lovestruck818 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Ah wow! There's so much here. I'm very much like you - I like to read, write, travel and I love talking politics and deconstruct my white privilege (or get in heated debates about whether or not that's even possible). Are you involved in any association or groups that cater to your interests in politics and race? Those are great spaces to meet open-minded smart men. Hu hu! While I fully understand the appeal of black men , I give dating outside your race two thumbs up, way up. And, to tell you the truth Meagan, I envy dark-skinned women. I think a goodlooking black woman is just stunning. I say embrace the color and make it work for you. Your posts lovestruck make me wonder if maybe you and Meagan might be projecting your own issues onto the male gender. Since you put so much emphasis on their looks, is it possible you're shortchanging them and assume they're only interested in your looks? That maybe you don't spend enough time developping other aspects of the relationship on the first few dates? I didn't realize "racist" skin color preferences were still so prevalent, and haven't observed them amongst my friends in Canada. A friend of mine has really black skin and men of all races fall over themselves to talk to her. I do develop aspects of the relationship...but that's just the problem...I want a relationship! Men don't want one with me b/c I am pretty and there is too much outside temptation and too many opportunities to cheat...but I don't cheat. Men just always seem to think attractive women are not faithful.
Sam Spade Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I do develop aspects of the relationship...but that's just the problem...I want a relationship! Men don't want one with me b/c I am pretty and there is too much outside temptation and too many opportunities to cheat...but I don't cheat. Men just always seem to think attractive women are not faithful. It's a tough predicament. It is not that guys would *assume* that a uber-babe would cheat , but many would assume (at least I would), that an uber babe comes with higher than average expectations. One of the things that guys expect in relationships is solidity and lack of drama, which includes putting reasonable (i.e. not excessive) amount of effort in the relationship to keep things going smoothly. Chances are an uber babe has received the royal treatment at all times, and may even be used to it, which can generate an entitlement attitude even in the nicest of persons. Related, she would have both the incentive and the ability to leave at a drop of a hat, if something doesn't go her way. Similarly, picturing all the guys that drool and kiss her ass all the time while the guy's at work is neither solid nor non-dramatic . So, that's not really about insecurities, but about rather mundane calculus of expected marginal cost versus expected marginal benefit . Every guy who has his act together can *get* any woman, but the dynamics of long term relationships has nothing to do with *getting*, but rather with *keeping* . In other words, beyond certain treshold small increases in attractiveness aren't even that valuable, but they may come with disproportionately higher expectations and effort (i.e. cost) . It is often presumptious and unfair - there are so many gorgeous *and* loyal nice girls - but I'm honestly telling it like it is, at least in my head . That's why a pretty, but non-remarkable woman is ideal as far as long term relationships or marriage are concerned. I believe that this calculus applies even to the alpha-est of the so-called alpha males - a strong guy also wants stability and lack of drama at home. (In fact, chances are that the weaker the guy, the more expectations and drama he's willing to put up with)
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 And yes--colorism is a problem in the AA community. That isn't something that the OP is making up. AA scholars have discussed ad infinitum about this damaging cultural problem and does affect how women who are dark perceive their worth. Yep, I know I get looked over specifically because I am dark. One guy in my classes did not talk to darkskin girls, only the lightskin ones
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 I thought you were planning on being single your whole life anyway? You act like high school is the same thing as adult life. And you're 22 years old? My god, grow up. Things change, people change. You get older and you learn that life isn't as shallow as it was in high school. By the way, I was a total loser in high school; total loner, bookworm, hardly any friends, straight A student, no charisma, no stunning looks. Then I got into college. And I figured out pretty quickly that REAL life is nothing like high school. I do plan on being single. But in life, men treat you differently based on how attractive they find you, whether it be dating, working, socializing etc. Just anything. It makes me very angry.
Isolde Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Sam Spade, women say the same things about men. Sometimes I think the best policy is to go with what you feel, not by calculus. (Going by what you feel includes being open-minded to people that may not win a beauty contest anytime soon, but that you are mysteriously attracted to anyway.)
Isolde Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I do plan on being single. But in life, men treat you differently based on how attractive they find you, whether it be dating, working, socializing etc. Just anything. It makes me very angry. Have you ever heard the quote "be the change you want?" Yes, it's cheesy. But it has a point. Channel your anger into something that will make you and other people happy. At the very least, you'll feel better about yourself, if not about others.
Jilly Bean Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 You know, Megan, there is a huge market for ugly models and ugly actresses. So, if you are as repulsive to men as you claim to be, then why not consider pursuing this and making a living off your unattractiveness? You would still be valued for your gift, and validated.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Have you ever heard the quote "be the change you want?" Yes, it's cheesy. But it has a point. Channel your anger into something that will make you and other people happy. At the very least, you'll feel better about yourself, if not about others. Yeah, I've made the decision to change my skin color (I'm already bleaching to try to get lighter but I want something more aggressive and permanent) and some other things. If I can't beat them then I'll join them
Isolde Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Yeah, I've made the decision to change my skin color (I'm already bleaching to try to get lighter but I want something more aggressive and permanent) and some other things. If I can't beat them then I'll join them Are you freaking serious! You're going to get uneven pigmentation and will cause your skin permanent damage, even if you don't notice it right away.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Are you freaking serious! You're going to get uneven pigmentation and will cause your skin permanent damage, even if you don't notice it right away. that's only if you use the wrong products that will give you a bad reaction to your skin. Besides, I've been bleaching since I was a teenager 16, and have pretty nice skin with no problems. But the stuff I use does not make me light enough, I want to be a totally different color, several shades lighter so I can attract more black men since they love light complected women.
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yep, I know I get looked over specifically because I am dark. One guy in my classes did not talk to darkskin girls, only the lightskin ones I think dark skin is super sexy. You just need to meet the right guys. What is your ethnicity?
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 I think dark skin is super sexy. You just need to meet the right guys. What is your ethnicity? I'm Black.
Lindarose84 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 that's only if you use the wrong products that will give you a bad reaction to your skin. Besides, I've been bleaching since I was a teenager 16, and have pretty nice skin with no problems. But the stuff I use does not make me light enough, I want to be a totally different color, several shades lighter so I can attract more black men since they love light complected women. Um those products, no matter what anyone tells you, are HARMFUL to your skin. When you get skin cancer you'll be posting another pity party thread about how life was unfair to you because society forced you to bleach your skin and then get cancer. You're what, 23? You've been using bleaching products for 7 years and didn't achieve the results you wanted. I think you should take that as a sign that you need to stop. Think of it this way: Those guys you are jumping through hoops for to impress, would they risk cancer just to date you or get you to notice them? If you can't answer that with a "yes" then why the hell are you putting yourself at risk for them???
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I'm Black. Well maybe it's a Black guy thing, I know in the Philippines a lot of those guys like the light skinned girls. Personally as a white guy, I think dark girls can be smoking hot. One non-destructive way to stand out might be some colored contact lenses or something, but again, I'm a sucker for those so-dark-they-look-black eyes some women have.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Um those products, no matter what anyone tells you, are HARMFUL to your skin. When you get skin cancer you'll be posting another pity party thread about how life was unfair to you because society forced you to bleach your skin and then get cancer. You're what, 23? You've been using bleaching products for 7 years and didn't achieve the results you wanted. I think you should take that as a sign that you need to stop. Think of it this way: Those guys you are jumping through hoops for to impress, would they risk cancer just to date you or get you to notice them? If you can't answer that with a "yes" then why the hell are you putting yourself at risk for them??? Well, I'd rather risk skin cancer than be extremely dark which I think makes me invisible and incredibly unattractive to black men. When I was really dark I never got noticed, I remembering being told I wasn't even a real girl. I used to be very dark before I started bleaching and I'd never want to go back to that color again. Just the intra-racism I encountered, teasing, and seeing guys who I really like always go after the lightskin girls instead of me was just devestating. I used to go home everyday and cry about my skin color being so dark until my mother finally agreed to take me to a derm to get a bleachign cream to lighten me up a few shades. It defintely helped a bit and I became pretty, and then I did other things to enhance my appearance. Would they jump through hoops for me or other girls? Possibly if they knew what it was like to be so dark and unappealing. I was so suicidal and never happy with my skin color, my mother literally got sick of me hating it so much taht she agreed to let me change it if it made me feel better about myself
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Well maybe it's a Black guy thing, I know in the Philippines a lot of those guys like the light skinned girls. Personally as a white guy, I think dark girls can be smoking hot. One non-destructive way to stand out might be some colored contact lenses or something, but again, I'm a sucker for those so-dark-they-look-black eyes some women have. Yeah, I used to wear color contact lenses it defintely did help marginally. I don't know a lot of guys who truly prefer darkskin, maybe a few but not a lot. It seems that the lighter skin black girls appeal to a larger variety of men and I want to be able to do that as well
WineCountry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 You're lucky you're not black because you don't have to deal with this. It's easy to change the color of your hair, I can be a blonde if I wanted to, but I can never be White unless I get extensive plastic surgery. I just know that I want to look the ideal (lightskin, long hair, light eyes) so I can appeal to as many black men as possible. I see how the lighter skin black women have it much easier and have access to the type of men that wont give me the time of day because I am not fair enough Umm...Im very lightskinned with green eyes. I am also single, and also struggling with the dating scene. So, life is not a bowl of cherries over here either.
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Yeah, I used to wear color contact lenses it defintely did help marginally. I don't know a lot of guys who truly prefer darkskin, maybe a few but not a lot. It seems that the lighter skin black girls appeal to a larger variety of men and I want to be able to do that as well If your skin complexion is good .... well I can't think of anything you can do to make it better than that. Always looks like silk to me, I can't stop imagining touching that. Hope that's not too graphic, but damn. Those deep deep eyes, kissable lips ... I think it's super fine myself. Maybe you should think about dating some white guys if that's not too repulsive to you.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 If your skin complexion is good .... well I can't think of anything you can do to make it better than that. Always looks like silk to me, I can't stop imagining touching that. Hope that's not too graphic, but damn. Those deep deep eyes, kissable lips ... I think it's super fine myself. Maybe you should think about dating some white guys if that's not too repulsive to you. It's very segragated where I am from. Not a whole lot of interracial dating especially between black women and white men. Most white guys date within their race, and don't really date black girls because their families would not approve.
clv0116 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 It's very segragated where I am from. Not a whole lot of interracial dating especially between black women and white men. Most white guys date within their race, and don't really date black girls because their families would not approve. Bummer. I think race mixed children are beautiful myself.
WineCountry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Skin colour has nothing to do with it. I know gorgeous black girls and ugly white girls...and vice versa. There are attractive people and ugly people in every race. Besides, what one person finds attractive, someone else may not and vice versa. Can you really argue something that is only an opinion and not a fact? A lot of men- white & black- like black girls. And if you are a good person, it shouldn't even matter. This i have to disagree with. Are you black, Lovestruck? Because though simply being lightskinned doesnt guarantee that your world will be heaven, Megan IS right when she says lightskinned people sometimes are sought after more. THAT is true. Hasn't helped me a hell of a lot, but its true. LOL I know a big part of my problem is im a bit shy in social settings. I dont get out enough to meet people. Im a homebody. You cant meet people in your living room. I have some self esteem issues also. So, i know i have things i have to work on, or I could look like Halle Berry and it wont matter.
WineCountry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 And do you think everything is going to change when and if you finally gets the looks you desire? pretty people have things just as hard when it comes to dating...if not harder. I am a very attractive female, IMO, you can disagree- I don't care...but the point is...all my married friends are not as attractive as I am...and yet they are married and I can't even get past the first date. When you are pretty, guys want and expect sex more and if you don't give it, they bail. Now, see I could do the same thing and say looks has nothing to do with it, as you said color doesnt. Maybe they are bailing for another reason? Or maybe the guys you chose are just jerks.
WineCountry Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 So Meagan, you are not only obsessed with appearance, but also a racist. I lived with a black woman and one of my sons is currently, head over heels, in love with a Kenyan girl, at college. My girl was dark-skinned and so is my sons girl, Black women used to be my Kryptonite. But I still wouldn't be attracted, unless they had something between their ears. How in God's green EARTH did you change this woman's self esteem issues and culture into her being a RACIST??? Are you serious?? You say black women were your kryptonite, but you obviously didnt learn much about "THEM" inside or the culture if you made a statement like that. If you really understood, then you would understand where her feelings are coming from. Its an issue that some times goes on within the black race. You get the message shoved down your throat from society that the lighter or whiter you are, the better. Some people buy into that because, and no offense Megan..they are not strong enough to see that for what it is..bull---t. Not saying whether her feelings are right or wrong, just sayin you would 'get' it more. She needs some pride in her self and some self esteem work.
Sam Spade Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I was just reading some crap about Carrie Prejean (the notorious miss california, I'm embarassed I know ). Anyway. Appearances-wise, she's nothing short of a perfect specimen of a woman - absolutely spectacular body, face, hair, everything. Yet when trying to picture her nekkid on the floor of my living room (don't ask ) there is something about her that makes my private parts shiver and retreat in panic instead of you-know-what . Bitch is dumb as a doorknob wrapped in grating personality, and while most guys would muster up/love a ONS with someone like her (who am I kidding ), many would cut off their dicks rather than entertain the thought of having an actual relationships with 'that' (and now I'm not kidding ).
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