tami-chan Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 It's called a sense of humor. LOL...i know, it's funny to smother someone!
SidLyon Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Sid, I'm curious - what was his role in the fantasy - referee? Audience? Judge? prize? It seems like an interesting fantasy, and possibly a metaphor for how he viewed the whole A... Ha I'm not quite sure - partly as observer I guess and partly a participant - I'm pretty sure he would have wanted us both to shift our attentions to him at some stage. Who knows - just a fantasy. Cheers S
Owl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 A success story happens when people live authentically and are happy with the life they have. And everyone ceases to be identified as an acronym as just become people. GEL I'd agree that this is the best possible outcome...best possible example of "success". Unfortunately, it's either extremely rare, or it takes years/decades for all three parties to get to this point in most cases. I'd suggest this is the best definition of 'success' you can get in this situation...unfortunately I think that it's really, really rare when you can get all three parties to reach this point. Normally, SOMEONE remains unhappy with the situation.
Gamine Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 A happy ending could be when men and women stop using one another as dish rags and as sources of self affirmation and pleasure. And, decide to give real love instead.
jwi71 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 A happy ending could be when men and women stop using one another as dish rags and as sources of self affirmation and pleasure. And, decide to give real love instead. I love this answer Gamine, simply love it
bentnotbroken Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 A happy ending could be when men and women stop using one another as dish rags and as sources of self affirmation and pleasure. And, decide to give real love instead. Bravo:bunny::bunny::bunny:
GreenEyedLady Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Normally, SOMEONE remains unhappy with the situation. I think you are probably right on with this. But at what point do all players take responsibility for their own happiness? Is anyone of the players responsible for all of the players happiness for their entire life? I've read how the BS is not responsible for the WS's unhappiness in the M. So why would the WS be the one responsible in a divorce? And when is the BS forced to move on? They don't get a free pass for life. Maybe success should be defined as getting over it and moving on.
NoIDidn't Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I think you are probably right on with this. But at what point do all players take responsibility for their own happiness? Is anyone of the players responsible for all of the players happiness for their entire life? I've read how the BS is not responsible for the WS's unhappiness in the M. So why would the WS be the one responsible in a divorce? And when is the BS forced to move on? They don't get a free pass for life. Maybe success should be defined as getting over it and moving on. I don't know why you are getting on the BS for not being happy about being rejected by the WS. Were you happy about your divorce? When does the OW move on if the MM decides his success story lies with the marriage to his W and not to a R with his OW? Is the OW happy in these instances? No. So I don't understand why this turned into the usual BS should be happy that the WS dumped them and found someone that makes them happy B.S. (not standing for betrayed spouse, lol).
Owl Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I think you are probably right on with this. But at what point do all players take responsibility for their own happiness? Is anyone of the players responsible for all of the players happiness for their entire life? I've read how the BS is not responsible for the WS's unhappiness in the M. So why would the WS be the one responsible in a divorce? And when is the BS forced to move on? They don't get a free pass for life. Maybe success should be defined as getting over it and moving on. I'd agree with the earlier comment someone else made about the bolded part...no one here argues that the BS had nothing to do with the state of the marriage...BOTH parties have joint responsibility for that...but the DISTINCTION is that the BS is not responsible for the WS's choice to have an affair rather than find other ways to address/mitigate what's making them unhappy in the marriage. But...I think I'd say this overall... There is no such thing as "a success story" when it comes to affairs/infidelity. It's just not a "success or fail" kind of situation...not for everyone involved. Someone is going to feel like it was a mistake/failure...the only question is which of the 3 parties will feel that way. There's no "success" to be had with an affair that would include all three parties. It's a "no win for someone" situation. Even if they "get over it" later in life...they still lost in some fashion.
White Flower Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I'd agree with the earlier comment someone else made about the bolded part...no one here argues that the BS had nothing to do with the state of the marriage...BOTH parties have joint responsibility for that...but the DISTINCTION is that the BS is not responsible for the WS's choice to have an affair rather than find other ways to address/mitigate what's making them unhappy in the marriage. But...I think I'd say this overall... There is no such thing as "a success story" when it comes to affairs/infidelity. It's just not a "success or fail" kind of situation...not for everyone involved. Someone is going to feel like it was a mistake/failure...the only question is which of the 3 parties will feel that way. There's no "success" to be had with an affair that would include all three parties. It's a "no win for someone" situation. Even if they "get over it" later in life...they still lost in some fashion.And it's OK to lose sometimes. Sometimes we gain something greater after a loss. Recognizing that is success.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I don't know why you are getting on the BS for not being happy about being rejected by the WS. Were you happy about your divorce? When does the OW move on if the MM decides his success story lies with the marriage to his W and not to a R with his OW? Is the OW happy in these instances? No. So I don't understand why this turned into the usual BS should be happy that the WS dumped them and found someone that makes them happy B.S. (not standing for betrayed spouse, lol). I was EXTREMELY happy about my divorce. So I guess that blows your whole theory out of the water. I was happy TO BE FREE! END OF STORY. GEL
NoIDidn't Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I was EXTREMELY happy about my divorce. So I guess that blows your whole theory out of the water. I was happy TO BE FREE! END OF STORY. GEL I didn't have a theory, Oh Greatly Defensive One. I only assumed that you were unhappy at your divorce because of the circumstances and it was a divorce. Most people aren't happy to get one. SO THERE! Your Smugness. LOL
GreenEyedLady Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I didn't have a theory, Oh Greatly Defensive One. I only assumed that you were unhappy at your divorce because of the circumstances and it was a divorce. Most people aren't happy to get one. SO THERE! Your Smugness. LOL The circumstance was that I had a job and a way to support myself and the chains were off! I left my H, not the other way around. I was unhappy because my M SUCKED. And so I left and I was free. So there, Your Lastwordness.
NoIDidn't Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The circumstance was that I had a job and a way to support myself and the chains were off! I left my H, not the other way around. I was unhappy because my M SUCKED. And so I left and I was free. So there, Your Lastwordness. LMAO!! A sense of humor is priceless, ain't it!
Author OWoman Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I only assumed that you were unhappy at your divorce because of the circumstances and it was a divorce. Most people aren't happy to get one. Most people, perhaps - though I've never seen a (reliable) study on that, either way - but some Ms were not meant to be, and so some Ds come as a great relief, for all concerned. My first M was one of those, and neither I nor my xH would today wish we were still together. That said, at the time it wasn't what he wanted (the D). It took him a while to realise that things were better with us apart, and that his "loss" was actually - longer term - a profound gain. That might be along the lines of what WF was suggesting below - that sometimes the "loss" actually harbours a far greater gain, even if it's not always evident at the time.
White Flower Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Most people, perhaps - though I've never seen a (reliable) study on that, either way - but some Ms were not meant to be, and so some Ds come as a great relief, for all concerned. My first M was one of those, and neither I nor my xH would today wish we were still together. That said, at the time it wasn't what he wanted (the D). It took him a while to realise that things were better with us apart, and that his "loss" was actually - longer term - a profound gain. That might be along the lines of what WF was suggesting below - that sometimes the "loss" actually harbours a far greater gain, even if it's not always evident at the time. Very well stated, OWoman. Only on my screen, it is above;). You just told my own D story. ExH did not want the D at first either, but now he appears to be madly in love with someone new. I'm happy for him.
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