wierdmunky Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Would another word for (if there might be such a thing as) self-defeating altruism be doormat?
blind_otter Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Labelling can be a bad thing, I think. Especially when you use words that have negative conotations, like "doormat."
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think that anyone, not even Mother Teresa, is altruistic, in its purest sense. A doormat does things to please others, due to fear of loss, fear of anger, a desire to please since it makes the other person like them and also to make themselves feel good about themselves.
Taramere Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Would another word for (if there might be such a thing as) self-defeating altruism be doormat? I'm with Otter on the labelling thing. Some people will take another person's altruism and twist it to suit their own egotistical purposes - with the result that someone who's done them a kindness is made to look like a sucker who's fallen for their mad "skillz" and wiles. Example, this girl I worked with for a bit when I was travelling years ago. She'd spent a bit of time working for a racing stable in Australia. Her dad had got sick, and her employers had paid for her to take a first class ticket home to visit him. Now to me, this would be "best bosses in the world". I think that's a fantastic and very kind gesture for an employer to make. How did she perceive it? "It's the Oirish accent. Turns everyone into putty." It might seem a little thing, but it's these little things that clue you into a person's mentality. Help you differentiate between life's con artists who aren't happy unless they feel they're conning/manipulating/charming the good stuff out of others - and more genuine people who can actually recognise and give a bit of credit for other people's qualities. If I hear someone refer to another person as being a doormat, I'll tend to react by making a mental note to not go out of my way for that person. I with TBF that people may have all kinds of reasons underlying their altruism. Presuming those reasons are relatively harmless ones (wanting to be liked, getting a kick out of making other people happy, approval/validation seeking) then it seems very unclassy to repay another person's kindness with insulting terminology like "doormat".
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