well its very exciting when it does happen. i loved one of the earlier comments, the haaha, that was funnyl. take care
Jilly Bean Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 So is losing virginity is better at 15 or 18 before someone has any idea who they are? I'm 35 and a virgin now (hoping that changes before I'm 40). I also agree with his timeframe of a couple months of consistent contact. He values sex more by waiting a bit. Why not ask those who sleep with someone they don't know on the 3rd date and end up with some disease? I'm sick of those who start late for whatever reason being attacked. He wasn't being attacked. His comments were being qualified. I think losing one's virginity at 15 or 18 is more the norm and average of a healthy society, than waiting until middle age. Sex is a very normal, healthy, biological urge, and not something the great majority of the population puts off until such a late age. So, I suppose a virgin, or someone who waited until middle age to have sex, would advise waiting months and months, which isn't a very typical timeframe.
neowulf Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Speaking from personal experience here, I tend to like to wait a while before sleeping with a new girl. By holding off on the sex part early on, it gives me a chance to figure how I feel about her and whether or not there's any kind of potential for something more long term. I've seen so many people get themselves cut up over what was suppose to be "causal sex". There's biological evidence that shows the hormonal changes in couples who have sex with each other on a regular basis. Sex leads to bonding. It's how we're built. I'd sooner see the red flags up front and make a call, then start sleeping with a chick only to discover we're incompatiable. That said, I think one of the eariler posters really nailed the point with the comments about what sex means to people. i.e. Sex = Fun, recreation ... doesn't have to lead to anything. Sex = A statement of emotional commitment, bonding. Sex = Duty, responsibiltiy, not fun. Sex is for building a family. Sex = Dirty, unclean, embarrising.. shouldn't be discussed. However a person has been socialised, I believe it's important that the core belief about sex is the same.
z1850 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 The Bible sets absolute moral standards that God expects us to follow. This is what it says: "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body." (1Cor. 6:18) and also: "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind," (1Cor. 6:9) and also: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." (1Cor. 7:2) Enough said.
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I think sex is important in relationships but lets consider birth control for a second..... Birth control (pills/meds) is NOT GOOD for the body. Do your research on it. I think 4 years is a long time to wait for sex and i do think its strange that the guy wouldn't want it by now, but as you say you both are religious and have different views. I think as long as you can stay off it the better. Really the only form of birth control which is not harmful to the body, unless you have allergic reactions to it, is using a condom. (this is not the most effective form of birth control either) IT really is awful how we have to worry about getting prego. Sex is fun, sex is great, but i really think its important to know what type of person your having sexual relations with. There can be a lot of people on here that say "i have not experienced side effects from birth control-however do your scientific research on how it actually affects the body and what is happening to you even though you may not seem to notice it." I myself am cautious of who i date, after the 2nd or 3rd date i don't sleep with a guy. Sometimes I will wait 2 months and by this time i really determine who he is and if its going to become something I will take precautions. I really think your smart for having a committed relationship like this because it really shows the strength and love of the relationship. Sex does not mean everything in a relationship and it won't fulfill it either. Sex only adds and makes the bond between you stronger after having established compatibility that is.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 (1Cor. 7:2) Enough said. As I recall, 1Cor was written by some dude named Paul, whose overall message was extremely sex negative. Or are you suggesting that Paul was God? Spoke FOR God? Spoke TO God? Do tell. And please provide at least some evidence to backup your statement.
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 He wasn't being attacked. His comments were being qualified. I think losing one's virginity at 15 or 18 is more the norm and average of a healthy society, than waiting until middle age. Sex is a very normal, healthy, biological urge, and not something the great majority of the population puts off until such a late age. So, I suppose a virgin, or someone who waited until middle age to have sex, would advise waiting months and months, which isn't a very typical timeframe. We'll have to agree to disagree. You can say waiting until 35 or more is abnormal and I can say starting before 18 is a bad idea. I don't agree with sex before 18 when people are not yet adults. Some people feel that sex should be in the first few meetings. Some feel wait until marriage. Others feel something in between is best. I don't think it's what age you start. I just don't want to share my body with someone I don't know very well and love. Nothing wrong with that.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I just don't want to share my body with someone I don't know very well and love. I'm curious, why do you require love for sex? Are they the same thing?
carhill Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Conventional male wisdom would indicate sexing the woman as rapidly as possible to promote oxytocin production and emotional bonding, if his desire is to keep her around and have more sex with her. The longer he waits, the more likely she is to think and evaluate, risking incompatibility revelations or a change of heart regarding his attractiveness. Interesting that the OP hasn't been back
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'm curious, why do you require love for sex? Are they the same thing? I feel that sex with someone I don't know would cheapen the experience. If the sex is with someone I truly love there would be so much more passion. I feel that sex is a way of experssing love for someone. Maybe I should use the term lovemaking as compared to sex.
carhill Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 IMO, it's critical that one understands their own psychology, as we're all different. I tried sex without emotional involvement and found it hollow. It felt that same way once I had emotional detachment from my wife. Orgasms were empty. Again, we're all different. Conversely, she was just horny and I was a warm dildo; it worked fine for her. The OP is very fortunate they've received a diversity of opinion. I hope it's been helpful
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I feel that sex with someone I don't know would cheapen the experience. Interesting. Why is that?
WineCountry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Interesting. Why is that? Because she values sex as much more than just having "fun" like you? Guys want to get laid quick. What else is new? Third date my A$$. And no..I dont mean he gets my a$$ on the third date. I like sex as much as the next person. But, when I date, im looking for something that will turn into a boyfriend type relationship eventually. So, i dont rush into sex. If the guy doesnt want to wait, no skin off my nose. C-YA. I tell the guy, you want to get laid? Go ahead. Its just not gonna be me you lay. While we are just getting to know each other, he can do what he wants. Im not his girl, and hes not my man. If we date and then decide we are compatible and feel like we want to turn it into something exclusive, then we can do the deed. And I dont know that after a lousy three dates. How many will it take? Depends. But it wont be three. But hey, that's just me.
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Interesting. Why is that? I believe sex with somone I don't know is mainly a physical experience. If it is with someone I love, it is both a physical and emotional experience. Add in that there are a lot of risks with sex (diseases and such) and I only want to do it with someone I love. I also agree with Carhill's post.
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Because she values sex as much more than just having "fun" like you? Guys want to get laid quick. What else is new? Third date my A$$. And no..I dont mean he gets my a$$ on the third date. I like sex as much as the next person. But, when I date, im looking for something that will turn into a boyfriend type relationship eventually. So, i dont rush into sex. If the guy doesnt want to wait, no skin off my nose. C-YA. I tell the guy, you want to get laid? Go ahead. Its just not gonna be me you lay. While we are just getting to know each other, he can do what he wants. Im not his girl, and hes not my man. If we date and then decide we are compatible and feel like we want to turn it into something exclusive, then we can do the deed. And I dont know that after a lousy three dates. How many will it take? Depends. But it wont be three. But hey, that's just me. I'm a guy BTW. Not all guys want quick sex. I want quality over quantity and that would be with a woman I'm completely in love with.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I believe sex with somone I don't know is mainly a physical experience. If it is with someone I love, it is both a physical and emotional experience. I agree. My followup question to you therefore is WHY is having "mainly a physical experience" a bad thing?
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Because she values sex as much more than just having "fun" like you? Perhaps you should let her speak for herself. I don't mind people on internet forums answering questions that weren't asked to them, heck I do it all the time, however I answer for myself, not for someone else. I like sex as much as the next person. No, you don't. You may claim you do, hell you may even believe it, but you don't. Because if you did, you'd be having sex for the sake of having sex, because you enjoy it and for no other reason. However, you are using it as both a test and a weapon. If we date and then decide we are compatible and feel like we want to turn it into something exclusive, then we can do the deed. You require exclusivity to have sex? I thought you said you liked it?
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I agree. My followup question to you therefore is WHY is having "mainly a physical experience" a bad thing? It is not necessarily a bad thing for everybody. I choose not to do it with someone I've just met. I'd rather reserve sex for a very special woman. I'd rather find a woman I truly love before doing it.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'd rather find a woman I truly love before doing it. At the risk of being redundant, again I ask why? I totally understand looking for love, but while you are doing so, why not enjoy yourself in the process?
39388 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 At the risk of being redundant, again I ask why? I totally understand looking for love, but while you are doing so, why not enjoy yourself in the process? You can have a child from having sex. You can spread diseases by having sex. Sure there are methods of protection, but it is not 100%. I'm not taking that risk with someone I don't know well. I'm nothing close to a wait till marriage person either. Once I'm in love and trust her, then the fun will be well worth it.
Jilly Bean Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 We'll have to agree to disagree. You can say waiting until 35 or more is abnormal and I can say starting before 18 is a bad idea. I don't agree with sex before 18 when people are not yet adults. Some people feel that sex should be in the first few meetings. Some feel wait until marriage. Others feel something in between is best. I don't think it's what age you start. I just don't want to share my body with someone I don't know very well and love. Nothing wrong with that. Statistically, globally, the average age that people lose their virginity is 17, so yes, waiting until 35 or older is highly abnormal and atypical. This isn't a moral argument - it's the sheer statistics reflecting that someone waiting this long, is waiting about twice the average age, which makes it highly unusual.
carhill Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'm pretty sure the OP wasn't asking how old one is/was when they lost their virginity, rather how long they date someone before becoming sexual. If you wish to correlate the two, perhaps there are some statistics out there making such relative inferences.
Jilly Bean Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'm pretty sure the OP wasn't asking how old one is/was when they lost their virginity, rather how long they date someone before becoming sexual. If you wish to correlate the two, perhaps there are some statistics out there making such relative inferences. Yes, the correlation is pretty obvious. Those that have lost their virginity on a more normal timeframe, aren't waiting months of dating to have sex. Whereas those who are still virgins past the age of 35 would naturally NOT be jumping into bed too soon.
carhill Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Why would you say that? Not having the experience, you have no frame of reference to examine the psychology of it. I'm genuinely curious.
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