magickman Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I have always felt unable to marry, absolutely unable. It's like this. As a young man, in my 20s and 30s, I was far too young and immature to even think about getting married. Then, in my 40s, I wasn't doing any dating, so marriage was a moot issue. Finally, in my mid fifties, I did meet some women. But no suitable candidates for marriage. Now I am 60, and still completely unmarried. Just lucky, I guess.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 LOL...then what is the point of this post? I wasn't sure if it was for pity or celebration. Good job, Magick.
HsMomma Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Just lucky, I guess. Or very, very sad to have missed out on one of life's most wonderful institutions!
Enema Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You don't seem upset about it. It's drilled into us that marriage is just what you're supposed to do when you get older. Good on you for realizing it's an antiquated practice that has very little place in modern society. What percentage of guys your age do you think have sob stories about how much time, money and happiness they've lost through failed (or successful!) marriages?
HsMomma Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Good on you for realizing it's an antiquated practice that has very little place in modern society. What percentage of guys your age do you think have sob stories about how much time, money and happiness they've lost through failed (or successful!) marriages? Wow - cynical much?
Stung Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You don't seem upset about it. It's drilled into us that marriage is just what you're supposed to do when you get older. Good on you for realizing it's an antiquated practice that has very little place in modern society. What percentage of guys your age do you think have sob stories about how much time, money and happiness they've lost through failed (or successful!) marriages? I'm sure many of them do. That is certainly one way things can turn out. I worked for 2 years in a center for Alzheimer's sufferers. I saw many elderly men who were still married, whose wives and families cared for them lovingly as they slipped away, who clung to those memories as a balm for their souls: they day they married, the births of their children. One man in his 90s, a former merchant marine, was descending into a fugue state but could be snapped out of it from time to time by talking about his wife, a very sweet-natured petite blind woman in her 80s with whom he still went dancing every Friday at the senior center. They lived together in a cottage on their daughter's property, surrounded by their grandkids. He would frequently tell me with a wide grin what a tiger his wife had always been in the sack. He was going into that good night, yes, but he was going gracefully, and grateful for what he had. I also saw many elderly men who were alone. They were mostly living in old folks' homes or boarding centers, though a few were widowers or divorced and living with their grown kids. They often showed up in wet, musty pants, because the nurses on their floors hadn't bothered to change their diapers before they sent them to our center, figuring we could do it. They tended to be far less involved, harder to engage in conversation, more prone to staring out of windows and slipping into dark fantasies. The social workers said it was because they were less mentally and emotionally engaged, they were slipping into dementia faster. When they weren't with us, they were just sitting around, alone, staring at a tv. So, those are some other ways that things can turn out. Just my own anecdotal evidence.
Sam Spade Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 They tended to be far less involved, harder to engage in conversation, more prone to staring out of windows and slipping into dark fantasies. The social workers said it was because they were less mentally and emotionally engaged, they were slipping into dementia faster. When they weren't with us, they were just sitting around, alone, staring at a tv. Oh my god, this sounds kinda like me, and I'm only 32 ! I better be nice to my girlfriend! She's wonderful!
JayJ Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you really needed to be married you would have gotten married. You're lucky that you followed your instincts not to get married. A lot of people who don't particularly want to be married get married anyway because of family pressures, loneliness or simply being sick of all your friends being couples. I can tell you that if you felt uncomfortable about marriage but got married anyway your life would have been hell on earth. The sex would have be lousy or non existent, you'd be bored silly and would probably suffer from depression because of the feeling of being trapped, especially if you'd had kids. You did the right thing. I wish I had.
Sam Spade Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you really needed to be married you would have gotten married. You're lucky that you followed your instincts not to get married. A lot of people who don't particularly want to be married get married anyway because of family pressures, loneliness or simply being sick of all your friends being couples. I can tell you that if you felt uncomfortable about marriage but got married anyway your life would have been hell on earth. The sex would have be lousy or non existent, you'd be bored silly and would probably suffer from depression because of the feeling of being trapped, especially if you'd had kids. You did the right thing. I wish I had. True, but to some extent this applies to ALL guys - i.e. all guys - happy or not, for the right or wrong reasons, love or no - marry with some extent of grudge. Hold on a second the flaming, and think about it: does *anybody* *really* *wants* to lose their financial and sexual independence and mobility and be saddled with practically endless responsibilities and liabilities? Of course not. These are major costs of marriage that are there, starring your in the face, even if you're super excited about it. I am excited about getting married and having kids, but dread the negative aspects. The point is to decide if the benefits outweight the costs. If yes, that's fantastic, but doesn't mean that the negatives/costs go away.
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