Warheart82 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 So my and buddies have been pretty close for a few years now, and I recently dated a girl who I loved quite a lot for about 2 and a half years and things went bad we broke up. 4-5 months after that breakup, I started going out with a new girl, and after about a month I made the mistake of meeting up with my ex and things got out of hand and ended up doing things I regret with her. Needless to say, after this I had no choice but to break up with the new girlfriend, which was ok as I realize now that was a rebound, also my first experience with that as I thought I really did care about her. I felt terrible about this whole situation, and knew what I did was wrong. Anyway, I told one of my closer buddies about it and he was really pissed off because he didn't like my ex, and he ended up telling all our other friends and they were in turn dissappointed as well. Now I hardly hear from them unless I call/text them or whatever. I just think this whole situation is stupid, if they were true friends wouldnt they be able sort of "get over" it. I mean I didn't do anything directly to them, ya dissapointing is understandable but this is just stupid drama that is not needed. Me and the girl I cheated on are still friends, as far as I'm concerned if she is over it and wants to be friends, what is everybody elses problem. Any input would be nice.
Ronni_W Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I agree that it's none of their business how you do your life. Just a guess, but perhaps it's more that they do not wish to be too tight with people who would do "regrettable things" with other people, behind their partners' backs? Not that they are necessarily judging you, but that they are choosing for themselves the type of company that they prefer to keep...that part of it IS their business. Like, I don't hang out with people who express a mostly negative outlook and I don't make any efforts to get together with them. They totally have a right to be that way, and I totally have a right to not want that type of "vibe" in my life and to limit my exposure to it whenever possible. Maybe they're just using "we don't like your ex" as their excuse so that they don't come across as if they're judging you. Like I said, I'm only guessing. I'd suggest maybe to just ask them what is REALLY going on?
Author Warheart82 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I can see where you are coming from, but they know I feel horrible about it and know that is not me, just a lack of judgement one night should not effect a friendship of like 5-6 years now. Heres the kicker, the guy that has the biggest problem with this had sex with and dated one of our best friends girlfriends, and just had casual sex with another one. That is part of the reason this is pissing me off so much, he is mr perfect making what I did a huge deal, when he has gone behind a friends back and had sex with 2 of his exs.
Ronni_W Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Ah, okay -- that makes a good deal of sense! What's happened is that you triggered/activated all these people's own guilt, fears and self-judgments around this type of behaviour...and they need something to pin it on so they don't have to face themselves. You've become the scapegoat/target onto which they are projecting all their own crap. You could call them on it, in a clear, kind, honest way. But if they're not ready to acknowledge their own mistakes and shortcomings, there's not too much you can do to help with their self-awareness. Yes, it is unfair. Yes, it does crap out. Hopefully at least a couple of them are open to looking within, rather than "throwing stones" at you -- I suggest it may be worth your while to try to find out. Keep the discussion neutral/factual...not blaming, accusing, etc. Wishing you good luck...and mutually supportive and encouraging friendships!
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