Mike B. Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Hey. I haven't posted here in a while. My original post regarding a woman I had dated for a year but cheated on me with one of our coworkers can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164555/ To sum it all up, I dated a woman who I work with for a year. Although I never thought she was the nicest and most generous person in the world, I continued to date her because it seemed like she had her life together, we both worked in the same field and her son and I grew attached to each other (he looked up to me as a father figure and I saw him as a son). Anyway, we had a nasty break up after I found out about what she had done. What made it so bad, she rubbed things in my face afterwards by referring to herself as "dating men" and trying especially hard to laugh real loud around the workplace and continue to disappear into rooms right in my face with the guy she had cheated on me with. I took the high road and just began to ignore her whenever we worked in the same area and not contacting her at all. I held noting against my colleague whom she cheated on me with. The guy and I work closely together a lot of times and I refused this whole thing destroy my professionalism. Eight months go by and all of a sudden, I received an email from her eight year-old son with the message that he was now allowed to use email. This email was also CC to two other people in his family. Well, I was glad to hear from him and did not want to ignore him just because of what his mother did although I suspected that his mother would read his emails and supervise them. I did wonder if she was using him for something but knowing her son's personality, it was just as easy to assume that he pushed her into letting him contact me. Her and I only had to speak once since then in a work-related manner. I behaved professionally and did not show any attitude. Well, after her son and I sent about three emails back and forth, I received an email from his mother stating that her son kept asking about me after we broke up so she decided to let him email me so he could see for himself that I was okay. She asked if it was okay for him to continue to email me. I replied with a simple "it is okay." She then replied with another email asking if it would also be okay if she spoke to me at work just to say "hi." I ignored that email and did not reply to it at all. I assumed that I would not hear from her son again but I do not want to have contact with her. To my surprise, she continued to let her son email me. So we continued to email each other back and forth with light conversation such as about school, pets, and video games. Well, now we have been emailing each other sporadically about a month or so. He mostly emails me and I reply to them. I have been trying not to get too attached because I suspect that his mother will end it soon since I was not willing to talk to her and he and I would probably just wind up being disappointed eventually. Today, she sent me an email saying she just wanted to ask one question and then she will not bother me any more. She asked if I "hate" her. My instinct is just to continue to ignore her and not give her any ammunition to use in any sort of way in the future. I feel that what she did and how she behaved after I found out about it is probably one of the most cold-hearted things I ever witnessed in another person. She behaved as someone who had absolutely no conscience and it was really sad to know that I had grown close to someone who was capable of such behavior. I just wanted to get some other ideas on this although I am 99% sure I shouldn't reply at all.
wow123 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I would reply. I would tell her what she did to make you hate her in a mature manner. She will lose respect for herself.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you reply, just tell your you don't have any room in your life to hate her. Let her know you don't really consider her either way, you've moved on and left everything in the past and really have nothing more to say about the matter. I think that would sum it up in a nice way that lets you keep your dignity and get the point across.
boogieboy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 My first instinct would be to ignore her. But ignoring her wont make her feel really bad. I would tell her that I have moved on, but she is still a horrendously bad person for what she did. She doesnt want you to hate her, but she doesnt deserve forgiveness. But I dont want to encourage you to take the low road, so I say ignore her. I wouldnt send her any kind of message that makes her feel like you forgave her. ignore her.
BCCA Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 The ONLY thing shes looking for is validation that shes not a terrible person. If you dont hate her after what shes done, than she shouldnt feel all that bad about it. While its tempting to response, the absolute best thing to do is ignore her. Let her think what she will, you cant care anymore. While hatred is never a good thing, its just not fair to you that she gets to ask questions like this and then walk away for good. Espeically after what she did. Let her figure it out on her own. Mean words and harsh statements can sting initially, but silence is gutwrenching.
boogieboy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 The ONLY thing shes looking for is validation that shes not a terrible person. If you dont hate her after what shes done, than she shouldnt feel all that bad about it. While its tempting to response, the absolute best thing to do is ignore her. Let her think what she will, you cant care anymore. While hatred is never a good thing, its just not fair to you that she gets to ask questions like this and then walk away for good. Espeically after what she did. Let her figure it out on her own. Mean words and harsh statements can sting initially, but silence is gutwrenching. Very eloquently put.
Author Mike B. Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Very eloquently put. I agree. BCCA's post is my thought exactly on this situation. I just wanted to know if I might be missing something on another point of view. Thanks. Also, maybe she will learn from this whole thing if she continues to see that I will ignore her. Maybe she will think twice about treating the next guy like she treated me. On the other hand, maybe people like her never learn.
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