Kamille Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 All right! If there are any shy guys out there, please help me out: Do you ever make the first move on a girl? If not, why not, and how has that affected your love life, be it positively or negatively. If you have.... What made you decide to make a move?
EddieN Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I think I can vouch for a shy guy. Yes, I make many moves on girls, but I usually need a smile or at least eye contact before I can do it. Not always, but several moments of eye contact help. Most of the time, though, I am not successful. I'd say 1/2 the time the girl had a boyfriend and I just caught her eye (sometimes I think she would have cheated, but I won't do that), maybe 1/3 of the time she seemed to lost interest after talking with her, a few times the girl totally ignored my attempts to strike up a conversation, a few times she was just being friendly, and a few times she was totally crazy or a bitch. Oh, and maybe 10 times something more happened, from getting a good night kiss and never hearing from her again to having sex. Since my beginning in college 2 years ago, I'd guess that I made moves on 20-30 girls. There have probably been another 30-40 girls who I wanted to talk to but couldn't bring myself to it because of not getting a good opportunity (like, if she was always with friends) or just not having enough balls at the time. These are rough estimates.
39388 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It made dating non existent, though I was more fearful than shy. I'm starting to be more agressive now. I'm getting closer than I want to being the 40 year old virgin, so I have to start doing things that are not comfortable and take more risks.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well, yes and no. I've made the move once in a while, but it's a rarity. EddieN is practically a player compared to me! I've only made a move on people I already know (I'm no good with strangers). Admittedly, the times I did make a move, things didn't pan out as hoped. Overall, shyness has worked as a huge negative. But it's who I am, and I've accepted it. Funny, isn't it? I've come close to being killed in a variety of ways (baseball bat, contract, knife, and gun). Not once was I intimidated by it. But put a chick in the picture, and I'm toast.
Author Kamille Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys! I agree that Eddie doesn't sound that shy to me. Basically what you're saying Eddie is that you'll approach girls who give you a signal. 39388, what are you doing to be more agressive? Have you started making moves? If so, what conditions need to be there for you to make a move? And JB, how well did you know those people and what finally made you make a move (even though it didn't work out)? Did you think they had given you signs that they might be interested? And if so, what were those signs?
EddieN Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Funny, isn't it? I've come close to being killed in a variety of ways (baseball bat, contract, knife, and gun). Not once was I intimidated by it. But put a chick in the picture, and I'm toast. LOL, funny you say that. I'm fearless in a lot of other ways. I'll do dangerous things, touch dangerous things, eat dangerous things, go to dangerous places. I'm not afraid of girls, but I'm definitely more confident with almost everything else that requires some risk. And like you said, I've had a few scary experiences like fights (nothing with a gun yet, though) and I never flinched. Hell, last year I got into a horrible accident on the interstate. My car spun and flipped several times. All I remember when it was over was opening my door, stepping out, scratching my head, and saying "Damnnnn, what the hell happened?" Just saying, that in every other realm besides girls, I radiate confidence. Girls, eh, my confidence is mediocre.
EddieN Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I agree that Eddie doesn't sound that shy to me. Basically what you're saying Eddie is that you'll approach girls who give you a signal. Maybe I'm not that shy, but I don't ALWAYS approach girls who give me a signal. For example, there was one gorgeous girl I would see around campus last semester. She was obviously into me. She would sometimes even double-take when she first spotted me and looked away. The bad thing was that she was always with at least one other person. I have trouble approaching a group unless they say something to me first. 1/2 of the times I saw her she was with a group that had a few guys even, and there was no way I could pull that off. I look back now and I think that maybe I could have approached her table in the dining hall if she was just with one other girl. The problem is, everyone is so separated here. People don't sit with strangers. My going up to their table and saying, "Mind if I sit with you girls?" is taboo for some reason. Still, I wish I tried.
39388 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 39388, what are you doing to be more agressive? Have you started making moves? If so, what conditions need to be there for you to make a move? I've joined 2 dating sites, one of them today. I've started to send out first contacts whether it be a message or a flirt or a wink. I still have a lot of fear inside me, having never kissed anyone in my mid 30s, let alone more than that. I have fear of being asked my dating history, which is one date two months ago. She made first contact, but I did ask for the date. A boring date after all that. I have to fight these fears and ask for dates and hopefully guess right as to when to make physical contact. It's either take these risks or end up alone.
zhsoj Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'm pretty shy. Never done the cold approach and really don't ever plan to. My shyness stems more from my lack of human contact on a consistent basis than much anything else. Mostly it's a function of the field I work in. Anyways... Yes, I guess my dating life has suffered terribly seeing as I've ever only "dated" one gal... On the other hand I seriously question what exactly makes a good relationship if everyone is standing around debating gender roles and who should do what when...
Soul Bear Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you want to get over your shyness, there is only one cure. You just gotta do, go up to that girl you look at and just give her the line you have been wanting to say in your head. You might get knocked back, but the more you do it, the less shy you become
Yamaha Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I've joined 2 dating sites, one of them today. I've started to send out first contacts whether it be a message or a flirt or a wink. I still have a lot of fear inside me, having never kissed anyone in my mid 30s, let alone more than that. I have fear of being asked my dating history, which is one date two months ago. She made first contact, but I did ask for the date. A boring date after all that. I have to fight these fears and ask for dates and hopefully guess right as to when to make physical contact. It's either take these risks or end up alone. What you have to do is not let rejection define you and take it personally. You should always make physical contact with a women you find sexually attractive.
fishtaco Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you want to get over your shyness, there is only one cure. You just gotta do, go up to that girl you look at and just give her the line you have been wanting to say in your head. You might get knocked back, but the more you do it, the less shy you become Yup. There's no way around it. The only solution is to stop being shy.
EddieN Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you want to get over your shyness, there is only one cure. You just gotta do, go up to that girl you look at and just give her the line you have been wanting to say in your head. You might get knocked back, but the more you do it, the less shy you become The funniest memories with approaching girls are the ones where I grew a huge pair and didn't give a crap. I screwed up big time, but I walked away laughing. Last year at the beach I went up to some girl, sat down, and started talking to her. It went pretty badly. She obviously wanted me to go away, mentioned her boyfriend and the works. A minute in I thought "f*** it" and said, "Ok, I'm gonna go. You're mad hot. I'm going to be over there if you want to come over. Otherwise, have a nice life. :D"
start-fresh Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 A minute in I thought "f*** it" and said, "Ok, I'm gonna go. You're mad hot. I'm going to be over there if you want to come over. Otherwise, have a nice life. :D" How long till she came over?
alphamale Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 All right! If there are any shy guys out there, please help me out: Do you ever make the first move on a girl? If not, why not, and how has that affected your love life, be it positively or negatively. If you have.... What made you decide to make a move? can i comment on this or is that not appropriate?
EddieN Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 How long till she came over? I'm still waiting. Good news was that I met 2 girls a bit later that same day, and they were friendly. The one I thought was cute had a bf though, but it was cool hanging out with them.
Lights Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 All right! If there are any shy guys out there, please help me out: Do you ever make the first move on a girl? If not, why not, and how has that affected your love life, be it positively or negatively. If you have.... What made you decide to make a move? I was shy once, and even today I'm not in any way a 'party animal' by a long shot, nor someone who enjoys most socializing that much in and of itself. I overcame the shyness via a self-impelled "forced march" in my late teens. It was very much not a happy experience, and it still is an infuriating and painful experience now. I undergo such trouble to meet people at all only because to do otherwise in the existing circumstances is to guarantee my own total isolation; sickeningly, I don't see any routine, finely-honed and confidently-delivered approaches (or any approaches at all, for that matter) coming my way from modern, socially adept young women even in this new millennium, regardless of my own efforts. I do make first moves. Every single time. I am given no other choice.
monkey00 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I have my on and off days. Some days if I'm around a girl I'm into and I'm getting signals, I could wind up being shy/nervous and not doing anything at all. Other days if I'm feeling confident I'll smile and say hi and strike up a conversation. Usually though in most cases I try to make EC with the girl and smile to gauge her interest and see if she does the same. If she catches me looking and doesn't necessarily smile back...I just quickly dart my eyes elsewhere. But from what I've seen the most confident flirty women are the ones with boyfriends. The ones that are single usually aren't as flirty unfortunately.
Land Shark Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I'm generally pretty shy. But every once in a while I meet a girl who brings out the tiger in me. And then look out. Rawr!
neowulf Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I'm generally pretty shy. But every once in a while I meet a girl who brings out the tiger in me. And then look out. Rawr! Lol. I can kind of relate to that actually Land Shark. I'll go for months and months without talking or making eye contact with a girl. Then one day out of the blue, I'll meet one and suddenly I'm 6ft tall and bullet proof Walk right up, introduce myself and get her number while my friends stare at me asking themselves.. "Err. what the hell? Where did our mate go and who's this guy?"
SAM619_ssc Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I have the same problem, I asked out a good friend of mine a few months back and she hasn't spoken to me since. This has now put me off asking people out, but I know that this is the only way that I'm gona get a girlfriend. Now I'm not sure if a girl's 'signals' are real or she just caught my eye. There is a beautiful girl at my college but I don't know whether she literally just caught my eye or whether she actually likes me, and this is hard to get over.
BlueHarvest Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I don't approach women too often. I have to get to know them first. Unfortunately this means that I either end up dating people at social scenes that return to those social scenes, or I end up dating co-workers...(which isn't the best idea). I do work in retail and have a few women who are repeat customers who love chatting with me. I talk to them, I've even given my number to a few. But apparently *Me* giving *my number* to them...is the wrong thing to do I've learned. 'Cause not one of them has called back. The one I asked for her number we went on two dates on before she flaked out. I guess in each successful situation, It has boiled down to me growing the balls to approach someone. But signals aren't always clear as daylight....
Author Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 On the other hand I seriously question what exactly makes a good relationship if everyone is standing around debating gender roles and who should do what when... Please don't confuse LS for the real world. We love debating those on here, but most of my real life friends don't spend much time debating gender roles. can i comment on this or is that not appropriate? Yeah sure! All comments welcomed. But from what I've seen the most confident flirty women are the ones with boyfriends. The ones that are single usually aren't as flirty unfortunately. Yeah, I can see how that would happen. In fact, this thread is a spin-off of another thread where women discuss their own insecurities when it comes to dating. As in, "what if I give a guy the green light and he thinks I'm ugly?". And when I'm single I'm like you guys... I'm generally pretty shy until I run into the guy where everything just seems to click. I'm generally pretty shy. But every once in a while I meet a girl who brings out the tiger in me. And then look out. Rawr! Oh no! A Landshark tiger! I might need a robot to save me! I have the same problem, I asked out a good friend of mine a few months back and she hasn't spoken to me since. This has now put me off asking people out, but I know that this is the only way that I'm gona get a girlfriend. Oh I'm sorry your friend turned you down. Usually by the time two people have entered what they consider a good friendship, one of them has been friendzoned by the other. I should know, it's happened to me in the past, and it's the very reason why I've promised myself that if nothing happens within a few weeks with guys I think are cute, then I just move on to the next prospect. I do work in retail and have a few women who are repeat customers who love chatting with me. I talk to them, I've even given my number to a few. But apparently *Me* giving *my number* to them...is the wrong thing to do I've learned. 'Cause not one of them has called back. The one I asked for her number we went on two dates on before she flaked out. I guess in each successful situation, It has boiled down to me growing the balls to approach someone. But signals aren't always clear as daylight.... LOL! Yeah, I never return calls when guys give me their number. Don't ask me why. I wonder if it ever works for any guy. Yup, another unfair double standard.
Raderick Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 All right! If there are any shy guys out there, please help me out: Do you ever make the first move on a girl? Hardly, if ever. If not, why not, and how has that affected your love life, be it positively or negatively. Mostly negative, for obvious reasons. Shyness and overall anxiety due to lack of "experience" and human contact pretty much has clouded my view on dating as a whole. Plus I'm sick of all of the games people play.
Brady_to_Moss Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I am soo shy when it comes to this stuff and you know what..i asked a girl out last week and she was such a beauty. I thought i was for sure i was going to be rejected. Went out on my first date in 4 years and had so much fun. Now i am going to her house this week for some drinks in her hot tub. We really hit it off. I was so hard for me to ask her out and actually go through with the date. Usally ill make excuses as to why i cant go, but i told myself that i wouldnt this time and i didnt! Kept the
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