yasmina1706 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I are both at uni together, and there is a girl in our law class who has become a bit of a problem recently. About 6 months before my boyf and I got together, he was sort of interested in her for a period of about two weeks, but they never dated and simple became friends. He began to lose interest in even being friends with her when she began to turn strange - arriving at his uninvited, following him around in clubs when he was with other people and one time biting and scratching him all over his arms in response to teasing (which left him really white and shaken). Needless to say after that he avoided her, and a few months later we got together. Immediately after we got together it was the summer break, during which time we thought she'd forget about him. We saw her when back at class and were always polite, saying hello but not making conversation. Unfortunately, we have a few friends in common so see her quite often in passing. In February, my boyfriend and his housemates had a party, which she came to (as she was invited by his housemate). We were both surprised to see her there since she is no great friend of the housemate, but tried to be friendly to her. She talked to me for a while then started to really inappropriately touch me, like stroking my arms etc. I found her really creepy so left the room to find my boyf. One of her friends said to me 'you're talking to sophie? Why? I thought you would be threatened by her' Then later we walked into the room where she was siting, drunk. She shouted 'there he is', and threw her drink into my boyfriend's face. He was really angry so I tried to calm him down, meanwhile she fell off her chair in a drunken stupor. We later found out that she had been telling an assembled crowd how heartbroken she is that he 'abandoned' her for me. Nice return for our friendliness to her! She later passed out from drinking and had to be carried home. The other day my housemate had a party, and we were dismayed to see her arrive at my house, as we hadn't expected her to be invited. A mutual friend told us she begged him to come as 'she wouldn't know anyone there'. Why did she come then? After she arrived she sat staring at us for a few hours, not saying hello or smiling. We tried to avoid her and eventually left the house for a walk. When we got back she seemed intent on getting drunk, and gazed at us maliciously, making it clear she had been talking about us to whoever happened to be around whenever we came close to her. It was really uncomfortable. Many times I noticed her looking my bofriend up and down and giving me malicious looks. Later in the evening, while I went to the bathroom, she approached my boyfriend asking to be friends. When he politely refused, she started shouting 'we need to make amends' then fell onto him drunkenly asking for a hug. When he got quickly away from her, she went into the street sobbing, disrupting the party, and making him feel very uncomfortable. She is an alcoholic I think - apparently starts the day with a Gin drink and I have never seen her at a party without seeing her pass out/break furniture from drunkenness. She also seems unable to realise that my getting together with my boyf is nothing to do with her. She also has a boyfriend, who knows nothing about my boyf. It seems few people do, and her friends (for some reason) pretend we don't know her. She doesn't seem to realise that my getting together with my boyf had nothing to do with her - he didn't 'switch' from her to me, there was a couple of months gap where he hardly spoke to her and we just fell in love quite quickly. I have just noticed on facebook that she will be attending a couple more parties this week and next that we wanted to go to. I can't face another scene of hers, as well as her nasty glances and bitching. I was thinking of simply avoiding the parties, but I don't want her to know she has upset us, since it seems to be her plan. What to do? P.S apologies for the length of this post
Bejita463 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I would just ignore her tantrums and treat her (respectfully) like the child she is being. All her little sob stories and tantrums will accomplish in the end will be to make herself look foolish. After all, if you and your boy-toy are the jerks, why is it always her that throws the fits? People will notice. That is why you ensure you remain above her level, and maintain the respect. You don't have to address this at all unless she becomes violent. She'll be her own undoing without your having to expend any attention on her at all. Who cares if she gives you malicious looks?
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You need to find her sober, and both take her out for a coffee and confront her. If she starts making a scene, tell her she's got a restraining order coming if she doesn't behave herself and get some help. Back at Uni, I would advise someone in authority (is there a department to help and counsel students?) tht you've had potential problems and that you are concerned for her. She might need help, you know..... But it's not your job to do that.....
Author yasmina1706 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I would just ignore her tantrums and treat her (respectfully) like the child she is being. All her little sob stories and tantrums will accomplish in the end will be to make herself look foolish. After all, if you and your boy-toy are the jerks, why is it always her that throws the fits? People will notice. That is why you ensure you remain above her level, and maintain the respect. You don't have to address this at all unless she becomes violent. She'll be her own undoing without your having to expend any attention on her at all. Who cares if she gives you malicious looks? Yes, thanks. Youre right, and that is the strategy we had been trying to follow. However, the outburst the other day just really upset me. Also, it's hard to just avoid her when she keeps forcing her (negative) presence on us. I guess my question really is - what to do next time this happens? I don't really want it to keep happening over and over.
2sure Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 She is a nut job and commin sense says to avoid nut jobs whenever possible. To care for a moment what the nut job thinks about that is an exercise in frustration. Stop Particpating. Should anyone else notice and ask why you are not attending tell them : Well, to be honest it's Ms. X. We normally have no issue with her company at all...but when she DRINKS, she becomes a problem wherever she goes and often seems to focus on us. We figure we'll just lay low for a bit and turn her stupor talk to someone else. I'm sure she is harmless.
Author yasmina1706 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Thanks TaraMaiden, I am pretty sure she does need help... but I don't feel too much sympathy for her. She is so nasty and fake. part of me does want to confront her as you say, part of me simply wants to ignore her and hope the problem will go away.
Recommended Posts