Flamenco81 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So yesterday I went on a 3rd date with a girl I met online. Here is sort of the summary from the 3 dates. 1- I met her in her neighborhood in Brooklyn. We got coffee to go and went to walk around the park by her neighborhood. It was nice, we talked the whole time, I felt we hd a lot in common. So I was there for about 2 hours. I had plans later in the day and she had stuff to do so I walked her to the grocery store and then I went to take the subway back to my place. We hugged goodbye. I texted her later that night and said it was good to meet her and I had a good time. She answered the morning after and said she did too and it'd be fun to do something next week. 2- So on the second date we met in the city and went around to walk in the UWS area. That night I already had a thing to go to which I had told her before hand. So we had about 2 hours to do something. So we walked a little bit and then went for an early dinner. It was a very good time. On the way to her subway stop I tried to be a bit more aggressive and I put my arm around her. She seemed good with it. It actually started raining then so she took out her umbrella and we shared it. When she was going to go she told me to call her to see about doing something on the weekend. I told her sure, I would have Sunday off, so I'd contact her. I went in for a kiss and it was direct but quick. I did kiss her lips, but like fast and then we hugged and that was it. Again I sent her a message saying it was a good time, she responded and said it was too. 3- So that brings us to yesterday. I met her again in her neighborhood. We went to walk in the park again. Then we went to a museum, since I know she has an interest in art. I was trying to have some physical casual contact like put my arm around her or touch her mid back or things like that. She seemed to respond well. Then we went back to the park and the day was nice so we sat in the shade of a tree and talked. At that point I tried to go in for a kiss, and I am not sure if she wasn;t expecting it or what, but I felt she sort of moved her face. So I aborted. It felt a bit weird then, but we kept talking and it was all good like always and we stayed there talking and laughing for about 1.5 hours more. Then she asked what time it was, it was almost 6pm and she had things to do for her school for the next day and she goes to be really early so we walked back. I offered to walk her home, so we went. On the way there she asked if I'd like to go with her to get some groceries, so I did. Then we went to her place, I mentioned it had been a great day, and she agreed. So when we got there, her door was right next to another building were there was a bunch of people sitting in the steps outside and talking on the street and stuff. So we go to say goodbye, and she opens her gate and just turns, says "ok goodbye, we'll talk again soon" and starts walking in! I mean I was definitely planning on kissing her right there and then. But she just went in with no hug or kiss or anything. I was sort of taken by surprise, and I was not going to go in after her, so I was like "ok sure, we can have dinner next week someday", and she said "yeah, I'll see how my schedules are, we'll talk". And that was it. So that left me confused. I mean maybe she didn't want to do anything because all her neighbors were there outside right next to us? But that should not be a significant factor. The way I see it, if she was not interested then why bother to accept a 2nd AND a 3rd date with me? Even more after I had gone in for a kiss on the 2nd date, so she probably knew I'd definitely try and kiss her on the 3rd. What do you think? I have not sent her a message of "had a good time" etc this time because I want to wait. I won't contact her today and I'll wait until tomorrow night to text her and ask her about dinner maybe wednesday or thursday night. Which I think will be the deciding factor.
n9688m Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I have not sent her a message of "had a good time" etc this time because I want to wait. I won't contact her today and I'll wait until tomorrow night to text her and ask her about dinner maybe wednesday or thursday night. Which I think will be the deciding factor. I think after the 3rd date either the chemistry is there - or else it never will be there. She knows one way or another. I'd call her - text is too impersonal - and tell her straight out that you really like her and were wondering if she felt the same way and wanted to pursue this romantically. Then you will have your answer.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So when we got there, her door was right next to another building were there was a bunch of people sitting in the steps outside and talking on the street and stuff. So we go to say goodbye, and she opens her gate and just turns, says "ok goodbye, we'll talk again soon" and starts walking in! I mean I was definitely planning on kissing her right there and then. But she just went in with no hug or kiss or anything. She has an issue with PDA with someone who is still a potential in front of people who likely know her. Be consistent in what you want. Do not let this deter you. Unless you receive a direct negative response to your interest, continue. I've experienced this. Don't worry about it. It's not about you.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I dunno... I'm a little put off by the "help me with my groceries" then running inside.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'm getting a sense of low interest. Your dates are pretty short and casual. I don't ever recall a date shorter than 4 hours, where it was obvious the guy put some effort into it, by making reservations, had tickets in hand or reserved at the venue. You could try one more time but make it something more interesting than walking around a lot and put more effort into it.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well, considering it's NYC, there should be no shortage of things to do. So, OP, how about a formal date to a play, off-Broadway, with dinner at a casual local eatery prior? I think that will finalize the dynamic. Remember, be true to yourself. If she's interested, she'll respond.
Kamille Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I agree with TBF and Carhill. Next time you ask her out, make it a real date. Dinner and a show sounds like a fantastic idea. And with those kinds of plans, you can be sure no one will 1) have to leave for another event 2) have to pick up groceries at any point during the date.
Graduate Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I agree with the other posters, from what you wrote I think she is interested in you, but you should probably invite her out for a 'bigger' event that lasts into the evening/night. Her not kissing you goodbye in front of her door doesn't have to be a bad sign. It might just mean that she doesn't want her neighbors to see her kissing a guy who she only went on 3 dates with and who is not even her boyfriend yet. Don't wait too long to call or text her, she might take that as a sign of you losing interest and that could lead to a vicious circle where you both back off because you think the other person is no longer interested.
Author Flamenco81 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Thanks for the replies. I agree with all of you. After having had a day to rethink things, maybe I am not as bad as I thought. I think that sudden goodbye was yeah, either that she didnt want to do anything in front of her neighbors or I guess girls are always weary about guys that walk them to their apt thinking maybe they are just looking to be invited in. So I'll give her that. I definitely feel chemistry for her so I really want to make this work. And yes, for a 4th potential date I want something more like a formal real nighttime date. During our conversation in the park she mentioned a restaurant I have wanted to go myself for a while. So I am thinking if I talk to her tomorrow and she agrees to go out then I'll make reservations and just take her there and make it sort of a surprise. And it is a pretty nice place. After that maybe we could go have some drinks around the neighborhood since I know there are many places there. I know for a fact though that on weeknights she goes to bed super early. She is a school teacher and she said she goes to bed at like 10pm. So I don't know if that will dampen the plans for making the date longer than dinner, but we'll see. I guess if she is interested one late night out won't stop her. Now, should I give her today with no contact and call/text tomorrow afternoon, or should I do it today?
Kamille Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Here is how I would play this. Feel free to ignore or adapt to your style: Call her today or tomorow and tell her you had a great time and would like to take out to dinner and drinks on FRIDAY night. That way you know you have the whole evening to enjoy each other's company. Plus, the notice and the plans lets her know it's a date, and if she is interested in you, it'll create excitement and anticipation. (Well if she's anything like me... I love having time to get ready for a date).
Author Flamenco81 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Hey Yeah that sounds like a good plan. I think making it for Friday night would build anticipation and there would be no chance of giving me a "I have to get up early tomorrow" excuse. Of course I'll be dying with anticipation myself, but that'll give more room to plan. * oh, and as a side note to dreamergrl, the reason I think she asked me if I wanted to go to the grocery thing is I'm a chef, and so we had talked about food a lot and I had mentioned I liked going to get groceries and stuff. So that's probably it. When we were walking to her place after she jokingly said "I can now say I went shopping with an actual chef".
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Sheesh...man! You're a chef and you woo her with walks? Come on, crank it up a level!
Chicago_Guy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So that left me confused. I mean maybe she didn't want to do anything because all her neighbors were there outside right next to us? But that should not be a significant factor. The way I see it, if she was not interested then why bother to accept a 2nd AND a 3rd date with me? Even more after I had gone in for a kiss on the 2nd date, so she probably knew I'd definitely try and kiss her on the 3rd. What do you think? I wouldn't waste anymore time on this girl if I were you. If you haven't gotten a real kiss by the third date, then the woman almost certainly isn't into you and is wasting your time and money. Believe me, there are definitely women out there who will go out on a date with you just to get a free meal and entertainment.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Believe me, there are definitely women out there who will go out on a date with you just to get a free meal and entertainment.Yup, just like there are seriously cheap men!
Chicago_Guy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Yup, just like there are seriously cheap men! I am sure that is true.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I am sure that is true.In the OPs situation, he's walked her around the block for three dates. Isn't it time for him to put some advance thought into this and honestly do some wooing? If you feel it's a good idea to walk someone for the entire dating experience, perhaps a marathon walker would be a good choice.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 In the OPs situation, he's walked her around the block for three dates. Isn't it time for him to put some advance thought into this and honestly do some wooing? If you feel it's a good idea to walk someone for the entire dating experience, perhaps a marathon walker would be a good choice. I confess that I didn't read the entire original post. I guess I wouldn't consider walking through a park to be much of a date. That girl might be questioning the OP's intentions if he doesn't seem to want to take her on a real date.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'd like to interject that, amongst all the walking, they did go to dinner and a museum, on two separate 'dates'. NYC is a walking city; we walk everywhere there or take the subway. I do agree that the 'dates' sounded pretty casual, so turning it up a notch by asking her on a more formal date would be a good way to gauge her interest.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Sitting down for dinner in a romantic atmosphere with candlelight, ambience, is a great way to get/give undivided attention to the other person and really get to know them. If you're tromping around the city, doing touristy things, it doesn't set the scene for romance, especially if you toss in some ad hoc grocery shopping!
Author Flamenco81 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I agree that the first 3 times were pretty casual daylight "dates". So yes my intention is to get a proper date for our 4th meeting of going to dinner in the city and afterwards a shows/drinks or something. I'll call her tomorrow night. And just to respond to the poster that said i am wasting my chef talent, of course i plan on exploiting that soon. But as any girl here can attest i don't think she'd want me to go cook at her place or come to mine after lnowing me for about a week.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 TBH, I think the only thing which affected the OP was the lack of progression evidenced by the dearth of any PDA on date #3. Other than that, to me, he sounds like a gentleman with a whole lot going for him. When you know how to cook, timing is everything. Best of luck!
Author Flamenco81 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Thanks Carhill. Yeah after reading your opinions I now realize that I shouldn't consider the fact that I didn't get a kiss on the 3rd date as a lack of interest factor but more as a lack of intimacy and setting factor. I definitely have to pull all the stops on the 4th date. If it happens (fingers crossed!). I'll call her tomorrow and if I get a yes for Friday night then I think I'm pretty much in. And then I'll definitely step up on all aspects. I'll keep everyone posted to see how it goes tomorrow.
Shygirl15 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 She has an issue with PDA with someone who is still a potential in front of people who likely know her. I fully agree with this. I tend to act weird too around neighbours when I'm with a date. It's just awkward. I'm thinking this is the reason, otherwise if she didn't like you she didn't need to go on 3 dates with you, really.
Author Flamenco81 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 Just to update on the situation. Things are looking good! I waited and didn't call her monday, after how I said I felt Sunday ended suddenly. I called her Tuesday evening, and she answered pretty quickly. I asked her about work and stuff. I remembered she had an interview on Monday, so I asked her how it went and she seemed genuinely appreciative that I remembered. I asked her if she wanted to go out to have dinner Friday night. She thought a little and said Saturday she actually has to work on something, so she would have to see. That she would call and let me know. At this point I got worried. because now it was up to her to call back and make it official. I didn;t hear from her all day Wednesday, and then at like 10pm I got a text and she said "yeah, let's do dinner Friday". So we agreed on a time and place to meet. I called up a restaurant that she had casually mentioned she wanted to go one day on our conversations on Sunday, which actually I have been wanting to go too since I moved to NYC. So I made reservations and I'll take her there. Afterwards I am planning on maybe getting some drinks around downtown. So things are looking good I guess. I am sure that no girl that wouldn;t be interested on a guy would want to meet up for a 4th time. Now this time I really have to let my intentions be known and solidy things.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 In the OPs situation, he's walked her around the block for three dates. Isn't it time for him to put some advance thought into this and honestly do some wooing? If you feel it's a good idea to walk someone for the entire dating experience, perhaps a marathon walker would be a good choice. Agreed. She's not your walking buddy -- she's a potential romantic partner. I LOVE walks, but they're better once you get to know the person a little. These dates don't sound very datey. I suggest kicking it up with a great dinner, drinks, a show (play, opera, ballet, whatever you both like). Bring your A game, dude!
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