16 year old girl

[Sideburns]

...That's what I feel like I'm living with.

 

My woman acts like a child constantly. I love her very dearly but I am unsure of how much more I can handle. When she doesn't get her way her nostrils flair and fists go down to her side, she shakes and cries and wines and stomps and slams cupboard doors and locks herself in the bathroom. Is this how an adult acts? She hasn't worked in a year, since she quit the (part time) job I got because she didn't like working in a restaurant.

 

What am I to do? We have to move now because she won't get a job. She complains that I don't take her out often but I work 11-15 hours a day, 6 days a week but I'm expected to come home and go out for a night on the town...Jesus. I feel like I've done it again. In the end its all my fault for letting it go on, but I will say that I do put my footdown on many issues and I have to frequently endure these tantrums, at this point its almost once a day. But most of the time I'm so tired and beat up either from work or jut exhausted from her, I find myself unable or unwilling at times to even acknowledge her crap.

 

 

rant rant rant. I don't know what anyone can tell me, if anything. I'm jut lost with this. She can be so selfish and it breaks my heart everyday.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm reminded of two good "proverbs":

 

'We teach people how to treat us'

 

and -

 

'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result'.

 

Stupid as this sounds, unless somebody does something, things aren't going to change.

Given that she behaves like a kid, I guess that 'somebody' would be you.

What do you see as your best options?

 

Counselling?

Separation?

Ultimatums?

A combination of the above?

None of the above?

[Mr. Lucky]

Counselling?

Separation?

Ultimatums?

A combination of the above?

None of the above?

Hard to disagree with this. If you love her, I'm going to assume you want her to be happy and she obviously isn't. And based on your post, neither are you. See if she'll cooperate in fixing it, if not set her free...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sideburns]

thanks for your input Tara, I think I know what I have to do. Its a shame but I do not see too many avenues to pursue aside from a new life.

 

much obliged

[Queen of Hearts]

Wow, she really is selfish. She is home bored all day while doing nothing then when you get home from work she expects you to entertain her and throws a fit because you are exhausted from working over 60 hours a week.

 

I am not sure how you manage to put up with someone who refuses to work. That would drive me insane. Does she go to school or something?

[Ronni_W]

I do not see too many avenues to pursue aside from a new life.

Something to keep in mind, though: If you don't learn how to assertively express and maintain healthy boundaries, then you'll end up with the SAME life...just a new wife.

 

It does sound more like your household needs a visit from 'Nanny 911'. But as things stand, it is about you changing how you are being, thinking and doing. As you say, you've allowed this situation to happen -- fear of conflict? lacking confidence to speak out for your own needs and wants? inability to express your own feelings? fear of her leaving?

 

Changing the external circumstance is not going to eliminate the "baggage", unfortunately.

[hopesndreams]

I find myself unable or unwilling at times to even acknowledge her crap.

She acts this way because you allow her to act this way. She's just stir crazy from being at home all day. Does she have any friends to hang out with? Does she have anyone to talk to besides you? If she doesn't have a job, doesn't have friends/family then yes, this will continue. You must tell her off! Yes, do it. It could be just what she needs.

 

If you leave her, chances are with your type of personality, you will attract the same type of woman. Stop being easy going/laid back all the time because it would just be taken advantage of. Oh, send out her resume for her to various places--that would show her you mean business.