BuckWildLady Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for a year an a half, and i know that this past experience with him happened like 4 years ago and 2 before he even met me but okay well first off is this weird the girl he had sex with and just once is always at thanksgiving and christmas because his dads brother got married and its her sisters daughter are they related? Thats the number one thing that freaks me out and that shes always around and she has no idea i know but she always flirts with him and he never does anything back but i keep visualizing them and i cant stop i have tried talking to my sisters and then i saw this forum and i know i need to get over it and i want to be with him and not let this come between us but i dont know how to get over it and it has been ruining my whole weekend like i just recently saw her at a family function but prior we hadn't seen her since thanksgiving so i was fine but now all these emotions are re-hatched... please help
Author BuckWildLady Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Not by blood but do you still consider them cousins?
lora22 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Um no, if they were cousins they would be related by blood. In fact, I don't think they're even the "removed" kind of cousin....because they literally do not have any common blood relatives. I don't know how your bf and this girl were raised, but if they were for some reason raised as cousins, I guess I can see where you might feel uncomfortable because you consider them "cousins"...but you made it sound as though this marriage was a more recent thing by saying that his dad's brother got married.
Author BuckWildLady Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 yea sorry if i made it sound recent its not the were raised together since young kids and when talking to other family member they call them cousins thats why i was confused..... would you still let this bother you and interfere with your relationship?
lora22 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I guess it would depend on how they were raised. The fact that other family members call them cousins wouldn't bother me (although I would find it creepy if they knew your bf and that girl slept together and they still called them cousins). I know of at least two situations where close family friends call their kids "cousins" even though they are in no way related (not even vaguely through marriage); on the other hand, none of these kids were raised together as family. I don't know the exact situation you're talking about, but probably in general if they only see each other twice a year, they don't feel like family or like they're that close. Even if you take the "family" connection out of the equation, I can understand how it would make you uncomfortable or jealous that your bf spends every Christmas and Thanksgiving with a girl he slept with. How do they act toward each other now?
Author BuckWildLady Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Like nothing ever happened on his part but she is always really touchy and on thanksgiving last year when i stepped out of the room she tried to kiss him, his real cousin told me because he knows how i feel about the situation... this past time she like hugged him and kissed him on the check and said i love you.... really weird to me, he didn't say it back but it really makes me crazy jealous and i really loathe this girl... and i don't know if i should just drop it or should i confront her if she does something that bothers me or if that would cause conflict or move on to another guy that has no weird family stuff i mean i'm his 4th girl ever to sleep with and he is 26 so i find that rare and i'm kinda jealous girlfriend so i don't know i'm pretty sure i'm lucky that there's only been 3 others ....
lora22 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 No matter what the situation is, jealousy is an unattractive quality, as is creating drama. If you don't want to put yourself in that light (jealous, dramatic), you shouldn't say anything to this other girl. The person you should be talking to is your bf. Figure out why you're jealous and what can be done about it. If you trust your bf, this shouldn't be a problem. Hugs and kisses on the cheek are normal hello/goodbye gestures between family and friends, and they're also normal and acceptable friendly gestures of affection between family and friends.
bean1 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, it's weird. It happens. My SO used to date a girl in high school (now in their 30's). He had a single parent, she had a single parent. Well, single dad met single mom at a dinner together and fell in love ... with each other So yes, my SO's ex-girlfriend is now his step-sister. STRANGE. Luckily, a good 15 years in between makes it less freaky. I heard it was unpleasant at the time. So, my SO's former ex is at our family dinners, will be at our wedding, and we go over to visit (after all, we have a neice now! She got married a few years ago). I know my situation is not the same as yours but I know a bit more about what you are going through than the average person. She may just be friendly, doubt it's flirty.
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