HsMomma Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm not afraid of him. And when I said he probably wouldn't let me go alone I didnt mean in the way he would "ground me" or physically restrain me, I would expect to hear something along the lines of if I go I'm getting divorced. But I could be very wrong on this, we have never talked about that idea so I dont know how he would see it. I'm baseing it off of how he keeps his and our business private from everyone. Which I agree with, that is our business. But there are times when I think we need to talk to friends for advice or just to vent about something. I talked to one of my girlfriends once and that was a huge argument because I told someone else we are fighting. Sadly that is why I have turned here. I have no one to talk to. I feel like I have said to much here as it is. I'm afraid I have made him look like some kind of horrible monster, which isn't the case by any means. He really is a wonderful man, who can be a complete a** sometimes. This is my problem and I will fix it myself. I thank you all for your help. I will keep everyone's advice in mind, thank you again. JLR, that is why we're all here - to talk things out when in "real life" it seems we don't have anywhere else to turn. I hope you won't now turn your back on the advice given here. We're all (at least I think we are) trying to help. I don't think your husband is a monster - I just think he's not treating you as a true partner in this relationship. I hope for your sake that everything will turn out ok...
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm afraid I have made him look like some kind of horrible monster, which isn't the case by any means. He really is a wonderful man, who can be a complete a** sometimes. This is my problem and I will fix it myself. I thank you all for your help. They all are honey. You haven't made him look like some horrible monster. You have just illustrated that you have the same problem a lot of couples have. A lack of communication on both parts. You have never told him you don't care about him watching porn and that you do not view it as threatening to your marriage. You have never told him that you know men masturbate and that you are fine with that too. HE has never told you about his porn desires or masturbating, etc. Or why he seems to feel so threatened by you doing things that are no big deal to him. There are probably a lot of underlying things that aren't being talked about. Again -- this is REALLY common stuff. And it doesn't have to be a big blow out fight. When one person changes their approach and reactions the other person doesn't get the fuel they need to react as they normally would either. It changes the whole dynamic. Change yourself (the way you communicate and what you communicate) and he will change as well. BTW you can't say too much here -- as long as it isn't personal details -- we don't know you. It is an anonymous forum. You are right it is best not to share intimate details with most friends and family. But you have to be able to get it out somewhere and get advice or at least another perspective.
Author JLR621 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 No I am not turning my back on the advice I have gotten here. I think I am just getting mentally wore out by this. I'm sorry that last post sort of sounded like a 'goodbye' and I think that is how I meant it in at the time. But it isn't what I want. I just always thought we had a perfect relationship, now I realize it isn't. I guess none of them are, they all take some work in some way. I don't feel like an equal partner in the relationship, and that is partially my fault. I let him have so much control early on trying to prove to him he can trust me and I thought everything would work out and things would be fine. That was a bad decision and getting part of that control back to make things equal is going to be hard. But I am willing to do what I have to do. I'm glad to know this is a common problem in couples, I really was thinking I was alone in this. I'm so glad I found this site when I did, I was really lost on what to do and what to think.
HsMomma Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 No I am not turning my back on the advice I have gotten here. I think I am just getting mentally wore out by this. I'm sorry that last post sort of sounded like a 'goodbye' and I think that is how I meant it in at the time. But it isn't what I want. I just always thought we had a perfect relationship, now I realize it isn't. I guess none of them are, they all take some work in some way. I don't feel like an equal partner in the relationship, and that is partially my fault. I let him have so much control early on trying to prove to him he can trust me and I thought everything would work out and things would be fine. That was a bad decision and getting part of that control back to make things equal is going to be hard. But I am willing to do what I have to do. I'm glad to know this is a common problem in couples, I really was thinking I was alone in this. I'm so glad I found this site when I did, I was really lost on what to do and what to think. Hey, JLR, you're right - no relationship is perfect, and they do all take work in one way or another. You seem like a strong woman & you CAN do what it takes to make it work. It just takes baby steps...and speaking for myself at least, I'll be happy to be here to encourage you as you take them. You are definitely NOT alone & there are a lot of people on this site with good hearts & great advice. Sending hugs your way! And maybe a bouncing bunny to make you smile, too!
Author JLR621 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Thank you so much HsMomma, I really appreciate the support, and the bouncing bunny.
HsMomma Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Thank you so much HsMomma, I really appreciate the support, and the bouncing bunny. The bouncing bunny makes me laugh! And you're very welcome!
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