lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 No matter how good looking a guy is but if he lacks personality and intelligence, that's it is for me - goodbye! I agree with you...but when it comes down to it, better looking people do better in the long-run...they are paid more, treated better and more respected.
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Men are damned if they do, and damned if they don't. If we notice "attractive" women we're pigs, and if we don't notice "unattractive" women we're pigs. Where does female insecurity start, and so-called male sexism end? You do know it's easier to project it outward than it is to look inward, right? This one takes the easy way out.
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 True, but don't underestimate guys: most are not stupid and understand this dynamics and prioritize accordingly. Actually there are many beautiful women who may have troubles marrying or establishing solid relationships. Makes perfect economic sense, actually: looks fade, so a gorgeous girl with no other major qualities is a depreciating asset to be dated and dumped once the looks fade . An average girl with greatr traits and personality on the other hand is better positioned to draw consistend long term returns on her assets on the marriage market because even if her looks fade, her other assets make her more desireable partner in the long term . There. Cynical enough for you? Sure, occasionally there is the best of both worlds, but the odds are slim, so why waste time thinking about it? I honestly don't see how a marginally hotter girl than my already pretty and great girlfriend would make me any happier???[/QUOTE] b/c people would treat her better just about everywhere she goes...sad but true...this exists!
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Meagan, like many people have said, no one said looks don't matter. What we've said is looks aren't the only thing that matters. Much of your anxiety stems from the fact that you're single. Seems to me you know how to be attractive and how to get the attention from men you so crave. What we're trying to tell you over and over and over again is that to get those guys 'honking' at you to ask you out on a date and eventually want a relationship, you need a more diversified portfolio then looks. Basically, you're getting men's attention on one criteria alone, looks. There's intellectual, emotional, spiritual, humoristic connections that you also need to screen for in potential partners and bring to the table. Seems to me like you've got the looking good part down. Now is time to focus on developping other facets of your personality. For instance, while I feel flattered when a guy opens a door or tells me I'm pretty, I also get a lot of validation from OTHER things in life, such as my jobs, my successful friendships, being a published academic, etc. So, ok, looks are part of the picture - but there's a lot more to it then that! Again, I ask you: what else do you bring to the table, apart from looking great?
Sam Spade Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 True, but don't underestimate guys: most are not stupid and understand this dynamics and prioritize accordingly. Actually there are many beautiful women who may have troubles marrying or establishing solid relationships. Makes perfect economic sense, actually: looks fade, so a gorgeous girl with no other major qualities is a depreciating asset to be dated and dumped once the looks fade . An average girl with greatr traits and personality on the other hand is better positioned to draw consistend long term returns on her assets on the marriage market because even if her looks fade, her other assets make her more desireable partner in the long term . There. Cynical enough for you? Sure, occasionally there is the best of both worlds, but the odds are slim, so why waste time thinking about it? I honestly don't see how a marginally hotter girl than my already pretty and great girlfriend would make me any happier???[/QUOTE] b/c people would treat her better just about everywhere she goes...sad but true...this exists! Well, great - *I* already treat her well, so she will have less outside temptations. So that's another major reason not to marry a girl that is *too hot* (more likely to be eager to come home to her awesome badazz husband than to be curious about the guy from accounting who's kissing her azz on a daily basis). Good relationship or bad, girls are pretty gullible.
Lindarose84 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Megan why do you insist on so many "pity party" posts and posts chastising men? How about stepping away from the computer, working on your self esteem issues and trying then to enter into some sort of healthy relationship with men. I mean, at least then you have something real to b&tch about. It actually surprises me that you get so many responses to your threads- after a while there's only so much everyone can say and it's then up to you to do the leg work to get your issues in check. Just to add a response on topic, no it's not all about looks. Believe me, I've seen the most heinous looking guys and girls in loving relationships while I'm still serial dating (and I'm up there on the attractive scale). It really is a lot about personality, intelligence, humor, etc. Right now you want to work on what's inside because honestly that's got to be what's making you ugly to men
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Well, great - *I* already treat her well, so she will have less outside temptations. So that's another major reason not to marry a girl that is *too hot* (more likely to be eager to come home to her awesome badazz husband than to be curious about the guy from accounting who's kissing her azz on a daily basis). Good relationship or bad, girls are pretty gullible. You're right. I am a very attractive woman and men wont date b/c there is too much temptation from other guys. All of my previous relationships have ended for this reason.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Oh, and Meagan, I think what you describe is also the effect of attitude: When I go out feeling like grey blob, I tend to avoid men's gaze and just generally walk around in my own little bubble. It gets even worse in bars, when if I feel unattractive, no one approaches me (which in turn makes me feel unattractive). When I go out feeling great (about who I am and not just my looks), I notice that I look around more and have a smile on my face. As a result of feeling great, I met my bf at a party. While men have opened doors and catcalled me in both instances, the interactions are definitely more abundant (and more fun) on the days when I feel great. So... What you're describing is an attitudinal cycle: you feel good about how you look so you project that image. Men respond to it so it confirms to you that looking good is important. All it shows really is that it's not looks that matter the most: it's attitude.
bean1 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You guys are far too nice... MeaganRaye is either (a) a troll, or (b) far beyond the capabilities of anyone here.
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You guys are far too nice... MeaganRaye is either (a) a troll, or (b) far beyond the capabilities of anyone here. I'm not. :laugh:
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Nah...I like porn. Oh you naughty girl Amaysngrace! :laugh:
OpenBook Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 All it shows really is that it's not looks that matter the most: it's attitude. Totally agree, Kamille!! I have also found a big factor to be the area where you live. When I fly to another state, it's a totally different experience with the opposite sex THE MINUTE I STEP OFF THE PLANE. Damndest thing I ever seen. It's like Dorothy stepping into Oz.
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Damndest thing I ever seen. It's like Dorothy stepping into Oz. A friend once told me that movie would have been completely different if Toto was a rottweiler. And I agree.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Totally agree, Kamille!! I have also found a big factor to be the area where you live. When I fly to another state, it's a totally different experience with the opposite sex THE MINUTE I STEP OFF THE PLANE. Damndest thing I ever seen. It's like Dorothy stepping into Oz. Simple: if you're in an area you don't know, you look up and look around! Likely walk slower too, as you pay attention to more details around you. This makes you appear more approachable. Ever notice how when you're visiting a city, other tourists will often stop you to ask you for directions? Simple: the reason is you're visibly one of the few people on the street who's actually not all caught up in their own thoughts.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Meagan, if you think that being a piece of meat on display, is being somebody, then good luck with that. My wife is beautiful as is my daughter, both have told me the same thing. Beautiful women are not taken as seriously, because of their looks. My wife has a very high-profile job, and actually dresses down, so her co-workers will regard her with the proper respect. My daughter does the same thing. She is the C.F.O. of a large company and wears glasses. keeps her hair in a tight bun, wears little make-up, and dresses in the most severe business suits, she can find. If all you want is sexual attention, then by all means, slut it up, if you want to be treated with respect, then work on your character as much, if not more, than your appearance. I'm sorry but men seem to always talk about what women they find attractive and make this huge deal out of dating good looking women, looking at them in television, print, strip clubs, and now you want to tell me that its not great being beautiful because you don't get respect? Yeah right. If looks aren' tthat important than why don't men stop obsessing over attractive women
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Meagan, like many people have said, no one said looks don't matter. What we've said is looks aren't the only thing that matters. Much of your anxiety stems from the fact that you're single. Seems to me you know how to be attractive and how to get the attention from men you so crave. What we're trying to tell you over and over and over again is that to get those guys 'honking' at you to ask you out on a date and eventually want a relationship, you need a more diversified portfolio then looks. Basically, you're getting men's attention on one criteria alone, looks. There's intellectual, emotional, spiritual, humoristic connections that you also need to screen for in potential partners and bring to the table. Seems to me like you've got the looking good part down. Now is time to focus on developping other facets of your personality. For instance, while I feel flattered when a guy opens a door or tells me I'm pretty, I also get a lot of validation from OTHER things in life, such as my jobs, my successful friendships, being a published academic, etc. So, ok, looks are part of the picture - but there's a lot more to it then that! Again, I ask you: what else do you bring to the table, apart from looking great? I don't know what else I can bring to the table. I really don't know. But I still feel like I need to work on my outward appearance more. I feel that if I were lighter with keener features I'd get the acceptance I want from men
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 No, I just don't understand men. You make a HUGE deal out of how women look, open doors, bend over backwards for a woman with huge tits, small waist or whatever desirable trait it is, and then tell women that looks don't count as much or we're crazy for wanting to strive to look perfect..
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 No, I just don't understand men. You make a HUGE deal out of how women look, open doors, bend over backwards for a woman with huge tits, small waist or whatever desirable trait it is, and then tell women that looks don't count as much or we're crazy for wanting to strive to look perfect..Looks help to get you in the door but the rest, make it or break it. Why can't you get that through your head? This is what everyone is telling you, male and female alike.
boldjack Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 AMG, you're so right about the Rott(sic). I have a giant Airedale, Rufus, he would eat every flying monkey in OZ ( and probably most of the munchkins too).
Jaytb Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 No, I just don't understand men. You make a HUGE deal out of how women look, open doors, bend over backwards for a woman with huge tits, small waist or whatever desirable trait it is, and then tell women that looks don't count as much or we're crazy for wanting to strive to look perfect.. Actually YOU are the one making a huge deal out of it.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Looks help to get you in the door but the rest, make it or break it. Why can't you get that through your head? This is what everyone is telling you, male and female alike. That makes looks VERY important w/o it you aren't even given a chance
Recommended Posts