shadowplay Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Sam, don't feel bad. I mean, I'm not all that attracted to certain types of men, especially the "tall, dark, and handsome" type that other girls love, like George Clooney or Orlando Bloom. That doesn't mean I think they're ugly; for example, some of the best looking guys I've seen were that type. Agreed. Sam's comment was tactless, but I don't think he meant it the way Meagan took it. It's possible to not be personally attracted to a body type yet acknowledge that there is nothing objectively wrong with it. I'm attracted to a whole host of races (white, black, south asian, middle eastern, south asian and white south american guys), but for whatever reason east asian and heavily native-american latino guys rarely do it for me. I don't think there's anything unattractive about them per se; they just don't tend to arouse me on a purely physical level. I also know that there are many women who love guys with these looks, so my individual taste doesn't mean much. there are also many male models who leave me cold, while tons of girls would probably kill to date them. who cares?
Isolde Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I just feel bad that Meagan is digging herself in self pity, deeper and deeper. Though I don't sympathize with Meagan's particular thought pattern, ie, blaming others for her issues and oversimplifying, I'm reminded in some ways of how I felt when I was in my early teens. That was a horrible time in my life. I had a bad self esteem, didn't understand what my strong points were, and based everything upon external factors, ie, what others thought.
Kamille Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Just read a couple of articles that stipulates that there might be a basis to some of the life experiences here, but none so bad as what Meagan describes. In one study of preferences after a round of speed dating: Participants were then asked to rate their dates' attractiveness. White women were rated as more attractive, but only by a .4 increase over black women. Asian women, much to my surprise, were the ones who were rated lower on the attractiveness scale. The study also monitored for perceived intelligence, and though the author stipulated it was less important then looks when it came to initial attraction, it contributed to participant's desire to ask the women out on dates. Another study says that men of any race are more likely then women to want to date outside their race (unlike Sam Spade ). In spite of this, 94% of blacks (pulled out of a sample of the 2000 US census) are married to other blacks, which suggests that black men do overwhelmingly prefer black women as long term partners. So my final verdict remains the same Meagan: accept what you cannot change, put the mirror down and focus on making your life as interesting as you can. Someone will come along while you're out enjoying your life, not while your being miserable about the things you cannot change. Because, ps, we've all been rejected by men we find attractive, no matter what our skin color is.
Iced Mocha Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Megan Raye, when you're dressed cutely you get lots of looks right? And from women also, which means you are definantly looking good! Who were these men? Where white guys are noticing you? Were black guys? Both? So you are attractive to both races aren't you? And this is with your CURRENT skin colour. ^_^
zicke Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I have to say that Megan has a true gripe about black culture. It is common knowledge that lighter skinned blacks are considered "more" attractive than darker skinned, and this is primarily prevalent in America. (And, females are the primary targets). It's a culture thing, and in black America, it is very present. It is a culture thing. For example, Beyonce is lauded as a beauty, while Grace Jones is an oddity. Blonde haired blue eyed women with big boobies are considered an ideal, and the minute a white woman dyes her hair blonde, she WILL notice the amount of times she gets hit on go up substantially. I've actually tried this myself, as a brunette, attention, but as a blonde..at minimum 1000% more attention. It was so odd to me. How am I different other than hair color??? I've decided to go darker, because, and Megan, listen to this, the attention I was getting was the "wrong" attention. It was annoying, and I felt like I was on "display" the entire time. I was attracting people (men) who were really only about the "arm candy" and NOT about getting to know me, Zicke. Now, darker, I am not getting as much attention, but, I think I can deal with that. LOL. You will be fine, and I promise you, you will find a man who will think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, insecurities and all. Why try to attract men who really are only superficial? What happens when you are 70? Think about it.
BoredPerson Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Well I think looks matter a lot. I am very lonely because I am ugly and no woman wants to date me who is attractive because they are rightly interested in all of the lovely attractive young men. I have a good job and a career but I am not a special high flyer like what the girls want which is a man who works on wall street. I continue my education and will advance my career as much as possible but women only want it right now; a man with instant success or good looks. I am very sad when I walk around and see a lot of young attractive women. I don't even care if they will offer me sex not for 6 months or 1 year I just want someone who will be my special friend and let me hug and kiss her but no one ever will because I am ugly. A lot of people here are mean and act like bullies so be careful because if you do not join their little group and agree with what they say they will call you a troll. They're very mean and nasty people who have their own issues. Probably some of them are overweight because of eating McDonalds and that makes them angry even though they could just stop eating McDonals and the problem would stop. So yes looks do matter a lot and I do want to be better looking so that way some girl would want to love me and find me attractive for a change, for once in my life.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Megan Raye, when you're dressed cutely you get lots of looks right? And from women also, which means you are definantly looking good! Who were these men? Where white guys are noticing you? Were black guys? Both? So you are attractive to both races aren't you? And this is with your CURRENT skin colour. ^_^ I really don't know honestly. There is not a lot of interracial dating here. I've had some white men be attracted to me but I've never counted. They seem to stick with their own race, everyone does where I live. Just quite a bit of colorism in the African American community
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I have to say that Megan has a true gripe about black culture. It is common knowledge that lighter skinned blacks are considered "more" attractive than darker skinned, and this is primarily prevalent in America. (And, females are the primary targets). It's a culture thing, and in black America, it is very present. It is a culture thing. For example, Beyonce is lauded as a beauty, while Grace Jones is an oddity. Blonde haired blue eyed women with big boobies are considered an ideal, and the minute a white woman dyes her hair blonde, she WILL notice the amount of times she gets hit on go up substantially. I've actually tried this myself, as a brunette, attention, but as a blonde..at minimum 1000% more attention. It was so odd to me. How am I different other than hair color??? I've decided to go darker, because, and Megan, listen to this, the attention I was getting was the "wrong" attention. It was annoying, and I felt like I was on "display" the entire time. I was attracting people (men) who were really only about the "arm candy" and NOT about getting to know me, Zicke. Now, darker, I am not getting as much attention, but, I think I can deal with that. LOL. You will be fine, and I promise you, you will find a man who will think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, insecurities and all. Why try to attract men who really are only superficial? What happens when you are 70? Think about it. It makes me incredibly angry though. I would never hang around a girl who is significantly lighter than me and attractive, I'd NEVER get any attention. That is just how black guys are. Even if she were average, I'd never get noticed. They seem to be friendly to lighterskin girls and want to be around them more. Even at the urban clothing stores at the mall, they hire a lot of lightskin girls to work tehre, I guess it attracts a lot of black guys. I have a lovehate relationship with black men. Sometimes I can't stand them because they are so prejudiced. I have to try so hard
Cherished Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Well it depends on what men you are wanting to want to date you. If you are expecting all super handsome men, yet you are ruling out the "average Joe" men who would treat you like gold, then you are a hypocrite and you say "well I'm not attracted to those men, I can't help that.' So Megan, there are a LOT of men who will see you as an Anjelina Jolie or Kate Beckinsale but they may come in the "average Joe" looking package. Are you willing to accept a man who is not necessarily so handsome or good looking in YOUR eyes and fall in love with him and give HIM a shot? If not, then you are, like I said, a hypocrite. Are you willing to give it some time to realize the inner qualities of the GUY even though the first or 2nd meeting you feel no spark? Because you might have to open your heart and your mind to growing to love the inner qualities YOURSELF.
sb129 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I have said it before on your threads MR, and I am going to say it again. Love and attraction are about MORE than looks. My H and I met on a blind date after internet dating. The sparks were instant because we clicked so well on a personal level. And right now, while I am pregnant and feeling pretty unattractive (more junk in my trunk AND a big belly) my H thinks I am hotter than ever.
Cherished Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Do you get what I'm saying, Megan? I mean, basically you are saying there are a lot of guys who are not attracted to you, which is a shame, because they would be your type if they were attracted. So you feel snubbed when these men who are not attracted to you do not go out of their way to kiss your ass and open doors for you, etc, and treat you like a queen. Really, what about those guys you see on the street or out and about who you just don't find attractive? Do you go out of your way to kiss THEIR asses? Just because you are so nice of a woman, you believe that ALL men, whether you find them attractive and datable, or NOT, you should be so super nice and sweet and give them all sorts of attention like you are expecting from ALL men, whether they find you their type or not? So are you going to give those Average Joe men who don't turn your head on the street whatsover, a chance, even though there is no spark there initially and learn to love them for their inner qualities???? Please think long and hard before you answer these questions. Seriously.
WineCountry Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Wine, as a lightskin woman, have you ever been in a relationship with a black guy who always talked bad about dark women? did it bother you? Honestly Megan, I try to avoid black guys that seem like that. So no, I have never dated a black guy who said crap like that. And any one I HAVE heard say stuff like that I instantly disliked. Most people around me know that i dont go for hearing stuff like that, so it's never put in my face like that. Do you find that hard to believe, because i'm lightskinned myself? You would have to know me. I am VERY hard on blacks like that, and I have no time or respect for them. Like I said, anyone blacks who feel like that are weak and should be.....never mind. My views can be harsh on stuff like that..too harsh to be said in mixed company, if you know what I mean. Megan, to me you should NOT try to appease men like that. Guys like that have some deep seeded issues about themselves. You may not think so, hell they may not even think so, but they do. You have to learn that it's THEM, not YOU.
sb129 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Meagan, there's no hope for you so you might as well accept that you'll be single your entire life unless you save up for the 10 billion cosmetic surgeries, necessary to make you smoking hawt to your target audience. You have to learn that it's THEM, not YOU. Not sure I totally agree with the above statement- Meagan certainly has a few issues of her own that she would do well to improve on.
Samari Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 It makes me incredibly angry though. I would never hang around a girl who is significantly lighter than me and attractive, I'd NEVER get any attention. That is just how black guys are. Even if she were average, I'd never get noticed. They seem to be friendly to lighterskin girls and want to be around them more. Even at the urban clothing stores at the mall, they hire a lot of lightskin girls to work tehre, I guess it attracts a lot of black guys. I have a lovehate relationship with black men. Sometimes I can't stand them because they are so prejudiced. I have to try so hard Then date outside your race. Problem solved.
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 When I look good, men are nicer to me, I have more value, I feel respected and like I mean something to the world. They smile at me, ask me how I am doing, open doors for me, etc Back when I was ugly, guys would ignore me, it was like I didn't even exist. If they could they would walk right through me. They don't speak, don't make eye contact, a lot of men are like this to women who are not very attractive. I think they are programmed to be this way. They are only gentleman, and show respect to women they think are good looking. I know this is the case You place your self worth in the hands of others - and in your case only MEN - and that is wrong. You should never look to others to feel good about yourself. You should have self worth regardless of what anyone else thinks. You seem to have "daddy issues" or something along those lines. It is disturbing.
WineCountry Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Not sure I totally agree with the above statement- Meagan certainly has a few issues of her own that she would do well to improve on. She may very well have. But, for THIS thread, im talking about black guys who only want to date lightskinned or white women. When it comes to THAT specifically, it's THEM who have the issue.
sb129 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Sure. But the original post was in relation to "Looks do matter". Add this to all the other pity party threads MeaganRaye starts, and we are starting to get a picture of her state of mind. The race issue was brought up later.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Well it depends on what men you are wanting to want to date you. If you are expecting all super handsome men, yet you are ruling out the "average Joe" men who would treat you like gold, then you are a hypocrite and you say "well I'm not attracted to those men, I can't help that.' So Megan, there are a LOT of men who will see you as an Anjelina Jolie or Kate Beckinsale but they may come in the "average Joe" looking package. Are you willing to accept a man who is not necessarily so handsome or good looking in YOUR eyes and fall in love with him and give HIM a shot? If not, then you are, like I said, a hypocrite. Are you willing to give it some time to realize the inner qualities of the GUY even though the first or 2nd meeting you feel no spark? Because you might have to open your heart and your mind to growing to love the inner qualities YOURSELF. The type of guys I like don't have to look like they are straight out of a GQ magazine but they have to be attractive to me. Could I fall for a guy that I have no physical attraction to at all? Simply no. I can't. I'm sure other people can, but I couldn't. I'd always resent him for not being what I wanted. I tried that before, I dated a guy who was very handsome but he was "short" and I was never happy with him. I used to wish he was taller. It did take me awhile to get comfortable with him not being tall, but even when I did, I was never happy and I never fell in love with him
Isolde Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 The type of guys I like don't have to look like they are straight out of a GQ magazine but they have to be attractive to me. I tried that before, I dated a guy who was very handsome but he was "short" and I was never happy with him. I used to wish he was taller. It did take me awhile to get comfortable with him not being tall, but even when I did, I was never happy and I never fell in love with him I actually agree with the first paragraph. Meagan, physical attraction is important to me, too, but you seem a bit too picky, and that's coming from me, who's already quite picky.
marty7 Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 average looks are ok. but personality, mental health, intelligence are very important. also, need someone that tries to stay in shape
ruggy Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Right Donna. That's why I need to imporve on my physical appearance so I can showcase that. If you aren't that pretty, men don't really care what you have to offer Works both ways darling. Don't feel bad. I've struck out so many times that my bat broke. For some people, this is just how live is. You have to work with what you've got. Women can pull it off much easier than men.
BobSacamento Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 For me looks don't matter a whole lot. Unless weight counts. A women with a weight problem is a big turn off for me. Perhaps it's because I once was a fatty and I have developed a sense of entitlement. Anyway does weight count as looks? Cause I'd take a Butterface over a cute faced fatty any day.
ruggy Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 For me looks don't matter a whole lot. Unless weight counts. A women with a weight problem is a big turn off for me. Perhaps it's because I once was a fatty and I have developed a sense of entitlement. Anyway does weight count as looks? Cause I'd take a Butterface over a cute faced fatty any day. Very true. I love it when I state in my profile I am looking for average or athletic and toned women, and over-weight women wink at me. Never understood why they don't read the profile. Doesn't really matter. If I cannot get what I want, I'll just stay by myself. The only correlation to that is the money I'll save.
Kamille Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I tried that before, I dated a guy who was very handsome but he was "short" and I was never happy with him. I used to wish he was taller. I seriously don't understand the pity party Meagan. Clearly, you do date and men do find you attractive. This likely means that at least a percentage of the men you find attractive also find you physically attractive. And guess what? It's like that for everyone! Plus, it's mathematically impossible that all black men in your region suffer from colorism. Come on! Where are you meeting these men? How old are they?
Cherished Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I don't know how this got into dating interracially but what it boils down to is this... Megan, you're going to have to start opening your heart and your mind to those "average Joe" men who don't initially catch your eye and who aren't your physical type, ones you don't even feel a spark for, and take the time to get to know them and fall in love with them for their inner qualities. You are whining about men not being into your look so they ignore you, so you mustn't be a hypocrite and ignore those who you don't cause a "spark" within you, either.
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