chicagoman27 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 We've been together for 7 years. She really wanted to have sexual relations with other men, but maintain our relationship. As open minded as I am, I figured this may be ok as long as we set a few ground rules. I was her first relationship, so she feels like she missed out on dating. After it happened once, it became more apparent she wanted to venture out because she didn't find me attractive anymore. After a few conversations, she confirmed it. Of course, she probably wanted to experience someone else as well, but I believe it has more to do with losing her attraction for me. I've gained some weight since we first started seeing each other, which is something I could lose again. One thing I have to mention, we have a great relationship otherwise. We've remained incredibly in love and have grown a lot together. Everything is there, except for the sex life. Since everything else was going great, I guess I never put too much thought into it. I am really offended that she is venturing out because she's not attracted to me. In fact, I haven't been the same since. I started dieting like crazy, and it's paying off. First, I can understand not being attracted to someone because they put on 20 pounds. How much of this is my responsibility to remain "hot"? I gave her permission to have sexual relations, so it's not that she's cheating on me, but it's for a different reason than we talked about. I don't want to give up the relationship quite yet, even though this will be very difficult. She also gained 20 pounds, but spent the last year running. Can someone maintain a healthy relationship once the physical attraction is lost? Even though I could lose the rest of the weight, is this something I should look past?
seibert253 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Right now you're a cuckold. Do you want to remain one? Doesn't sound like it. To me, the unattractiveness thing sounds like an excuse for her to go out and have sex with other men, but have Mr. Stability at home, (you). Your wife sounds extremely selfish. (I'm sorry honey, I know I said for better or worse, but I want someone else to ring my bell. Oh, by the way you need to work more overtime so I can have enough money for my weekend excursion with Juan). WTF dude? Now, what do want to do about it. If your wife getting boned by other men, and exposing you to STD's and Lord knows what else, bothers you, then tell her. Man up and lay down the Law. I do not accept or agree with this. If she refuses to stop and work on your marriage then pack her sh#t and leave it out on the street. The only reason she's engaging in this type of activity is because you are allowing and accepting it. If she cares more about an orgamism then her marriage, then you married the wrong one. Find one who loves you, not in love with herself.
tojaz Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 All i can say, is hang on to your integrity man! An open marriage works for some people, but if it isn't for you then it needs to stop and stop now. I'd ask her how she felt about you and other women? If she can't respect you enough to end it imediately, then you need to end it, hopefully it won't come to that. TOJAZ
mark982 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 i sure hope you're not financing her affair(s).she's making you a laughing stock,and has no respect for you.time to man-up and toss her azz to the curb.
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You're 'joking me' right? Kick her to the curb! I'd become a wino, lay in the ditch for a month drunk on my @zz! Puking and soiling myself, ~ just to get my self respect back!
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You have to determine your own boundaries, but right now you're not thinking straight because of fear and confusion over the state of your marriage and the possibility of losing your wife and, in my opinion, you can't give rational consideration to where appropriate boundaries should be. Like Seibert said, you're a cuckold, one of the lowest positions on the planet that a man can occupy. Don't do this to yourself. Once the fear and confusion ebbs, you'll almost certainly hate her and hate yourself for allowing this to happen. You can put your foot down and tell her that if she steps out, you'll be filing for divorce. But I'd go one step further and show her the door NOW, period, full stop.
LakesideDream Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Reaping what you sow. You made a deal with the devil, and the devil will be the last one standing. Move on, and don't make the same mistake again!
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Reaping what you sow. You made a deal with the devil, and the devil will be the last one standing. Move on, and don't make the same mistake again! Well said LS ~ when you dance with the devil? You don't change him! He Changes you! Most anytime you introduce a third party into a relationship! Its going to end in a bad way!
seibert253 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 You have to determine your own boundaries, but right now you're not thinking straight because of fear and confusion over the state of your marriage and the possibility of losing your wife and, in my opinion, you can't give rational consideration to where appropriate boundaries should be. Like Seibert said, you're a cuckold, one of the lowest positions on the planet that a man can occupy. Don't do this to yourself. Once the fear and confusion ebbs, you'll almost certainly hate her and hate yourself for allowing this to happen. You can put your foot down and tell her that if she steps out, you'll be filing for divorce. But I'd go one step further and show her the door NOW, period, full stop. Yes, Yes, Yes. (Yelling loudly)
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