shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I know physical attraction is what initially draws you to a woman, but once you get to know her fully, does her physical appearance play a large part in why you fall in love with her? I have observed some men who fall in love with women who are very attractive but have lacking personalities. If the woman you fell in love with suddenly lost her looks for some reason out of her control would you fall out of love with her? Let's say she suddenly switched bodies with a woman who was just average or even slightly below. How would that affect your feelings for her? Please be honest.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Or the corollary: Why women are scared to death of men who fall in love with who they are? Hint: It involves the superficial and control
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I don't think it's possible for anyone, male or female, to truly fall in love with someone on looks alone, or to truly fall in love with someone who they didn't also love their personality.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I don't think it's possible for anyone, male or female, to truly fall in love with someone on looks alone, or to truly fall in love with someone who they didn't also love their personality. Yup, this isn't love, it's lust.
clv0116 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Love goggles can make up for a lot. Nothing makes someone uglier faster than bad behavior.
TheBigQuestion Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I've met plenty of extremely good looking women but have only fallen in love with 3 in my life. Yes, all three were very attractive but they also had something more to them. A certain edge that can't really be described in words. So in my opinion, it's not really that important.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I don't think it's possible for men AND women to fall in love with someone based on looks only.. it has to be a combination of looks, emotional and intellectual connection. BUT... I very much doubt that someone can remain 'head over heels in love' with someone who would suddenly lose his 'looks', like in an accident. I have seen a guy who became a complete 'monster' after a suicidal attempt. Unless you've been with the person for ages, then I would think it doesn't matter as much if the person becomes disabled or lose his 'looks'..
kostoronto Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Clv speaks the truth. People look a helluva lot better when you're attracted to their personality. Conversely, things like smoking can make them look a lot worse. So, I'd say it's 60/40 - personality/looks - for me.
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Or the corollary: Why women are scared to death of men who fall in love with who they are? Hint: It involves the superficial and control Actually I think most women prefer men who see past the superficial. I've never heard a woman complain that a guy fell in love with her because of who she is, not her looks.
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Yup, this isn't love, it's lust. I think for a lot of men the line between love "in love" and lust is slightly blurry.
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Or the corollary: Why women are scared to death of men who fall in love with who they are? Hint: It involves the superficial and control Carhill, few generalizations about men apply to you. You have the mind of a woman (and I don't mean that as an insult).
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I think for a lot of men the line between love "in love" and lust is slightly blurry.I won't disagree with that, although it comes crashing down on them when they realize what they have in hand. That's why it's important to separate the wheat from the chaff, before investing. This goes both ways. If a woman feels she's being solely appreciated for her looks, it's time to examine why this is enough.
clv0116 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well the question is fall in love, not stay in love. Appearance has a lot to do with whether or not most guys invest much time, but personality and charisma can add or diminish that initial attraction quite a lot as well. I dated a girl for a while who, if you looked at her dispassionately, was merely average in looks. I found her irresistible because of her sweet smile and kind disposition.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Looks had no say at all in who I've fallen in love with. The only reason I can say this with certainty is because the girls I've had long and successful relations with have not once even come close to fitting the criteria I would normally list for my "dream" girl. The one girl I tried dating who did fit the list was the one I was the absolutely least compatible with. We went out a few times, and it just wasn't there. We're still friends, but I don't even feel a sexual attraction to her anymore. She's a friend, and nothing more. The more a girl was the complete antithesis of what I thought I wanted, the better we got along together. Case in point: Paris Hilton. Ask random guys if they like her. The younger crowd will probably say something along the lines of "I'd do her, but I'd never date her", and the older guys (i.e. 30+) will just give an outright "oh god, no! I can't stand her." Although she fits the criteria for what is considered attractive nowadays (young, blonde, in good shape, rich), most guys I know can't stand her, and wouldn't date her, not even for her money (I'm sure if we knew she was going to pull a James Marshall and die soon, it might be different, but that's not likely at her age). Why? Because of her personality. Sometimes, guys do get hooked on the hot chick who's irritating as hell. They're the ones who get used and abused, tossed aside, and feel completely crushed and fearful of all women because of it. They're also the ones who usually went in with low self-esteem to begin with.
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Looks had no say at all in who I've fallen in love with. The only reason I can say this with certainty is because the girls I've had long and successful relations with have not once even come close to fitting the criteria I would normally list for my "dream" girl. The one girl I tried dating who did fit the list was the one I was the absolutely least compatible with. We went out a few times, and it just wasn't there. We're still friends, but I don't even feel a sexual attraction to her anymore. She's a friend, and nothing more. The more a girl was the complete antithesis of what I thought I wanted, the better we got along together. Case in point: Paris Hilton. Ask random guys if they like her. The younger crowd will probably say something along the lines of "I'd do her, but I'd never date her", and the older guys (i.e. 30+) will just give an outright "oh god, no! I can't stand her." Although she fits the criteria for what is considered attractive nowadays (young, blonde, in good shape, rich), most guys I know can't stand her, and wouldn't date her, not even for her money (I'm sure if we knew she was going to pull a James Marshall and die soon, it might be different, but that's not likely at her age). Why? Because of her personality. Sometimes, guys do get hooked on the hot chick who's irritating as hell. They're the ones who get used and abused, tossed aside, and feel completely crushed and fearful of all women because of it. They're also the ones who usually went in with low self-esteem to begin with. I'm more interested in the less extreme cases. It's easy to denounce attractive women who have repulsive personalities, but what about beautiful women whose weaknesses aren't so immediately apparent? What about a gorgeous woman who is somewhat nice and somewhat intelligent but doesn't have much in common with you vs. an average looking woman who is very smart, nice and shares your interests? Who would you be more likely to fall for? If she were average would you even get to know her enough to allow yourself to fall for her? This is where it starts to get sticky, where beauty can really act like beer goggles because the personality flaws aren't quite as glaring.
fral945 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I know physical attraction is what initially draws you to a woman, but once you get to know her fully, does her physical appearance play a large part in why you fall in love with her? I'm still trying to figure that one out, but right now I'd say for me it's around 50/50. I've been dating a girl for about 2-3 months. There weren't physical sparks immediately for me, but I wanted to give it a shot. In all honesty if she was more physically attractive to me I think I would feel much more strongly about her. In most other ways (her personality, views on life, etc) we share a lot in common. I just feel sometimes I'm missing that physical and sexual spark. There is some physical and sexual attraction, but for me it doesn't feel like enough. I don't know, maybe my expectations are too high. I just know I feel unsatisfied, and I can't really think of any other good reason. If the woman you fell in love with suddenly lost her looks for some reason out of her control would you fall out of love with her? Let's say she suddenly switched bodies with a woman who was just average or even slightly below. How would that affect your feelings for her? Please be honest. It depends on how long we were involved. I doubt I would fall out of love with her if it was a long relationship, but I would definitely feel less physically attracted to her and interested in her sexually.
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I'm still trying to figure that one out, but right now I'd say for me it's around 50/50. I've been dating a girl for about 2-3 months. There weren't physical sparks immediately for me, but I wanted to give it a shot. In all honesty if she was more physically attractive to me I think I would feel much more strongly about her. In most other ways (her personality, views on life, etc) we share a lot in common. I just feel sometimes I'm missing that physical and sexual spark. There is some physical and sexual attraction, but for me it doesn't feel like enough. I don't know, maybe my expectations are too high. I just know I feel unsatisfied, and I can't really think of any other good reason. It depends on how long we were involved. I doubt I would fall out of love with her if it was a long relationship, but I would definitely feel less physically attracted to her and interested in her sexually. I appreciate your honesty.
sally4sara Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Actually I think most women prefer men who see past the superficial. I've never heard a woman complain that a guy fell in love with her because of who she is, not her looks. Oh...I don't know. I think I'd rather a guy decide he was dissatisfied with my looks rather than my personality. The looks fade in time for everybody; men and women. But if you're a bore, obnoxious, whatever - that is who you are. There is no plastic surgery for being a ridiculous *********.
Yamaha Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Most people are attracted to good looking people. Do you feel you deserve someone good looking because of your looks? If you do then if someone is not good looking enough for you, you will talk yourself out of being attracted to that person, even if you have loads of fun and enjoy them a great deal. Stupid but we do it all the time. Why? Because we want to impress others with what we have and feel good about ourselves.
sally4sara Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Most people are attracted to good looking people. Do you feel you deserve someone good looking because of your looks? If you do then if someone is not good looking enough for you, you will talk yourself out of being attracted to that person, even if you have loads of fun and enjoy them a great deal. Stupid but we do it all the time. Why? Because we want to impress others with what we have and feel good about ourselves. I've known some people to do this, but I have never been able to do this just over appearance. I've nixed beautiful guys with stuffing for brains, entitlement attitudes, and a lack in integrity. Likewise, I've chosen less beautiful guys because I admired their drive, intelligence, wit, and talents. Even chosen them over better looking guys. The talking yourself out of it and needing to impress others must be a guy thing....
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Most people are attracted to good looking people. Do you feel you deserve someone good looking because of your looks? If you do then if someone is not good looking enough for you, you will talk yourself out of being attracted to that person, even if you have loads of fun and enjoy them a great deal. Stupid but we do it all the time. Why? Because we want to impress others with what we have and feel good about ourselves. That's sad. I can't understand people who care what other people think of their SOs. To answer your question, no. I don't feel that I deserve someone good-looking. I'll admit that a guy has to meet certain loose criteria for me to find him attractive (not very overweight or short), but past a certain level I don't care. I just don't understand men who are so perfectionistic about their partners. If she has some flaw in her body or face it's like they can't see past that. Why is that even important? It's not a competition.
refurb Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Fall in love? Zero percent. Of course they're needs to be the initial attraction in order to sustain a relationship so that love develops, but if a woman I loved ever lost her looks due to an accident or the like, it wouldn't change how much I loved her. RF
Author shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 The talking yourself out of it and needing to impress others must be a guy thing.... Definitely a guy think. If I like somebody, I go with it. I don't agonize about whether he's "good looking enough" for me or what other people will think. People shouldn't use their partners to validate them.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Definitely a guy think. If I like somebody, I go with it. I don't agonize about whether he's "good looking enough" for me or what other people will think. People shouldn't use their partners to validate them.This is a blatant red flag for women. Avoid guys like this if you're looking for a viable relationship.
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