rosboy Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I went to my girlfriend house yesterday to see if we could talk about our realtionship. She told me that after 6 years we were going no where and wants it over with. She told me that no one else was onvolved and thta she has had weeks of torment thinking about us. She lived one end of the coutry and me the other. We did see quite a bit of each other and had a great realtionship. When I got to her house she was not so I ha a key and let myself in. To my shock,horror and surprise was all the pictures she had of me were taken down and there was a new pciture of some man she has been seeing for the last 3 weeks. Gobsmacked or what! I did not know what to do- not only that her interent was on and there were messages from her new lover talking about the great weekend they had with each other-can you believe this. She came in whilst i was there and I told and asked her what all this was about- she just looked at me and said its over and I wish i told you earlier but she has a new man... I am so sick about it-can anyone give me some advice to make me feel better?
Exit Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 She just isn't worth feeling bad over. After six years she felt "the relationship was going nowhere"? Where exactly was the relationship was supposed to be going? After 6 years, things aren't going to feel "fresh" and "exciting" all the time. You either commit to someone or you don't. Obviously she wanted to feel that excitement of someone new again. After six years, it was that easy for her to tear down pictures of you and replace them with someone else. Why waste your time feeling bad about that. I know it can be painful and confusing and you don't want to believe that she really feels this way about someone else, but obviously she does. Stop contacting her. Walk away and leave it up to fate to let her figure out that she made a mistake. Talking to her or trying to convince her right now will just make things worse. Were you on opposite ends of the country DURING your relationship? Or only when you first met? If this was a long distance relationship, well some people just can't commit to that.
Mike B. Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I am sorry this happened. I know you must feel terrible. You have my sympathy. It sound like you surprised her though but that is besides the point. The only thing and best thing that will make you feel better most quickly is to cut off all contact with her. That is popular around here because it works! It is tough and you will have stuff floating around your head for a moment but you are going to feel so much better soon. Long distance relationships have been tough since the beginning of time and they always will be. Cut off contact with her now. Go to your home and take down all of her pictures as well and pack all of the items she has given you throughout the course of the relationship into a box and place it in the furthest region of your attic or basement. No need to keep reminders of the pain in plain view. You can always go back to view the items when you are over the tough part. Good luck and I hope you feel much better soon!
Author rosboy Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 She just isn't worth feeling bad over. After six years she felt "the relationship was going nowhere"? Where exactly was the relationship was supposed to be going? After 6 years, things aren't going to feel "fresh" and "exciting" all the time. You either commit to someone or you don't. Obviously she wanted to feel that excitement of someone new again. After six years, it was that easy for her to tear down pictures of you and replace them with someone else. Why waste your time feeling bad about that. I know it can be painful and confusing and you don't want to believe that she really feels this way about someone else, but obviously she does. Stop contacting her. Walk away and leave it up to fate to let her figure out that she made a mistake. Talking to her or trying to convince her right now will just make things worse. Were you on opposite ends of the country DURING your relationship? Or only when you first met? If this was a long distance relationship, well some people just can't commit to that. Hi Exit-thank you for your reply. We were together for 6 years and she felt that I was not committed but in fact was. I loved the women-she told earlier in the year about plans that I had for her and if I was buying a house. I told her that I was buying my old house back from my ex but it had taken time to get her to move to a sensible price-I also did not want to tell her that I was going to ask for hand in marriage and the day I asked was the day she said our relationship had run its course but she had given it a lot of thought-I believed that she had taken time to sit down and work it out but t appears she met someone else and it seems he has had a influence on her in a very subtle way= like if you want to have a relationship with me you need to lose the old one-words like that so of course it made her feel a little easier to dump me and meet him after they had already been sleeping together-not nice is it!
Author rosboy Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I am sorry this happened. I know you must feel terrible. You have my sympathy. It sound like you surprised her though but that is besides the point. The only thing and best thing that will make you feel better most quickly is to cut off all contact with her. That is popular around here because it works! It is tough and you will have stuff floating around your head for a moment but you are going to feel so much better soon. Long distance relationships have been tough since the beginning of time and they always will be. Cut off contact with her now. Go to your home and take down all of her pictures as well and pack all of the items she has given you throughout the course of the relationship into a box and place it in the furthest region of your attic or basement. No need to keep reminders of the pain in plain view. You can always go back to view the items when you are over the tough part. Good luck and I hope you feel much better soon! Thank you that's sound advice-I just don't want to be in this position as it hurts greatly especially since you love someone as I did her. I think I should sit back and see what happens. The strange thing is and help me on this -is that I am willing to forgive her and get moving on together and put it down to maybe some sort of crisis-how many women just dump someone but a month before start advertising on dating website-Match.com to find someone else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what do you think
norajane Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 She lost interest in you before she actually ended your relationship. It had been building for a long time. 6 years is a long time to be long distance, and if she felt you weren't serious about commitment and moving to be together, then it's not unusual that she would get tired of that and would want someone who is in her city and she could be with any time. It's hard on you and it hurts, but it sounds like she already made the decision long before she told you about it. Don't waste your time hoping she comes back. If her new guy turns out to be a dud, she might get lonely and contact you...but...do you really want to be her fall-back guy if she does?
Author rosboy Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 She lost interest in you before she actually ended your relationship. It had been building for a long time. 6 years is a long time to be long distance, and if she felt you weren't serious about commitment and moving to be together, then it's not unusual that she would get tired of that and would want someone who is in her city and she could be with any time. It's hard on you and it hurts, but it sounds like she already made the decision long before she told you about it. Don't waste your time hoping she comes back. If her new guy turns out to be a dud, she might get lonely and contact you...but...do you really want to be her fall-back guy if she does? Thanks Norajane- No I don't want to be her fallback guy but would have liked to think that after 6 years I could have given her something back for loyalty-although I hear what you are saying. Its just that I loved her so much and really wanted to be with her but for 6 years I guess not a lot happened and maybe I should have made that commitment although somehting stopped me-I guess. Do you think I should have told her that I would keep the door open for her-it was the last thing i said!
BCCA Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Truth be told, in my experiences, this is what a lot of women do. They have doubt, but instead of ending things right then and there, they drag it out until they have someone else. That way, she doesnt have to be alone at all, and there is no 'getting over you' time. Im sorry to hear about this, but at least you dont have to wonder anymore.
norajane Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Do you think I should have told her that I would keep the door open for her-it was the last thing i said! No, why would you keep the door open for someone who dumped you and is immediately seeing someone else? But, it really doesn't matter. Even if she contacts you, you can always change your mind about the open door and just tell her you're no longer interested.
Author rosboy Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 No, why would you keep the door open for someone who dumped you and is immediately seeing someone else? But, it really doesn't matter. Even if she contacts you, you can always change your mind about the open door and just tell her you're no longer interested. Yes you are right-I don't know what I was saying-i guess it was the emotion of the moment-I suppose I will have to wait and see-but it is so hard-tinged with hurt is anger and I don't know why! I loved the woman
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