ajjk1 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I never thought I'd be doing this, but I think I've reached a unbearable point of desperation. I've been seeing this man for almost two years. I am not in love. He loves his wife very much. She is the only women that he would do anything for. I have no wishes for him to leave her for me. Our relationship is strictly "friends with benefits". We see eachother on a regular basis (non-physical), so I feel I must remain civil "friendly". For the duration of this affair, I've pretty much left the ball in his court. We both have the understanding that if either wanted to end it, we have all the rights. I've come to realize its hard to be in any kind of relationship without any strings. I don't want his love, but I want to be acknowlegded. I don't want any real special treatment, but I expect to be treated as any other one of his female friends. Its gotten to the point where I've been feeling very angry. I mean, is it really too much to ask to be treated the way he treats all the other girls? I've gotten to the point where his neglect has driven me to the thoughts of telling his wife. He has no clue. Am I asking for to much?
Author ajjk1 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Well, he'll go up to them and start conversation. Chit-chat. An occasional massage, silly gestures.. nothing extremely out of the ordinary. I've been making excuses for him, telling myself that its because he tries to hide our relationship. His excuse: He didn't realize it, he would think about what I said. I guess I'm all out of excuses for him. He can't expect "friendship" from me if he is unwilling to give it. There are three types of relationship, people you like, people you don't like and people you just don't know well enough to make an opinion. I feel like he needs to pick one and we a beyond not knowing eachother. I always thought that when we were ready for it all to be over, I would tell myself that it was fun while it lasted. But at this point in time, I don't think it's possible. I understand that when getting involved in this kind if situation both parties expectations should be minimal, but I still believed that should still have been some sort of respect for eathother and eachothers feelings. And in this situation it just doesn't feel like it's there.
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 If the relationship is not at all physical then how is this a 'friends with benefits' situation?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I expect to be treated as any other one of his female friends. I mean, is it really too much to ask to be treated the way he treats all the other girls? I still believed that should still have been some sort of respect for eathother and eachothers feelings. I'm not sure why you would expect that. FWB isn't about being friends. It is about NSA sex. Men may call it 'friends' to placate you or make it sound less detached than it is, but they aren't really your friends as you can see from your MM's actions. I'm not sure what good telling the wife would do. Since he loves his wife (in the way that cakemen do, that is) and clearly doesn't have enough emotional attachment to you to protect you in any way, he would likely make you out to look like a stalker/psycho/etc. Either that, or take a stand with his wife and put you through a character assassination.
norajane Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Am I asking for to much? As far as he's concerned, yes, it would appear that you are asking for more than he is willing to give. He doesn't see you as a friend; he sees you as a f*ck buddy, emphasis on the f*ck rather than the buddy part. Since you're unhappy, why stay? It sounds like a good time to cut this guy loose and forget about him, his wife, his marriage. Stay civil since you do see each other regularly, but just tell him this arrangement isn't working for you anymore, buh-bye. You aren't required to stay, and since you say you're not in love with him, it should be rather easy to move on and stop being unhappy.
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 But he isn't banging his female friends. You don't love this guy, you don't want him to leave his wife for you either. It's an arrangement for the two of you to have sex, no strings attached. If you feel he doesn't respect you, then end it. He isn't committed to you nor you to him. Anyway, he probably is more distant with you because he doesn't 1)want others to know what is going on between you two and 2)he doesn't want you getting attached to him so he keeps his emotions out of it.
blinded Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 With these types of 'arrangements' women are easily attached and emotional. Whereas men are able to separate their feelings. It looks as if this is what's going on. You may have initially said that it's ok for either of you to walk away, but it's harder to do than actually say. Ultimately, it sounds like you want more out of the arrangement. You want a relationship w/him. After 2 years, it's safe to say that he is content w/the way things are. It sounds like you have some choices. Either go along w/things and allow him to control the situation. Or rattle his cage and tell him exactly how you feel. If he really wants to be with you, then he will make an effort and change the way he treats you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you sound unhappy. Which is worse, being unhappy with him? or being unhappy (temporary) without him?
Recommended Posts