Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Wow, you sound great, but you dont need to sleep around, hang out, date, it's all good. he just threw away what sounds like a great woman, all for a piece of azz. what an idiot. But you cant educate others, if they want to act stupid, then that's their problem. But hey you sound awesome. Much luck in the future for you! keep posting give people updates.
Author reallysadonacot Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 hmmm, freudian slip? i said I was vacillating between phases, but I didn't think that quickly. I meant INdependent from their craziness. I'll keep you posted on how things shape up for me in the coming weeks and months. p.s.-- I am seeing a self-proclaimed "feminist psychotherapy" group for consultations next week. sweet! btw, i have been doing a lot of hiking, walking on the beach, yoga, purifying massage (i told the massage therapist that I had something very traumatic happen to me and didn't want to store any of the negativity in my body and she put out all the stops and was like a cleansing witchdoctor! i couldn't thank her, or tip her, enough!) I have been spending a ton of money at the whole foods-esq places and eating better (though not a ton of calories) than I ever have consistently in my life. I have elimated so many causes of stress from my life (even if some are temporary-- the 2 weeks i took off work). there has been spontanously healing in my life-- i was so stressed out and sick with worry when I didn't know that my skin looked like **** and i was rundown and anxious. my sister (who has been absolutely amazing. i would say i owe her one, and I do, but I been there for her through something pretty terrible in her life) says that I look like a new person. I feel like a new person. this is over the top new age-y, but I feel like I am living/finding my truth. that gives me acceptance of this thing. of course, he didn't have to to it like this. A simple "I want out" would have sufficed-- there are at least 50 ways to leave your lover (and 50 ways to stay!). But I am happy about where I am. Unbelievable. and I have deep faith that I will cultivate the life and relationships I want. so, just a little reminder to everyone from my experience: when the going get tough, get in your body. stay there and don't come out till its blue sky.
Tizzy Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 "I am happy about where I am. Unbelievable. and I have deep faith that I will cultivate the life and relationships I want." That's the key! You sound like an incredible, strong woman, Kiley. I commend you on dumping this....loser isn't even a strong enough word, f**ker maybe? What doesn't kill the mess out of us, might make a mess out of us temporarily, but if we are wise we use these experiences to make us stronger people and better decision makers. I wish you the best of luck and know that your life will be so much better going forward, simply because that sorry cheating POS is no longer in it. Stay positive!
lkjh Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 kicked both of them out of your life and never speak to them
Author reallysadonacot Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 hello all, just wanted to give a little update at 3 months after the shocking news that my boyfriend of several years (9 1/2) and one of my "best friends" (married, nonetheless) were had a bizarre affair (2 weeks sexual then this hyper-dependent, seemed as if designed to infict as much pain as possible, emotional thing while he was with me at my family's reunion nonetheless and then visting with his family for whom I am a daughter). Have not spoken with either of them since leaving. I know he is back on the East coast because my mom moved my things out of our shared apartment with him (he sobbed. i instructed my lovely mom that there was to be no crying and as little talking as possible). I just moved into my lovely new abode in California where I am enjoying the freedom of living alone and not being accountable to anyone but myself. Bought turquoise paint for the bathroom today. haha, its my house, I can can paint the town (or at least the bathroom) aqua! Still taking things one day at a time. Trying not to put too much pressure on myself. Strung the summer with a few fun little interludes and relationships with men who have for the most part become new friends and positive additions to my life and am entering a next little phase of not really needing anyone's company but my own (and having the time just to pursue friendships/ connect more deeply with the women in my life). The message board was such a useful tool in processing the drastically different world that I happened into one morning, when my "love" wanted to give me a letter. what a ****ing letter. jeeesus. man, did that hurt. a boatload of positive thoughts to all of you who are still in the nightmare. I mean I'm still there too, but in the words of Gloria Gaynor "I will survive." you will too. The strangest part is remembering this faculty of free will. I thought that I had this muscle well-honed but with this paradigm-shifting event, I have been ever amazed and grateful for the fact that we are capable of just re-making our world/ our lives whenever we want or are called upon to do so. The stuck-ness is the worst part when someone whose life is intwined with your life betrays that bond. may peace be the journey, K.
Trojan John Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Good on you. I sincerely wish that more stories like yours ended up on such a positive note. All the best.
JumpinJimmy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 RSOAC, did you buy a bed yet or is it still the cot for you? It is good to hear that some of the BS's or BG's have found some type of peace. One thing that I learned in this thread, is that I now realize that 90% of men's affairs are driving by one thing...P****. I don't mean that he wasn't getting it from you, that you were not satisfying to him, etc..what I mean, is the fact that according to you, the two of you had an ideal relationship, yet he threw it all away for a short term physical affair. The women out there, need to stop over analyzing the motives for men's infidelities and get back to the basics.
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