trevorm11115 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It's been nearly three years. There have been peak moments throughout that time with some lows to balance things. Relationships. They can be ugly and yet I rememeber things of recent past that both make me smile and frown at the same time. Now I stand at a crossroads. Of late, there has been a change. Make no mistake, we have always had problems. They just seemed to culminate into a mess that I don't think I can handle any more. I suppose I should tell you who it is I speak of. My girlfriend and I met through an online dating service a couple of years ago. By chance, we were both sane and while our interests differed a bit, it seemed to compliment our weaknesses by stressing our strengths on one another. We adapted and accepted each other despite our differences. As time went on, the aforementioned highs and lows kicked in. Nothing major ever took place. Neither of us ever cheated nor did we get into any huge fights. Perhaps the latter is what fed unto the present dilemma. As time went on, it seemed like my girlfriend stopped adapting. She wanted me to change to fit into her mold of a man. At first, I didn't object. I was no slave in the relationship and the changes she sought actually made me a better person... Or so I thought. I know now that no one should change for another person - Not their core persona anyways - But I was in love... And maybe I still am. I am a sexual person. Not perverted, mind you, but I enjoy sex as much as any other average adult. Once upon a time, we shared this bond but not to the point of being excessive (Okay, maybe in the beginning. Haha!). As I mentioned before, things changed however. Sex became less and less frequent. While I still desire her, anymore it seemed like she did it only to appease me. Sometimes there was passion but for the most part, it was "strictly business". To make matters worse, the frequency of these encounters began to head for a drastic decline. Now the both of us are in our mid-20's. Sex is not taboo to us - Or at least it isn't to me - But she now only accepts sex a couple times a month. This leads me unto my next issue, which is likely even of greater concern: A lack of commitment. To be fair, she receives a great deal of pressure. Her parents are old fashioned and unfortunately, she lives with them. That means that despite her age, she feels obligated to follow their rules. To do otherwise is shameful. To exemplify this further, she has a curfew of 10pm on the weekends. She can -never- sleep over. On top of this, living together is taboo! It isn't that she doesn't want it (Although she clearly seems uncomfortable with the idea), but the pressure of friends and family has brought her to the conclusion that if we are to live together pre-marriage, it'll have to be on a "secret" standard. Nearly three years. We've been together for so long and even to think of life without her used to bring a tear to my eye. It still pains my heart even to type this - To consider what I might have to do. I care for her deeply but my love for her seems to be dying... We are stagnant. Instead of growing together, we seem to be molding... And not in a good way. I can't picture a future with her. Not anymore. But in my heart, I refuse to believe that this is the end. My mind says otherwise. I wonder now if I am simply going through a phase? Talking to her about these things only creates grief. Sometimes I wish she'd end it just so I don't have to break her heart. I type now out of impulse. Any comments or suggests are welcome. I thank you for reading my post but I feel that any other rabble would only serve to further bias what should be an open post.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I know how you feel about the decline is sex life, I experienced the same thing, all while she told me nothing had changed and I was just imagining it. This doesn't sound like a "phase" to me. If you can't imagine a future with her then do what you need to do. It's good that she wants to keep her family happy but at some point in life you realize your family (parents at least) will be gone one day and you need to worry about who you want to spend your life with. If it doesn't seem like she's willing to commit to you any time soon because she is busy keeping other people happy, it might be time to let go. You may be scared to break her heart, and she may break down crying and THINK her heart is broken, but if she has been showing less interest in you and things seem to be going down hill, she may be more ready for this to happen than she thinks. Talking about these things SHOULD be done because good communication is the only way through this things. If talking "only brings about grief" then it doesn't sound like it will work.
huck Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Id sit down and have a major talk with her.. Explain exactly what you've mentioned on here and the fact your not happy but dont break up with her without trying to rectify things 1st.. Give it a try and see if things get better.. She needs to have a look at the parent issue as well.. However much she loves her folks - they cant have that much of a hold over her life. If things dont get better then at least you can say you gave it a bash. Good luck mate...
Recommended Posts