Smack Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I got married almost 9 years ago. Shortly after being married we discovered I was pregnant and he wasn't too happy about it and had seem to completly change his ways towards me. I wasn't trying to get pregnant nor did we try not to. It was a "WE" thing. 6 months after this his mother wanted to have our "wedding" in his home town for his family and friends to be able to witness our vows since we had a short ceremony in the base we were both stationed at out of state where we live. I didn't get to have any say in the planning, I was more like the puppet in the show. At the ceremony, he had ignored me, danced with his ex's whom weren't pregnant, and I felt so unpretty and desired on what was supposed to be "our" special day. What I thought would be a passionate, love, and emotional bond was more like a building on fire. I was confused because he had said he wanted a family and a marriage but didn't seem to embrace it at all. We were both ambitious individuals but after having kids I gave a lot up to raise them but he seemed to spend longer hours at work and not really included me in anything. He completly alien nated from his life. We tired counseling, talking, even writing letters to one another. Nothing seemed to work. He seemed to take his anger a lot out on the kids and myself and things just grew from there. He even had a vesectomy despite my feelings against it. That devestated me bveyond repair. I had convinced myself that he must have never cared or loved me. We've been growing apart for sometime and I was falling apart inside. What makes matters worse is when I tell him I want out and that we should part, he handles it but ignoring our problems and wanting to continue life this way. I told him I wanted a seperation and his response was, "what car are you wanting?" 18 months after that as I had planned and was ready to move back to my homestate, I met a man who was a friend and someone who had offered to help me get moved in since I was driving across state with (3) little ones. My husband had found out and then through a fit. Financially unable to support myself and our kids, I had no choice but to move back in with him and try another plan. The male friend has tried to contact me but I want nothing to do with him because I want space for myself but my husband looks at the records of him calling me and yells at me for it. He blames me for everything despite how we got here in the first place. I just want out and I am tired of this nightmare. I don't want to take him from the kids, I just want him out of MY personal life! Am I selfish? or does someone out there have any advice?
Girlygal Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Get out first of all, but not to another state. Taking those kids far away from their daddy without talking to him about it is NOT a good idea, unless there is some sort of abuse you are trying to escape. If there is abuse, then go to a shelter this minute, do not waste your time typing pack and go. If there is no abuse and you are simply tired of the relationship then you need to man up, get a job get a place of your own that is local and get on your own two feet. There is no law saying you must stay in an unhappy relationship. 9 years is a long time and if you have tried all of the steps of counseling then there simply may not be any more road to go down. A bit of independence may just get that spark back in your life!
mark982 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 smack,it's time to move on. like op said get a job,to help yourself.don't you think your kids are unhappy w/ all the yelling?
Recommended Posts