jj33 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Seems to me that there are all sorts of behaviors that we engage in when essentially we are hiding. for example staying in a relationshp that makes us unhappy because maybe one day it will be what we want it to be (which is often the case on this board in particular) Or we hang onto the idea of a great love even tho objectively its just not that great and perhaps we are the only ones that dont see that... What are we hiding from? The idea that we are alone or that we need to be open to other alternatives or that someone does not love us the way we love them. I look at my own situation and think that by staying in such close touch with xMM I was hiding from my future - its a future I have feared and so I have done whatever I could to put off the day that I would need to face it alone.... But I thinkpeoople frequently do that subsconciously Does anyone else see themselves hiding in their role in the A or that being in the A allows them to hide? from loneliness, from a bad marriage from ???
StoptheDrama Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Being in my A helped me hide from my loneliness...now I get to spend numerous hours a day hiding from my sadness...fortunately that's only Monday through Friday and some day (hopefully very soon) it will end...
Soaked Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Good question JJ, I asked myself awhile ago about it.. but I didn't have an answer, maybe it's because I was in too long and lost myself... Now to look back, I know back then I was afraid of loosing exMM even I was unhappy in the relationship but I was afraid of loosing him. I think maybe I was afraid of/hiding from the unknown. Hiding from the truth, I didn't want to admit after all my "true love" is not the person I thought he is.
ChefJan Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Hi JJ33 ~ I have read many of your posts and replies, to many. I am glad to reply to this particular one. I do not see myself in this particular regard. I have not , nor will I ever find myself "hiding", not in this lifetime. I do not post often, but read alot, learn alot , mostly because the majority are intelligent people and some are rude, crude and abusive, because of that , I have not told my story. I have come here to find solace and comfort. I am expecting you to bash me now because I am stepping out and speaking my mind on your concept of "hiding", do we, or do we not?? I do not.......... Respectfully, Cheffie
White Flower Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Hi JJ33 ~ I have read many of your posts and replies, to many. I am glad to reply to this particular one. I do not see myself in this particular regard. I have not , nor will I ever find myself "hiding", not in this lifetime. I do not post often, but read alot, learn alot , mostly because the majority are intelligent people and some are rude, crude and abusive, because of that , I have not told my story. I have come here to find solace and comfort. I am expecting you to bash me now because I am stepping out and speaking my mind on your concept of "hiding", do we, or do we not?? I do not.......... Respectfully, Cheffie I won't bash you. Yet I see irony in the fact that you've hidden your story because of crude and abusive behavior. Don't! Share your story and ignore the bashers. The worst that can happen is you'll have to click their button to ignore. You can even start over with a whole new username if you have to, but please share you story. You came here for a reason. Tell us.
White Flower Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Seems to me that there are all sorts of behaviors that we engage in when essentially we are hiding. for example staying in a relationshp that makes us unhappy because maybe one day it will be what we want it to be (which is often the case on this board in particular) Or we hang onto the idea of a great love even tho objectively its just not that great and perhaps we are the only ones that dont see that... What are we hiding from? The idea that we are alone or that we need to be open to other alternatives or that someone does not love us the way we love them. I look at my own situation and think that by staying in such close touch with xMM I was hiding from my future - its a future I have feared and so I have done whatever I could to put off the day that I would need to face it alone.... But I thinkpeoople frequently do that subsconciously Does anyone else see themselves hiding in their role in the A or that being in the A allows them to hide? from loneliness, from a bad marriage from ??? I haven't noticed any hiding behavior in myself, but it was the feeling of being hidden that made me want out of the A. I'm not sure which is worse, being hidden by a MM or being hidden by yourself.
norajane Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I haven't noticed any hiding behavior in myself, but it was the feeling of being hidden that made me want out of the A. I'm not sure which is worse, being hidden by a MM or being hidden by yourself. Were you hiding, perhaps, from the end of your marriage? An affair can distract you from facing an intolerable situation, or from taking action to get out of it. For me, when I was cheating, I was avoiding facing up to the fact that my relationship with my fiance was done and I really needed to just end it. Had it not been for the excitement and distraction of my affair, I would have left much sooner because I wouldn't have been able to stand it anymore. When I was OW, I was avoiding facing or even noticing that I had intimacy issues. It was easy to not notice because I believed I would have been able to achieve the kind of intimacy needed in a committed relationship...but...somewhere inside, I may have known that belief would never be tested since MM wasn't actually available to me fully yet. I could fool myself into thinking I was all in, when really, I wasn't and I was only as in as I could really manage at that point in my life.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think I've ever been one to hide. In my own failed M previously, I was very open and leaned on family and friends for support. In my R I didn't set out to be with a MM and didn't know it, so I can't say that had to do with hiding either. He never kept me hidden anyways. I think that s*** happens and we are just left to find reason in chaos. If you feel that's what you were doing, then you very well may have been. You also just might have been in love with an unavailable man during a vulnerable part of your life. And sometimes we just need to realize we make poor choices. I wish you peace. GEL
MistyK Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 That's an interesting question. I resented the fact of being hidden by my MM, but at the same time I didn't want people beyond my closest friends to know that I was dating a MM. I hoped that eventually our A would be somehow validated if we ended up together and rode off into the sunset, but like some other posters, it occurs to me that I have some intimacy issues. I suppose I have dealt with the situation for so long because I am afraid to really reveal myself to others. I've been betrayed a lot by friends and family and maybe this was my way of keeping myself hidden and theoreticaly "safe". I think though that we all do ourselves a great disservice by hiding our real selves.
OWoman Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Hiding is not my style. When I was a small kid, I never wanted to play Hide and Seek because I had this crazy thought, "what if you hid and no one came to find you?" I'm not someone that easily blends into the background. They were a lifestyle choice at the time, and one I've moved on from as my circumstances, needs and desires have changed. I don't think I was hiding, avoiding or missing anything during that time - it suited me then, as this suits me now.
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