scaredtodeath Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 hello, i am a 28 yr old good looking woman who is extremely friendly and everyone loves. However, i am facing a big dilema, and that i have never wanted to face...i got married over 3 years ago with the "perfect guy"...but was i sure i wanted to get married? NO....in fact i knew, i shouldnt marry him...why? well, first of all, i was still deeply in love with my cheater ex boyfriend who kept reaching for me throughout the years. I was young and naive...all the guys i have been with...they all chetead or just used me...and finally, i find the only person who has ever been in love with me and cares for me as much as he does...but...do i love him? yes...i adore him!!!!!!!!!! i want him to be the father of my children, i also want to grow old with him, and many other things that people who are deeply in love say or feel.... However, i do not have any lust, attraction, or sexual feeling towards my husband. i never have sex with him....and somehow i tend to be out partying with friends every single day..and yes...i have to sadly confess, i have cheated on my husband many many times.... and i feel sooooooo bad... some of you might think....it is nice to say you feel so bad...but chances are, i did not think that way while i was cheating correct? well, you are right...i am a pig...terrible person...at the begining i felt pretty bad, but then it became a normal thing to do! Now i realized that i am not getting any younger, and so does him....it is just not fair that we continue to pretend to be happily married while i am doing all this things behind his back... he is such a good guy...he doesn't deserve the crap i am doing to him...even though, he does not know that i have cheated... no matter what people say, i will not tell him...as it will be too much...i just dont have any physical attraction...but many times i continue to think..that if i see a counselor , maybe they can help me to fall in love again??? but i dont know!!! my best friend and her husband keep saying that i am still young and that falling in love again is just for TV ...that , it just doesnt happen....i really want him to be my love...my only love...but i cant create any attraction... ps. i come from a very traumatic divorce family , where my father ( very wealthy men) cheated on my mom many many times and i have half sisters and brothers from 2 different relationships that my father had while he was still married to my mom. also, my husband suffers from premature eyaculation and sex has never been good for me. ( if this helps your judgement) please help...
mark982 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 lady, the best thing you can do is just leave!! why you just didn't do that before you first cheated is beyond me.you say you don't wanna hurt him,but what do you think you're doing now,and i'm not even refering to your ho-ing.he deserves to be happy with someone who loves him,and wants him.since you don't want him,you're robbing him of happiness.you also must tell him to get checked for std's. i know you used protection,but it's not fool proof,you're putting his life at stake cause of your actions.
Author scaredtodeath Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 wow! thanks...your commets are hurtful...but i guess i deserve it 100%! thank you for sharing your comments...
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 The hot passionate love as depicted on TV is for the most part a myth ~ fallacy. There are some couples of love his other just as much sixty years down the line as they day they got married. But for most it doesn't last. If we're fortunate hot passionate love turns into a deep mutual admiration and respect for one another based on shared triumphs, challenges, burdens, over-coming obstacles. A history of a shared lifetime together. Attraction? People are attracted to you based upon how you make them feel. Not how they make you feel. Since your only 28, (and I assume he's the same age) and have only been married for three years ~ I have to ask? What do you know about marriage? What class in high school, or college did you take that told you all you needed to know about marriage? When was the last marriage seminar / retreat that you went to? What was the last book that you read on how to make a marriage work. And you can rest assured that you know more how to make a marriage / relationship work than your typical man (as if they're even interested until you drop the bomb on them and walk out on them. So tell me? The plan is to drop the DH and go find yourself a Brad Pitt or George Conney? :lmao: The problem with finding a good man? Is that its like trying to find a good job. What one's they're or? Are generally taken, the women that have them plan on keeping them, and your just about going to have to kill them to get them away. Yea the two of you have issues, in and out of bed. And I'm saying you should stay or go? But, until you get your head and act together, you need to stick a dime between your knees and keep it there. He deserves the truth and better treatment that what you've been dishing out!
Author scaredtodeath Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 thank you very much....your response was very respectful and gave me some wisdom. I will turn 28 next month and he will turn 31 in three months. i find him very good looking....believe when i say...looks is not my first priority when finding someone....but it helps if given the opportunity. i have not read any books or done anything that you mentioned in regards to making it work...the issue is that every time he kisses me , i dislike it a lot!! i dont get aroused not even a tiny bit....i am kind of feeling as if i was kissing my own brother...i adore my hubby, i wish i could have some chemestry, like we did when we first met....( i know this is so typical) but instead of having the attraction go down little by little....it completely vanished!!! so....if i read the books, seminars, and stuff...do you think is possible to fall in love again? or should i not waste any more of his time and have him find someone who can love him as much as he loves me? personally, i do have to stick a dime between my legs and look for a psychologist, because i need to fix all the things i bring back from my childhood that might be related with my inmature decision of getting married at first!!!! i attrack a lot of people...i am confident that i can find someone later on in life....but...would it be my prince charming? maybe not...but i guess i need to pay somehow what i am doing to such a wonderful person... again....he is not all that good...as there are many things that happened in our life to bring down the passion...(cancer, premature eyaculation, he never wants to go out, etcetc) but like you said....no one is perfect! i really dont know...even how to confront him....he is very unhappy but does great prettending everything is peachy!!!
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Fortunately for us men, women aren't as visual as we are. No the way through a woman's heart, (and other parts of her body) is through the other four senses than it is through the eyes. But it all comes together in the brain. The visual helps, but a man cannot attract a women (or at least keep her attracted for very long) if he doesn't engage the other four senses. Women have much bigger eyes than men, (which is what's behind eye makeup ~ to accentuate them. But women also have more nerve ending and thus are more sensitive to the touch ~ which is why a man's skin texture and such are different from women's. But the big one? Smell and taste. Women also have more nerve receptors in the mouth and nose. In fact 10,000 more in the nose that your average man. Which is why taste and smell is such a big deal to women? All of this to bring this: [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. What are pheromones? [/COLOR][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][sIZE=-1][/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][sIZE=-1]A. Pheromones are naturally occurring chemicals that send out subconscious scent signals to the opposite sex that trigger very powerful sexual responses.[/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. How are pheromones detected? [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. Pheromone signals are detected through an organ 3 inches inside the nose called the Vomeronasal Organ (VNO). When the VNO detects pheromones, it sends a sexual response signal to the brain.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. What is VNO?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. The Vomeronasal Organ or VNO is the receptor organ of a sensory system involved in chemical communication. Among mammals, sex Pheromones that advertise sexual readiness to potential mates are often, although not necessarily exclusively, detected by the VNO. Odors that are produced by one individual and detected by another of the same species are called "Pheromones" if the process is a real communication with benefit to both individuals. Sexual communication is only one example. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]How come I haven't heard about human pheromones or this interesting new sense organ before?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A: Because it's a recent discovery and the media is only beginning to report this scientific advancement! Although you may not have heard of pheromones and the VNO receptor yet, you will, They're fast becoming household words.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. Is there any evidence to show that Pheromones are effective in attracting women? [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A: There is plenty of evidence. With the advances in science, the evidence that pheromones are effective in attracting women is growing rapidly. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. Do we give off pheromones naturally?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. Absolutely. We're chemically communicating with each other all the time. That's something many people don't realize.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. If we produce our own pheromones, why do we need the help of pheromones?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. Because of our cultural habits. What do we do first thing in the morning? Take a shower. It washes off our pheromones! Consequently, we're phenomenally deprived. (Furthermore, we tend to dress from head to toe, thereby covering 90% of the very skin that releases pheromones into the air.) When we put on synthetic pheromones, we're actually replacing pheromones we've washed off. By supplementing our lost pheromones with ----------------, we're really "getting back to nature," and re-establishing chemical communication with people around us.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. How do you use Pheromones ?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. Pheromones is best applied directly on to your skin, on your pulse points (neck, wrist, behind ears). The biggest mistake made by beginners is putting on too much. Because of the concentration of pheromones, only one spray is necessary. If you mostly want to affect women 30 or over, start with 1 spray, and then work your way up on different days... 2 one day.. 1 the next day... Don't start high and move your way back. To affect women under 30, stick with just 1 spray. Using more WILL NOT increase the effectiveness This also gives you more "bang for the buck". Obviously, by using less, you don't run out as fast. Using the least amount possible, you benefit by getting better results, at a much lower overall cost. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. How long do pheromones last?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]A. Our pheromones last approximately 4-8 hours when applied on appropriate spots.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Q. What are the benefits of using Pheromones ?[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]-More eye contacts and smiles from the opposite sex -You will be found more sexually attractive -More dates and sexual intercourse [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]-A rejuvenation of your current relationship -More passionate lovemaking -The opposite sex will feel more relaxed and at ease with you -The opposite sex will start up conversation with you -Increase your self confidence -Same sex will intuitively respect you -Better business / employment relationships [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] So its entirely possible that it comes down to your DH literally washing your natural attraction down the drain each morning? The receptors in your nose? Well what did those other guys have that the DH doesn't. The DH needs to educated himself. He's become complacent in his marriage with you and is taking you for granted. Not wanting to go anywhere leaves you with the "Friday Night Blues" in which he's slipping his shoes off and your slipping yours own. You not the first? And you want be the last. He's probably a bad "kisser" Most men are. They're slobbering, trying to deep throat their tongue down your tonsils. He needs to practice the slow -lightly nibble lips- pull back- stare into eyes-SLOW,SLOW,SLOW ~building ANTICIPATION, ANTICIPATION, ANTICIPATION! Most men move WAY too fast in their seduction. They're not women, and so they don't understand that women for the most part, most of the time ~ crave, need, desire ANTICIPIATION? Women call it foreplay! Most men have no conception of the term. Which has very little with groping the private parts until its in the last half of the fourth quarter. You might want to read my post to this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t191091/ Especially the last two books? Hell just the picture on page 168 of "How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure" is worth the price of the book! :eek: Finally? One of the reason KISSINGis such a big thing to women? Women have a lot less testosterone than men? Testosterone is what drives the sex drive in both sexes. Being a "Minute-Man" can be cured with most men with a minimum of effort, its just learning a little skill, technique? ( Not that I am one? But I think about baseball! :bunny: ) Guess what kissing does? Its transmits a man's testerone through saliva to the woman. We teach people how to treat us! You can do with the current DH, or you can sit in the nursing home like so many people (men and women) talking about their first, second, third, fourth, fifth, six ex-spouse? Forget that! [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]
theBrokenMuse Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I'd go to counseling. Listening to your story I was certain that you were a young kid. I wasn't expecting to hear 28 at all. If you are trapped in this kind of emotional immaturity you owe it to yourself and him to find out the reasons behind it.
Author scaredtodeath Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 yes he is a bad kisser, yes we have never had foreplay because he comes to quick...a minute would be a miracle!!! i go out and i am attracted to something i cant have...he has gone to doctors and has been given pills and what not...but whatever...nothing works....i learned to be disgusted to sex...so when i decided to teach and everything was perfuect! i fall in love and lost any type of attraction...i dont know if i want to sit there and lay while he gets better...i am a 28 yr old woman...he is a very nice person and a wonderful friend and husband...but...i am the complete opossite...i am very sexual and outgoing...(he is very shy)...i dont even know if it is worth the try, which can take forever!!! i got married with an extremely inmature mind...just going by the flow...and what i thought would loke good! and now i dont know what to do!
Author scaredtodeath Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 i dont understand your last response ?
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Well first off you need to quit beating yourself up! And you need to speak with someone about your past (childhood) and present! A Lot of sexual drive comes from hormones, which serve one purpose and one purpose only?? To pass on your genes ~ and its very much a drive. Your need to pro-create and pass on your genes? Your genes don't give a damn if your a Christian, Muslim, Jew, whatever? Your biological to pro-create doesn't have a damn thing to do with anything but to pass on your DNA. Men peak sexually around the age of 18. Women don't begin to peak sexually until their late twenties to mid thirties. The nerve endings in a woman's vagina aren't even fully formed and developed until their mid thirties (most women) So you've got that going on? Most women in all cultures, are raised with an "anti-slut" defense. Its still very prevalent in Third World Cultures, and is a hold over from "back in the day" in Western Cultures. Its back when girls, women weren't of much use in providing for aging parents, and all property rights were passed down to the oldest children. The only benefit 2000 years ago in having a daughter, was in marrying her off, and acquiring a "son in law? You could tend the sheep, goats, fields, etc. There's an episode of the Andy Griffith show in which this was brought out in 1960's, in which a farmer didn't have a son, and worked his daughter like she was one on the farm? Andy taught him that if he let her be a woman, dress like a woman? He could gain another farm hand? My point being? There's a lot going on here? You've got past history from your childhood, you've got past history going on with the DH? And you've got things going on with your body that you've no control over? Somewhere see your affairs as lying, cheating, yada~yada! When they're not a woman's body telling you to have babies, pass on your genes, pass on your DNA! Its a man nature to sow their wild oats! But you know what? Its a woman's nature to gather them!
Author scaredtodeath Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 thank you very much...i am going to seek for some professional help! and just an FYI.... your story about thirld world countries and their history...you got that right! i am originally from Colombia (lived there until i turned 18)..and married my hubby (american) at 25!! i think that what you have mentioned in this threads are helping me tons...although, i should have never experienced outside my marriage without ending it first! thank you so very much!
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 All the "[FONT=arial, helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000] crap! You'll go damn blind trying to read and make sense of it! I tried to clean it up? But the 240 minute rule, or the mods corrected something! Damn! I was doing good! Its been almost been a year since Tony spanked me and sent me across the curb! I try and preview before I post, but sometimes I get "Happy Fingers" which make me worry about B-52 and B-2 pilots carrying nukes?
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 thank you very much...i am going to seek for some professional help! and just an FYI.... your story about third world countries and their history...you got that right! i am originally from Colombia (lived there until i turned 18)..and married my hubby (American) at 25!! i think that what you have mentioned in this threads are helping me tons...although, i should have never experienced outside my marriage without ending it first! thank you so very much! Ah! So your probably Catholic ~ which means you've got the "anti-slut' X 10 or by a factor of 20? You've got to understand? Your a woman! Its a man's job to sow his seed! Its your job to collect it! To become pregnant, have and raise babies, pass on your and his DNA and genes! A lot of what drives you? Is your own hormones! Your reason for being a woman! Your need to have a and raise a child? Its your nature to do what you do? It doesn't have anything to do with the Pope! Its doesn't have anything to do with the Vatican? Its your nature as a woman to be a woman! Its your nature as a woman to be a woman! 2000 to 10,000 years ago some goat herder decided women were good for only a couple of things, ~ cooking, cleaning, having sex with, having children, marrying off to gain another son-in-law to tend his fields, his flock of sheep, his goats? 2000 to 10,000 years ago? Son's were the modern day equivalent of Social Security and Medicare. Guess what? This is 2009 and your America! I'm not defending your adultery? Nor am I justifying it. But I'm not condemning it! I've seen how women and girls are treated in Third World Countries!. Dogs are treated better in America! The way I've seen some women and children treated in Third World Countries? I would have shot the SOB's just on "general principal?" I don't have any problem killing ~ what needs killing!
ebedmelech Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 yep... from reading your post I stepped on your toes. you know what they say..." if the shoe fits, throw it at 'em!"
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